Manage Your Life

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Keep Your Cool in a Rude, Rude World

By Judy Ford

"You lie!" Congressman Joe Wilson screams at our President. Rapper Kanye West storms the stage and steals spotlight on the biggest night of Taylor Swift’s life. Tennis star Serena Williams berates a judge over a botched call. Seinfeld's Michael Richards puts down a fan with a racist rant.

What's with these people?

Tina Brown, of The Daily Beast, blames the economy and financial frustrations for the short-fuse phenomena that are stalking the nation like a rudeness pandemic. She may, technically, be right--but worldly pressure is a flimsy excuse for such antics.

Your mama taught you better. And if you've forgotten what she told you, here’s how you can learn to keep your cool in a rude, rude world.

Step 1: Rely on the Facts
Politicians, comedians and talk show hosts may make big bucks for being uncivil, but you won’t, says Los Angeles Times columnist Tim Ruten. Disregard of the facts may be entertaining, but unless you’re reeling in the dough in front of a paying audience, it’s best to rely on intellect. Get your point across without flinging insults back and forth, by reciting the facts instead. Leave out the verbal abuse and you will appear intelligent.

Tennis star Serena Williams might want to consider this the next time she finds a judge’s call questionable. During the 2009 U.S. Open Semi-Finals, Williams confronted a line judge over a call and left no expletive un-hurled in her attack. While shocking for tennis fans to hear such filth spew from a female tennis pro, the sports world isn’t easily shaken by players’ temper tantrums. Fans might find an articulate argument from an athlete far more shocking than a fount of foul, four letter words.

Step 2: Zip it Up
"Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt," says Mark Twain. In other words, when you’re riled up and heated, it’s probably more productive to keep your mouth shut.

Step 3: Make Grandma Proud
If have a tendency to lose it, think about your grandma. What would Grandma advise? She probably doesn’t want her little darling swearing and throwing fits in public. After all, how you behave does reflect on your relatives. One bad apple spoils the whole bunch.

Step 4: Use Company Manners
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer politeness. A little decorum goes a long way in soothing nerves and negotiating a solution. Opinions aren’t changed by bullying. If you feel the urge to shout out, shout out something positive.

Step 5: Rein in Rage
Anger, ranting and raving is bad for health. From high blood pressure--to heart disease--to stroke and depression--acting out might land you in the doctor’s office. Who can afford that? It’s better for your heart and your relationships if you replace rage with sensible responses. Be gentle with yourself. Your heart and family will benefit from your mild manner.

Step 6: Choose Happy
Unless you’re big on apologizing in public for rude remarks and bad behavior, it’s really more satisfying to think happy and avoid embarrassment. Replacing angry thoughts with pleasant ones will keep you calm. Children are watching, so set a good example. Say out loud: “Today is a good day to be alive.”

Step 7: Stop and Chill
If you are getting riled up, take a break, go for a walk, get a drink of water and cool down. Don’t be dumb. Don’t do something stupid. If you need to do something, do something smart. Walking away is not being “chicken;" it’s a strategic action.

Step 8: Be a Lover, Not a Fighter
Sometimes you have to put up with other people’s bad manners, but you don’t have to adopt their immature ways.

Treat neighbors and strangers as you would like to be treated. Stomp out rude by applying the "Golden Rule." Make love your mission.

How to Keep Cool When Rude is the Norm originally published on eHow.com

eHow.com is an online community dedicated to providing visitors the ability to research, share, and discuss instructional solutions -- real people succeeding at real projects. More than 45 million people visit eHow.com each month for tips on how to do just about anything.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 112
  • Ashley's Avatar
    Posted by Ashley Fri Oct 9, 2009 11:26am PDT

    OMG that whole thing calling Obama a liar made me so mad!

    Report Abuse
  • Michelle's Avatar
    Posted by Michelle Fri Oct 9, 2009 12:01pm PDT

    Why do people forget that MANNERS MATTER! :)

    Report Abuse
  • BryanB's Avatar
    Posted by BryanB Fri Oct 9, 2009 12:03pm PDT

    OMG I like ths one and why did it make you mad ashley it has been proven on many accounts

    Report Abuse
  • The Tedster's Avatar
    Posted by The Tedster Fri Oct 9, 2009 3:26pm PDT

    Bryan B, congrats, you just made rudeness a virtue. Btw, there is NOTHING in the bill stipulating coverage for illegal aliens. Twist it anyway you want but I challenge you to show me where it is in the bill?

    Report Abuse
  • Jason V's Avatar
    Posted by Jason V Fri Oct 9, 2009 9:49pm PDT

    manners keep women away from you if you are male. Women do not respect men who have manners.

    Report Abuse
  • Ashley's Avatar
    Posted by Ashley Sat Oct 10, 2009 9:19am PDT

    The one thing I really hate to hear when I'm upset is "calm down." I don't want to calm down. I'm upset for a reason (no matter how ridiculous the reason might seem to you) and suppressing my feelings or "biting my tongue" only makes my blood pressure worst. I don't think we're becoming a rude economy. I think we live in a ME generation. Everyone is so spoiled because having absolutely no morals or manners is completely acceptable now. And "treating people like you would like to treated" just doesn't work. Nobody cares how YOU feel. It's sad but, this is an issue that can only be remedied by a domino effect of everyone. Tips like "chill out" and "play nice" don't really work after Pandora's box is open.

    Report Abuse
  • PE's Avatar
    Posted by PE Sat Oct 10, 2009 11:45am PDT

    I guess all I can say is "Jason V is are you kidding" women adore men with manners, we just have to sometimes "PUT UP WITH" men that dont show them, because for the moment its better to let you act like the child you are, then sink to your level as well...manners are a lost art. The Hip Hop and Rap Culture and Girls Gone Wild have and the excess porn and the new age of "its cool to be ghetto" saw to that, and dont even go there, ghetto isnt a color its a way of thinking. So no manners are a "missed art of culture and refinement" and we should all practice it far more then we do, practice...how about learn it...God help us all.............

    Report Abuse
  • Chicagirl's Avatar
    Posted by Chicagirl Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:38pm PDT

    My girlfriend and I were talking about this just today. How sometimes it is hard to keep a good attitude when people dont repsond to that most of the time. I did take offense to what PE said " The Hip Hop and Rap Culture and ....saw to making manners obsolete. That is a wide misconception because not all rap music or hip hop music is filled with mysgonistic lyrics or I hate you because of your color and so forth. There is alot of hip hop music that is written with a message not filled with the n word or f this or I f this b@@@. In the same breath not every white person is a racist not every hispanic person is here illegally but it is very easy to generalize or allow yourself to accept what is being spoon fed to you in the various media outlets. Sometimes we should dig a bit deeper, look beyond the wall or just elevate your mind and make sure what you say is correct because you did your own research and not because you were a lemming and fell off the cliff with the rest of the bunch. No disrpesct becasue there is alot of bad music and yes a huge percent is hip hop and rap but it is what genrates sales yes that is horrible but once again look within and see how you can change the world by boycotting the stations or the record companies that produce this music but a know fact is that most of the music sales of hip hop and rap, concert attendance and companies on various levels of the industry or affluent surburban youth and adults that is not a cop out it is the truth; this group drives the want of this type of music. I wish it wasnt true but it is. Once again I appreciate your comment but just wanted to hopefully shed some light on your comment in a respectful but direct way. Carpe Diem.

    Report Abuse
  • Donald's Avatar
    Posted by Donald Sat Oct 10, 2009 1:27pm PDT

    I've found that it doesn't pay to be nice, but it doesn't cost anything either. It is the bigger man who can walk away. We christians call it grace. Others call it cutting someone some slack.

    Report Abuse
  • gerardb's Avatar
    Posted by gerardb Sat Oct 10, 2009 1:44pm PDT

    I hate everyone I know

    Report Abuse
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