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I've had quite a few work/life interruptions over the years -- times in which I've said no to almost everything that comes up on both the personal and work front because life is just too busy. Some of them have been for awful reasons like when people have been ill or passed away. In those cases, people usually understand that you're going to be out of commission for an indefinite period of time. And they usually leave it to you to tell them when you're ready to re-engage. When you're lucky, they offer the right kinds of support.
But few reasons for dropping out of work and life feel as good as taking time off to get married.
When you announce you're getting married, coupled people tend to tell you about how they fell in love. Single people tend to ask about how you met your partner. Which makes marriage one of those subjects that helps you connect to other people at work -- like pets, kids' soccer games or a charity cycling ride. In the time leading up to the wedding, I had great conversations about various pieces of the wedding like working with a dress designer or traveling in Portugal (where we went on our honeymoon). I also noticed that people who didn't know me were able to use my marriage as an icebreaker when reaching out by email since I made mentions of it on social networking sites and since my wedding was covered in the New York Times.
Unfortunately, marriage isn't a universally safe or desirable topic of conversation. For many gay people, it causes resentment and anger since it's not something they can experience in the same way as straight people can. And for those who are not out at work, marriage talk could be a cue to steer the conversation in another direction. But it's not just gay people who might want to avoid marriage talk at work. If you're in the middle of divorce (as I was myself several years ago) or a break up, talk of marriage and weddings is about as off-limits as any subject can be with colleagues.
So as I took joy in all the pleasant interactions I enjoyed around my marriage, I couldn't help thinking of the flipside of all this positivity.
How do you all feel about this? Do you think romantic relationships, marriage and weddings are the kinds of things we should be talking about with colleagues or do we need to tread carefully around these issues?
