Married To Obama

As I was skimming thru the radio channels the other day, I caught the tail end of a broadcast on Obama. The interviewer was asking questions to a group of women about Obama’s marriage. What followed next was so astonishing that I could not let it go.

I wish I could remember the name of the interviewer; however it was an NPR Topics segment on KCET Channel 89.3 FM on 3/6/08. She asked the women, “How do you feel about the fact that Obama is strong enough to be married to a strong, fiercely intelligent black woman?” The women were happy to report they supported Obama, and loved that fact about him (marrying a ‘strong black woman’). The interviewer closed by saying that prominent black men typically go for pale skinned women, their trophy wives’, and it is so nice to see a strong prominent black man married to a strong black woman, and it will no doubt help in his votes. The tone was a feel good, happy piece.

Wait a minute.

I’m a European-Latin woman and I have light skin. ‘Pale skin’ if you used the words this women was using, which I find derogatory. I’m married to a prominent black man and I would like to explore this openly with the public. I have been known to be as strong, if not stronger than most women, including black women on the sheer fact I have five children (3 teens and 2 toddlers). The color of the skin clearly doesn’t determine strength or character.

I have met many quiet, timid black women, not all black women are stereo-typically ‘strong’. For many centuries black people could not openly date or marry who ever they wanted to, especially outside of their skin color. With civil rights, it also brought  freedom to choose whomever to date or marry without the intense hatred or prejudice towards interracial relations, and so the floodgates were thrown wide open.

Not only did black men date white women, but a plethora of other races including Asian, Middle Eastern, European, Mexican, Italian and Pilipino just to name a few. For those of us born in a generation where we have the ‘freedom to choose’ individuals of any skin color or background, and date freely without any public scrutiny (here in the US anyway)

We take it for granted.

My dad was born here in the US in the 40’s and if he was still alive he would be in his 60’s. He was openly prejudice and would frown at interracial marriages or unions. However, that generation is aging and their prejudices with them are aging too, to an extent. A new, open minded generation is active and at the height of dating and marriage; and we have executed our ‘freedom to choose’.

I never get looks or glances when I am walking with my husband, only once in a while a black women would make a face to me, but that’s it. Then I saw ‘Diaries of a Tired, Black Man’ last year. I was so angry when I left the premiere. The audience was primarily black, and at the end of the film when the lead black man chose a black women after dating many different races there was actually a cheer and mad applause. I was shocked. If this was the other way around and we were in a theatre with primarily white people watching a film where the white lead chooses a white woman over many races, including black, and cheers were heard; there would be protests in the street.

      Getting back to the interviewer, what was she saying about Obama’ that he is strong enough to marry a strong black woman’? What is this supposed to mean? And on NPR news no less? Am I supposed to be requiring less of a man to be able to marry me? He wasn’t strong enough to marry a black women, so he married a ‘plan skinned’ woman? Does that automatically make me a trophy wife?

Most black women are the first to be up in arms about prejudice, so why is it okay to openly praise Obama for marrying black instead of a ‘pale’ skinned woman? I am completely offended by this statement. I am as strong and tough as they come, and my husband had to be ‘strong enough’ to marry me, a single woman at the time with three small children. I am not going to be silent about this. Many black women, and other races as well, need to forget the color of their skin and realize people choose each other on hundreds of other qualities and not on skin color alone.

There’s nothing wrong with having preferences and being attracted to specific looks (light hair and eyes vs dark hair and eyes). Now, I clearly sound up in arms too. I am experiencing what it feels like to be fit into a stereotype, by only a minority of people. But, truly how many women feel this way about black men marrying white women? How many strong, fiercely intelligent, black women are there that strong black men marry? Why do we have to stay within our race? What year is this that this conversation is still taking place? What would Michelle Obama say?

 I am committed to a world where people choose freely to date and marry whomever they wish, and that NPR news does not broadcast such offensive and prejudice programming such as this.