Mediator's Lament

Getting started at ground zero in the field of conflict resolution requires a lot more than I realized when I was in graduate school.  First, it requires developing a skill that does not come naturally to most people.  I had to transition from a field where advocacy was an important part of my work.  Advocacy in the sense of health promotion in the community.  It also required intervention, education, and helping people.  I did this work in a civil service job that provided a regular pay check and a certain amount of job security.  When I left that work to transition into a new career as a mediator, my universe as it were, turned upside down.

My impulses to tell people what to do, to offer suggestions and resources and to try to fix other people's problems all have had to be re-routed and de-fused.  To accept that "parents have the right to make bad decisions for their children" has been a bitter pill to swallow, given my background in health promotion.  heck, when I first started doing mediation for parenting plans, I had to fight the urge to offer to go out to the parties' cars after a mediaton and check their car seats to make sure they were installed correctly.  In the past my job was to shower people with information and to go out of my way to help people when I could.  Strike one:  back to the dugout for some internal remodeling.

Then, there is strike two.  Never actually being a person to "go along to get along," I was confronted with the need to fit into a culture that is bound by a lot of unwritten rules of conduct.  I am not naturally wired to "fit into" anything.  So, sorting out this labyrinth of invisible networks is a necessary but unwelcome chore.  It really is a profession, but I was not prepared to understand the rules of the game in this profession. Already, there is a lot I disagree with and while hesitant to take a stand, I can say that it seems like, as an emerging profession, one of the unwritten codes has been to "make nice" with the legal profession.  So, few people really talk about publicly the implicit competition that exists between mediators and attorneys. Hence, few mediators overtly compete with attorneys for business.  After all, mediators aren't supposed to be competitive.  There's a major problem here that needs more discussion, and I would welcome others to open up about this paradox.

Finally, I come to strike three and am also feeling uncomfortable with the sports metaphor I have used in this rueful diatribe.  Establishing a mediation practice requires an entrepreneural mentality, especially if you are starting at ground zero (no mentors, no patrons, no start-up capital, no "connections").  As my son would tell me ( he owns a small business), I was living in the sheltered world of a government bureaucracy and now I am faced with the real world of survival in a very different world.  And, not only is this entrepreneural spirit a requirment, it's also a requirement that a mediator has to be able to survive in a world where conflict resolution is an emerging, not established, profession where there is little public acceptance of alternative ways to resolve disputes.  It seems that part of the job requirement is to sell mediation to the public.  For instance, why are all those divorcing parents still using attorneys to settle their custody disputes?  Where is the sales pitch to this niche market?

Okay, enough with the baseball analogy!  Three strikes only means you are out for one round at the bat.  I realize there have been some curve balls that I wasn't ready for when I decided to become a mediator.  It's a big playing field.  I'm definitely starting out as a rookie.  I've got a lot of work to do.  Ironically, though, the work as an advocate has not changed.  Being a conflict resolution professional means not only being an advocate for the mediation process, it means being an advocate for the field of mediation with the public.  Those are roles I can step into.  As a mediator, I can wear the uniform even if it doesn't fit very well.  As always, though, I'm not one to choose sides and join a team.  I can see though, that it's a long playing season of self-discovery, new challenges and necessary growth.  They didn't teach any of that stuff in graduate school.  I think mediators must be self-made.  Degrees just give them a walk to the next base, not the home run they promise.