My Journey.. "The mirror speaks??"

Ok, so the big day came and went.. And I survived!! Well sorta.. The mirror made it out ok, too so far that is.. So given the fact that I didn't end up comiting "harry carry" when the clock stroke 12am on wensday, i've decided that now more than ever I must find out what it is that my soul so dessperately craves.. keeping that spirit in mind, I have decided that while I have been adventuresome in my 25 years in some areas of my life.. in other more simple areas mind you I have been quite dissmississve and rejectory.. For instance, I have always had a weight problem.. I've been up down the scale so much that I could easily be miss took for a freaking yo yo.. Despite this I have alway's taken the position that exercise is EVILL!! And though I have very valid and extremely irrational reasons for this belife, th have stood the test of time. I never thought they would be over throne by logic.. But as I crept up on the dredded day my views on this subject seemed to change, (with out my knowlege,  of course if I would have seen it coming believe me I would have found a way to sabatage it..) Anyway, due to this unexpected development I now find myself enrolled in a "women total fitness" class and to make matter's worse this so called "class" which is shore to be torture starts at 7:45 in the f------ morning!! The whole thing is laughable ( in fact I seem to remember my mother laughing at me when I told her) me excercising and being up before God!! Get serious.. Sadley I "speak" the truth.. And if that is not horrible enough now I find myself invollentarly quiting smoking.. Now I know what your thinking there is no way that a chain smoker of 13 yrs,( 2 to 3 packs a day) can wake up one morrning and suddenly a morning cup of coffee and smoke is no longer neccesary to keep a wicked witch from entering society's rat race!! How can this be??? How can my irrational views on life that have served my purposes of complete and utter missory no longer be relavent, to my way of life??? Could it be that all those people who prayed so, hard for my emortale soul finaly got thier prayer's answered?? Is it just that now that I've gotten older irrational behavior and thoughts have finaly become just that, irrational. I don't know what the reasoning behinde these new change's in my life are.. What I do know that, that for the first time in my life I am speachless as to how I got here!!!! There are no excuse's hiding in the shadows, their are no empty promisses waiting for my loved ones in the future.. There is only me or more like a reflection of me, who I was.. Maybe my bathroom mirror is slowly showing me the damage I have done to my soul, through a more "physical" view.. They say that you can only change what you ag knolege maybe the change is due to me finally, begining to ag knowlege who I was..  It's not a pretty view but at least it's not as blury as it once was.. So now the question is " how do I referse the hands of time and finaly find peace?? And is that the true answer to the longing that I suffer...?"