Operant Conditioning...

The definition of operant conditioning is basic textbook phsycology.For those that do not know what this term means it is:A type of conditioning of learning.Initially more or less random behavior operates to produce an effect that reinforces or extinguishes the behavior. through operant conditioning, a mouse that accidentally bumps a lever which delivers a food pellet LEARNS to push the lever when hungry...people are not so far off this mark in behaviors and habits either I am finding...Myself included.


It is 2:00 a.m.. I sit outside in the calm but cold still air. I watch chaffed leaves that have gathered taking their spot for the night.They even sleep but, I do not. The nestled ,comfortable, shut down,resting leaves await mornings wind to get a bustle on their day. Warm creamy sweet coffee keeps me company keeping the chill at bay. It's succulence and seduction meets with my exhaustion from the day...From life! The coffe plays and mingles upon an exhale of thick heavy smoke that has taken up residence in my lungs too long in accomodating lungs...But, somehow always welcome. So it comes to me on the faintly lit porch tonight's poetry takes over. Its presence always a familiar and only sound in the all too quiet night...Besides the many thoughts bouncing in the folds,creases,electrodes,and synapsis of chattered brain activity that runs rampant in my mind. So it goes...


I can't deny its existence,
Police sirens call in the distance.
The memories cannot be avoided.
I have to remember that's why,
I am at this point! I
I give into my downfalls and wrongdoings.
Its permeated memories go so deep.
I give into memory easy.
No fight...no resistance.

I wish I could say they were well planned,
the mistakes and wrongdoings. With a motive,
before I set out to execute.
I wish I could say they were faux-pas,
mixed with no wisdom and careless youth.
NOPE...Just dumb,stupid,foolish,
fueled in spirits and drug induced.

Opportunities they are thin.
Because of this record,
I have to kick doors in.
I don't bother to sugarcoat
the things in my life.
I have just become,
am,carry,drag,
to a record i'm tied.
It doesn't matter
what I do now.
I guess I am forever,
going to be what I did then.
A once good girl...
Forever dipped in sin.

So now I tuck the memory away.
I will get up tomarrow and begin my day.
Trying yet again though
 i'll be there knocking and knocking...
Opportunity will not open and let me in.