patience. i have none.

dictionary.com’s definition of impatient is:

1. not patient; not accepting delay, opposition, pain etc., with calm or patience.
2. indicating lack of patience.
3. restless in desire or expectation; eagerly desirous.

i’m impatient. it’s nothing new, i’ve been impatient all of my life. in fact, i wholeheartedly believe that i inherited this trait from my pop. in my quick attempt at researching whether or not impatience is hereditary (i didn’t find an answer to that), i found that impatience can lead to an increased risk of hypertension and high blood pressure.

great.

anyway, my pop is pretty impatient. in fact, he’s been known to walk out of a restaurant (no matter how hungry he is) if the waiter seems to be taking a bit too long to come take his food order. that’s exactly why it’s so ironic that i can distinctly recall a conversation we had when i was about 9 or 10 (or maybe it was 11 or 12…okay, so maybe the memory is not all that distinct). we were riding in the car having a discussion about something when he told me i needed to have patience. i responded with a witty response: “why? i’m not a doctor!”

get it? patience…patients…doctor. well, he thought it was pretty darn funny and still laughs about it till this day.

okay, anyway. it’s pretty funny thinking back on that conversation because he’s the most impatient person i know. well, aside from myself, of course. and that’s why i was in the office today ready to go toe-to-toe with this wack copier machine.

ugh!!

this thing drives me absolutely batty. and i’ve been known to take my frustrations out on inanimate objects so this copier should beware. like when i was 5 (or maybe it was 6) and i couldn’t get my barbie’s boot on and well, i just bit her whole daggone foot off.

ol’ non-compliant barbie learned a lesson that day.

so here i was ready to go at this copier machine, only i wasn’t planning to bite it (because i’m much more concerned with the health of my teeth these days), i really wanted to just find the nearest bat-like object in the office and just bust this thing to smithereens.

like a million freakin’ pieces.

like you wouldn’t be able to piece this thing back together, no way, no how. ever.

like, i was just that blown.

there i was at the copier making copies of a stack of papers and the machine kept stopping and beeping. and if you’re at all familiar with these huge hunks of plastic headaches then you know that the copier machine will then tell you what the problem is. it’ll light up the areas on a little screen and show you just where the paper is jammed. well, this machine is on CRACK because it lights up in areas where there is no paper jammed. i mean, yeah, there might be paper jammed, but it’s not always where the machine is indicating it’s jammed and herein lies the source of my pain with this thing.
so i take the thing apart, pull out the jammed paper, the machine is rolling again, until 3 minutes later…

STOP.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

here we go again. take the machine apart, pull out the jammed paper, the machine is rolling again, until 3 minutes later…

STOP.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

well, i went through that whole routine about 7 daggone times before i just gave up.

you know what copier? you win. i don’t wanna play anymore because if i do i’ll kill you. really, i will. it’s just that serious.