After some crack investigation, I found out what the big icky in my beds is - it is truly a monster. I'm not kidding. It is a thing called Fuligo septica (how's that for a name - septica, as in septic, as in filthy dirty! As if that weren't bad enough, it's common name is Dog Vomit Slime Mold! It is the organism that inspired the movie "The Blob".
Why ME? Why do my beautiful vegetable beds turn out to be all hopped up on slime mold? And here's the kicker - you can't get rid of it. Ever. If you've got it, it's yours for keeps. Sometimes the Dog Vomit will put on a big show, and other times it'll lay low, but it is always there, waiting for the conditions it favors so it can make an appearance. Eeww.
Well, thank goodness it isn't poisonous or anything. In fact, it could technically be considered one of my crops, because this mold is a delicacy in Mexico - just like its fungal cousin corn smut (huitlacoche, or Mexican Corn Truffle, is really yummy). Somehow, I don't think Dog Vomit Slime Mold is going to make a big impact on the culinary scene. And even though I consider myself an adventurer in the garden and in the kitchen, I'm not about to put some of that stuff in my mouth. I can't even bring myself to touch it.
So since I can't get rid of the slime mold, I must welcome it. Make friends with it. Why not? After all of the crying wolf, now I have a real monster in my garden. How goth of me.
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