By Laura Sinberg
When Marny
Lifshen, a 40-year-old Texan and mother of two, began her career as
a marketing and PR coordinator at a law firm some 20 years ago, she
made a big mistake: not negotiating a fair salary. Her error set a
precedent that followed her for nearly two decades.
"To some degree that
has limited the amount of money I make today," Lifshen admits.
"I didn't have the guts [to ask for more money]. I knew I
was worth more."
Six Reasons You’re Not Advancing At
Work
It's called self-sabotage, and in these anxious times in the
American workplace, female professionals need to be aware of these
all-too-common behaviors. From underestimating your value as a
professional or bellyaching about a new assignment at the
water-cooler (in full view of your superiors) to not sharing your
ideas at meetings (with those same superiors sitting around the
table), these gaffes can cause women to lose their reputations,
promotions and, sometimes, their jobs.
One 32-year-old recruiter
from New York, who chose not to give her name because she is
starting a new job this month, was ostracized by many of her former
colleagues because of her undiplomatic communication style.
"I tended to speak
from the 'I' voice too often," she says, when calling
out other people's perceived shortcomings, especially when
upset. By voicing such statements as "I don't understand
what you're driving at" rather than "Here's what
can happen if we're not clear on this issue," the
recruiter contends that she was seen as a complainer and not as an
effective problem-solver, a quality closely associated with
executive leadership. She left that job partly because of how
others viewed her, including her boss.
Lois Frankel, Ph.D.,
president of Corporate Coaching International and author of the
best-selling Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office,
concedes that these kinds of often unconscious, self-injurious
mistakes can seriously damage a career over time. Part of the
reason, she notes, is because women often "come to see the
workplace as our family, but nine out of 10 families are
dysfunctional."
She says the first two or
three people to speak up are seen as more self-confident and
assertive, also hallmarks of upper management.
When you do speak up, be
sparing and to the point. Women tend to use more words than men,
which dilutes a message. "You should probably use 25% fewer
words [in conversations and e-mails]" than you normally would,
says Frankel.
On the other end, too few
words will make you seem curt and abrupt, as was the case with one
woman Frankel coached. "But she was the exception."
The experience of Lifshen,
however, is shared by many. Women will negotiate for less money
when offered the same position as a man for fear of coming off as
greedy, according to research by Lisa Barron of the University of
California, Irvine. In general, the study shows that women are less
comfortable equating a dollar amount with their self-worth. Also,
because they see themselves in relationship to others, they feel
less comfortable promoting their self-interests when it may be
detrimental to others.
Frankel says to keep in
mind that '"whatever money you accept will be your
baseline for what you do next.'"
The statistics are
staggering: Women leave somewhere around $500,000 on the table by
the time they're 60 if they don't negotiate an equitable
first salary, according to a study by Carnegie Mellon University
professor of economics Linda Babcock and writer Sara Laschever.
"Next thing I know,
the vice president of human resources calls me in and says, 'I
hear you started a rumor.'"
Ellen Langer, a professor
of psychology at Harvard and author of Counterclockwise,
says if you are indeed called out for something, say, gossipping or
being overly sensitive, another taboo office behavior, "Give a
reason, not an excuse … there is a tendency to be
defensive."
So what do you do if
you've pigeonholed yourself into one of these roles? Fear not,
there are still ways to emerge unscathed. In Lifshen's case,
she eventually started her own company, where she is now
responsible for her own salary, and co-authored the book Some
Assembly Required: A Networking Guide for Women.
And it's never too late
to ask for that raise.
Six Reasons You’re Not Advancing At
Work
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Posted by Wed Sep 2, 2009 7:02pm PDT
Report AbuseAdvancing is important. But if I need to butt heads with peers and superiors because I disagree, I'm sorry. I'd rather voice my opinions to them than to hold it back if it affects my work. Take it or leave it.
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