Manage Your Life

Friday, December 4, 2009

Shut off your inner control freak

Getty Images

Getty Images

I am a control freak. If any of my friends or family members are reading this, they are probably laughing because that may be an understatement. Basically, I feel more secure when I know what's going on, and I'm more likely to know what's going on if I'm the one holding all (or most) of the cards.

Not realistic. Or healthy. And it only gets worse around the holidays or when we're visiting family, which is where I am right now.

I read a great article a while back about getting along with that super-controlling coworker, I quickly realized I could easily apply it to myself. From there, it didn't take too much brain power to understand that ditching my inner control freak could make my life a little easier all around.

Here are five ways to shut off your inner control freak.

1.) Respect other people's turf. In a blended family like mine, this means that you need to accept the custody agreement and work with what you have. At work, this may mean delegating work -- and letting people do things their way.

2.) Pick your battles. Figure out what's most important to you -- and fight for it. Let the rest slide. This tip works with adult coworkers, family members, and toddlers alike. Adult tantrums are just as stressful -- if not more so -- than your 3-year-old's.

3.) Understand that perfection is a myth. Control freaks want everything to be "just right," and get frustrated when things go "wrong." But the truth is, there is no "just right" in real life. Hold on to your ideals, of course, but abandon the idea that things can only be good if they're perfect.

4.) Ask for -- and accept -- help. Really. I am not good about asking for help. But doing so is a great way to build bridges, accepting help is a great way to reduce stress levels, and once you see how competent everyone else can be, it may be easier to dismiss your inner control freak more often.

5.) Ask yourself: What are you really trying to control?
What's more important, that things get done exactly your way, or that things get done, period? Sometimes, we waste tons of energy trying to control the method, when the important part is the outcome.

Are you a control freak? How do you control yourself?

Lylah M. Alphonse is a full-time editor, a freelance writer, and mom and step mom to five kids. She writes about juggling career and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and Work It, Mom!, and blogs at Write. Edit. Repeat.

Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 12
  • GailSue's Avatar
    Posted by GailSue Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:05am PST

    Great article, great tips and very very true. As a sufferer of OCD, which is based a good deal on control issues I could relate totally to the consequences of being a control-freak along with the benefits of letting go somewhat. Not easy to do but I am always working at it and your list will serve as a good guide. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Report Abuse
  • Andygirl's Avatar
    Posted by Andygirl Fri Feb 13, 2009 9:57am PST

    thank you for this. I am a self-professed control freak and an endless perfectionist.

    I find that my technique for controlling it is to simply self-check throughout the day. I step back, acknowledge my frustrations and then ask myself if the situation is in my control. If it isn't, it's not worth freaking out about.

    But, the acknowledgement step is crucial. It's important to remember that our feelings are valid and we're not crazy, even if those feelings are inappropriate to express.

    Happy Friday!

    Report Abuse
  • ?'s Avatar
    Posted by ? Fri Feb 13, 2009 12:49pm PST

    I am a control freak. I have learned to accept this about myself, and expect others to accept me for who and what I am. If you don't like me don't hang out with me. I love to be in control of my world, this is where I am at my best.

    Report Abuse
  • Lady's Avatar
    Posted by Lady Fri Feb 13, 2009 1:14pm PST

    I became an event planner.

    Report Abuse
  • dc's Avatar
    Posted by dc Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:11pm PST

    Not helpful but interesting for us control freaks!

    Report Abuse
  • Nuff Said's Avatar
    Posted by Nuff Said Sun Feb 15, 2009 12:28am PST

    I think I just had an epiphany! Not full blown...but a 5.5 none the less. Seriously, the last one was all me! That's my biggest issue with my co-workers and manager for that matter.

    If they chose to procrastinate on things that cause us to look unprofessional, unreliable and spend more $$ who am I to get angry? Our owner only seems to care that it gets done. Meanwhile, I get headaches over realtionships with vendors, expenses and deadlines. This will help me. I'm going to print this out for myself and stash it at work!

    Report Abuse
  • ckandw's Avatar
    Posted by ckandw Sun Feb 15, 2009 3:13pm PST

    I've been having panic attacks over my control freakness...never asking for help has been my problem...my shrink says the good thing about my panic attacks it has forced me to ask for help...wish i would have just done that in the first place...the only person that loves a control freak is your boss...because you always do everything...

    Report Abuse
  • LA's Avatar
    Posted by LA Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:01pm PST

    great blog! will have to work on using some of these techniques. perfection truly is a myth and i need to let go. thanks.

    Report Abuse
  • mammamia's Avatar
    Posted by mammamia Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:03pm PST

    I am definitely a control freak! This article is ironic because this morning I got an attitude with my boyfriend b/c he did not do what I asked him to do! He told me he would do it, but I wanted him to do it my way. So I spent most of the day at work in a bad mood and not speaking to him for half of the day. As a matter of fact I just sent him a text like 5 mins ago apologizing b/c I realized that it really isnt a life or death situation! I felt kind of guilty, but at the same time the inner control freak of me wanted to stay upset (for what reason? I dont know. I have been trying to find a way to get rid of this behavior and attitude, but cant really find a solution besides stay away from those who wont follow me or agree with me!

    I have grown to realize that I have picked up this learned behavior from my father. As a child and even now as a young adult, my father has to be in control everything!!! And now I am the same way. Its close to satisfying knowing that I hold all or most of the cards. I like to have things my way or the highway!

    Awesome, awesome, awesome article Lylah!

    I am also a self-professed control freak!

    Report Abuse
  • twinkle's Avatar
    Posted by twinkle Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:13am PST

    i think this article is a big help. i'm a student and currently having loads of schoolworks, especially groupworks. my groupmates feel so comfortable having me in the group because they think i'm a responsible member. but now i'm having hard time controlling myself not to freak out coz my groupmates are so relax while me doing lots of responsibilities to meet the deadlines. today, i almost freakout and i dunno how to face if i was able to.

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 12

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

manage your life byte

from Target

All kinds of wonderful. Gifts, solutions and savings all in one place. Find every merry solution at Target.