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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Six tips for coping with the fact that you can't remember a person's name

If you’re like me, you sometimes have trouble remembering people’s names, or even how you know them. A few years ago, while at a chaotic birthday party for a three-year-old, I was on the brink of going over to some little kid’s father to say, “I think we went to college together.” Turns out it was Dylan McDermott!

So I’ve developed some strategies for coping with the fact that I’m not able to pull up a person’s name right away. Of course, you can always just say politely, "I'm sorry, I don't recall your name," but if you'd rather try to disguise your forgetfulness a bit, give these a try:

1. The “I know your name, but I’m blocked” dodge:
“I keep wanting to call you 'David,' but I know that’s not right.”

2. The “Of course I know you -- in fact, I want all your information” dodge:
“Hey, I’d love to get your card.”

3. The “The tip of my tongue” dodge:
“I know I know your name, but I’m blanking right now.”

4. The “You’re brilliant!” dodge:
“Wow, you have a terrific memory. I can’t believe you remember my name from that meeting six months ago. I can’t remember the names of people I met yesterday! So of course I have to ask you your name.”

5. The “Sure, I remember you” dodge:
“Remind me – what’s your last name?” If you ask a person for his last name, he’s likely to repeat both names. “Doe, John Doe.”

6. The “One-sided introduction” dodge:
“Hey,” you say to the person whose name you can’t remember, “let me introduce you to Pat Smith.” You introduce the two and say the name of the person whose name you remember. Almost always, the nameless person will volunteer his or her name.

Also, remember that others might have trouble remembering your name. When you’re saying hello to someone, err on the side of re-introducing yourself. “Hi, John, it’s Gretchen Rubin.” Say your name slowly and clearly. And don’t get offended if someone doesn’t remember your name!

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? Learn more at The Happiness Project.

If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 22
  • DropDeadLeticia's Avatar
    Posted by DropDeadLeticia Wed Apr 1, 2009 12:33pm PDT

    hahah I just ask them what their name is again if I forgot

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  • tina's Avatar
    Posted by tina Wed Apr 1, 2009 12:50pm PDT

    Those are good, my problem is that I never use anyone's name, I just talk to them (works well when I can't remember) but even my boyfriend, the only time I use his name is if I'm talking about him to someone else; at home he is just "Babe".

    I read an article that a key trick to remembering someone's name is to use it often throughout you conversation, and repeat it after they say it.

    "Hi my name is Tina"

    -- ""Chris. Nice to meet you."

    "it's really nice to meet you also, Chris."

    and so on, the repetitive nature helps it stick....

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  • MahLi's Avatar
    Posted by MahLi Wed Apr 1, 2009 1:38pm PDT

    Basically, four of your six suggestions boil down to admitting that you can't remember the name. This problem is so common, that it really isn't a problem. Relax, make fun of yourself, and 'fess up. I tell people it's just because my hard drive is full and it takes longer to open the files.

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  • Emilie's Avatar
    Posted by Emilie Wed Apr 1, 2009 2:11pm PDT

    I heard the key to remembering is repeating it after they are introduced and then repeat it three times in your head. I SUCK at remembering names.

    Report Abuse
  • Melba's Avatar
    Posted by Melba Fri Apr 3, 2009 12:14am PDT

    I say, "I'm havin junior moment, what's your name again, haven't seen you lately!" hostnestly... for instance!

    Report Abuse
  • Asami's Avatar
    Posted by Asami Fri Apr 3, 2009 1:31am PDT

    I do #6 all the time! :)

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  • Joe's Avatar
    Posted by Joe Fri Apr 3, 2009 6:34am PDT

    I always have my wallet/check book and carry my business cards. Like one person repeat name three or four times, how ever sometimes this doe’s not help. So I write name on a business card till I remember name. Last week met two ladies, same day. Erma and Elisa. In my conversation with Elisa yesterday she told me she had been a Nun for twenty five years and left one year age. I am sure I won’t forget her name.

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  • impatientmom's Avatar
    Posted by impatientmom Fri Apr 3, 2009 7:40pm PDT

    I try to be polite and say 'I'm sorry, but I've seem to have forgotten your name.' Then I introduce myself if I didn't earlier.

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  • Annette's Avatar
    Posted by Annette Fri Apr 3, 2009 10:52pm PDT

    My problem is I remember their name initially and then as if my brain opened up and the winds blew away the contents, I forget (usually within the span of our conversation). It actually frustrates me. The individual I am certain would understand, but I get more upset with myself for being so forgetful.

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  • christianr's Avatar
    Posted by christianr Sat Apr 4, 2009 12:58am PDT

    nice article keep it up... ^_^

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Comments 1-10 of 22

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