Manage Your Life

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The 25 most common species of coworkers

They might be lurking in the cubicle next to you or lounging in a cushy corner office. They could be e-nagging you daily or haunting your dreams at night. That’s right, the people you work with have the power to influence, annoy, inspire, and scare the living daylights out of you (work nightmares, anyone?). Since you’re stuck with them 40 hours a week (at least!) you might as well understand them. We’ve come up with a field guide to the most common species of coworkers, no matter where you work. These types transcend every type of workplace — we guarantee you’ll find a few you recognize.
We've come up with a guide to the 25 varieties of coworkers you’ll probably run into in any office and how to maintain your sanity around them in this crazy working world.

The Gossip


What they do:

Maybe there was some mistake in the hiring process, because The Gossip seems to be under the impression that their entire job description is “talking about other people.” Unfortunately for you, The Gossip lives for the latest office scandal, whether it’s actually true or not. The Gossip spends their days listening in on conversations, dropping hints, and tarnishing reputations. The most dangerous part about the Gossip is that they are everywhere. No conversation is safe when The Gossip is within earshot (they may pretend they’re listening to music on their headphones, but we know better.)

How to deal:

The Gossip can be difficult to deal with because more often than not they are outwardly very sweet and kind — to gain your trust and learn your secrets. Then, all bets are off if your secret somehow gets them higher in the pecking order. The best way to deal with The Gossip, in our opinion, is just to ignore them. And whatever you do, don’t give them details about your own life or repeat what they have said. Before you repeat a so-called juicy tidbit, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it harmless? Is it necessary? If it isn’t, don’t repeat it. Don’t encourage them!

The Slacker


What they do:

Think about it: Have you ever seen this person actually working hard? Ever? We thought so! Your office enemy is an expert at working hard to get absolutely nothing done. No matter what it takes, The Slacker will make sure someone else is breaking a sweat.

How to deal:

We suggest making sure you document every dropped project and missed deadline, that way you’ll be covered in case the boss decides to take action. If it gets really bad, it’s also worth saving every email from that person so that you have extra evidence in the event they promise to help you and don’t deliver. Good luck, and keep working hard!

The Suck-Up


What they do:

Doing all that hard work just doesn’t seem to get you the credit, right? Sounds familiar. Let us introduce you to the human leech — also known as The Suck-Up. While making friends with the higher-ups is their highest priority, they don’t seem to care at all what their coworkers think.

How to deal:

Why not try tooting your own horn a bit? If you’re not getting the recognition you deserve, what are you waiting for? Go out and take it yourself. There’s nothing wrong with letting your supervisors know what you want and why you deserve it.

The Complainer


What they do:

No job is too big or too small for the complainer to whine about. Whether things are so slow that they’re dying of boredom or so busy they’re going to go insane, you’re sure to hear about it.

How to deal:

Like The Gossip, The Complainer is impossible to quiet. Cheering them up doesn’t work, suggesting solutions doesn’t work, even complaining along with them doesn’t work. You know what does work? A sincere sentence (it only works if you sound like you really mean it): “You know, that sounds terrible. I don’t know how you deal with all these problems.” You’re just acknowledging that this is a huge issue for The Complainer, which it undoubtedly is. Try it and see if they don’t clam up in shock that someone actually listened to them.

The Control Freak


What they do:

Control freaks have absolutely no sense of proportion in the workplace. From the official (mandatory!) font of company memos to how the dishwasher should be organized, they’re sure to have an opinion, and they’re sure to demand that you follow it. Their actions are demeaning and annoying because their actions say, “You’re incompetent” and “I can’t trust you” all at once.

How to deal:

Just remember that at least The Control Freak is staying busy with pointless details, allowing you to tackle the really important things. Stay as calm as you can when dealing with The Control Freak: Be very patient, treat them with kindness and speak very slowly. Control Freaks need to be heard, but usually don’t have much to say. If you show that you understand them, they are more likely to move on and micromanage the next guy.

The Shrinking Violet


What they do:

You’re pretty sure The Shrinking Violet works with you … but you can’t remember ever seeing them in meetings, and you definitely haven’t seen them at work-sponsored parties. That’s what The Shrinking Violet does best – disappear. You have the hardest time trying to get this person to talk, and you dread the day you’re actually assigned to work on a project with them because their communication skills are … well… nonexistent at best.

How to deal:

It’s easy to label The Shrinking Violet as antisocial, unproductive, shy, or not a team player; however, it’s much, much more likely that The Shrinking Violet is simply introverted. Sure, The Shrinking Violet may not have ideas to share until after a meeting is over, but those ideas will invariably be well-thought-out and thorough. If they weren’t, The Shrinking Violet wouldn’t bother sharing them in the first place. There are many things you can learn from The Shrinking Violet — mostly to think before you speak, or before you judge.

Are you a shrinking violet? Take the quiz!


The Sensitive Thespian


What they do:

Everything is a tragic opera with The Sensitive Thespian. From the wailing and heart-rending exclamations coming from their desk, you might think someone died or that they’ve accidentally deleted everything on their computer, but that’s usually not the case. The Sensitive Thespian just has a way of letting the little things get to them. Every. Single. Little. Thing.

How to deal:

The Sensitive Thespian means no harm. In fact, most of their dark inner struggle is within — they just don’t know how to keep their exclamations inside, too. Unfortunately for them (and you), their little outbursts do nothing to fix their problems, and you still have to listen to the wailing once a day or so. If you want to try helping The Sensitive Thespian out, try reacting as little as possible and saying, “These things happen.” The Sensitive Thespian needs someone to ground them and spur them to actually take action (you could offer to solve their problem or help them out, if you see the opportunity), or they’ll just turn into The Complainer.

For the rest of the coworker guide, click here!

Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 34
  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:52pm PDT

    Cute!

    Report Abuse
  • CC's Avatar
    Posted by CC Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:32am PDT

    LOL! I think I'm the complainer....definitely need to work on that one!

    Report Abuse
  • Doktor Eevol's Avatar
    Posted by Doktor Eevol Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:25pm PDT

    Haha... cute smiley faces.

    Report Abuse
  • NursingLink's Avatar
    Posted by NursingLink Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:50am PDT

    Hilarious! Wonder what I am....

    Report Abuse
  • Excelle's Avatar
    Posted by Excelle Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:53am PDT

    Haha! Great article, and so true, too! The sneakiest is when coworkers are a combination of two, or several, of these. Oy. Can THEY be a handful. How do you best deal with that?

    Love your icons, too!

    Report Abuse
  • Jasmine's Avatar
    Posted by Jasmine Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:31am PDT

    Very Cute

    Report Abuse
  • suma's Avatar
    Posted by suma Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:25am PDT

    total absurdity !!!!!

    Report Abuse
  • Nina's Avatar
    Posted by Nina Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:33am PDT

    love the "how to deal" section--great ideas and the icons are funny :)

    Report Abuse
  • andrea's Avatar
    Posted by andrea Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38am PDT

    I don't know which one of those I am, but the drunk one with the fruity drink looks about right.

    Report Abuse
  • KG's Avatar
    Posted by KG Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:17pm PDT

    lol sounds like my work place...

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 34

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