Week 5: me and my leg's muffin top (oh wait, that's my hip)

Hey again! It's week 5, and I have some exciting discoveries to share! For one thing, I realized that my arms, which have never been any more defined than a lump of pizza dough, are starting to firm up because of the weights I've been religiously lifting every other day for three weeks. Another thing I've noticed is that my weights are becoming lighter to lift, not much, but I'm starting to be able to do more reps with each group of muscles. This is all well and good, but the best news is yet to be typed. I have a lovely green skirt that I try on every week to see if it's getting any less snug, and I am proud to announce that, even in my crampy, PMS form, that I can pull the damn thing around my butt without the zipper threatening to split if I do. Women everywhere should know what I'm going through with the crying zipper dilemma, the worst part of trying on pants or a zip- up skirt is pulling a pair of jeans off the rack, in various sizes, and finding that if you pull the article too high, like say to your waist where your pants should be (you hear that, you little wangstas? AT YOUR WAIST!!!!! NOT YOUR BUTT!), the zipper will split in half, rendering the pants useless and you are put in a position where you can buy the accursed things or you can put them back and hope that nobody buys that particular pair of pants. This is, in fact, why women go jeans shopping ALONE, so that you can't hear them swearing, crying, praying, and fighting with that pair of pants in the dressing room stall. Trust me, you should be glad we don't invite you to go clothes shopping unless we are shopping for YOU and YOU ALONE! If you heard the kinds of things your lady says when she's trying on pants, you'd either wonder who that crazy woman was and what she was doing in your woman's stall, or you'd leave, holding your tail for dear life in the hopes that she doesn't come out and take out the frustration of the pants dance out on YOU.

TO BE CONTINUED....