I was married for 11 years (2 of which were spent separated before
our divorce was final). When I got married I was so happy to take
his name. I remember the warm feeling I got the morning after our
wedding when I called down for room service and the clerk at the
other end of the line said, "Good Morning, Mrs. So-and-So, how
can I help you?" It was beautiful to be called by his
name.
Well, we've since been divorced. I never once thought of
reverting back to my maiden name, because it really didn't
matter to me. About a year or so after our divorce was final, he
married another woman, making her the next "Mrs.
So-and-So", and still it never occurred to me to revert back
to my maiden name.
But recently, I've noticed that people call me "Mrs.
So-and-So", or in an effort to correct themselves, they say
"Ms. So-and-So", and I started to wonder...are either of
those names right?
I'm not "Mrs." since I am single now...and
"So-and-So" is his name, not mine. So what should my name
be?
I like "So-andSo"....it's a far nicer sounding name
than my maiden name. But it's also someone else's name -
his new wife's. Am I stealing her name? I know this doesn't
change the cost of tea in China, but am I now "Ms.
Maiden-name", "Ms. So-and-So", and do I correct
people if they call me "Mrs. So-and-So"? What do you
think?
What's My Name?
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Posted by Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:26pm PDT
Report AbuseI'd go with your maiden name since you are divorced.....U won't think twice about it if you get married again. You can take on your new husband's name.
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Posted by Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:54pm PDT
Report AbuseIm kinda in the same boat. ive been with husband for 24 years married 19. He said he wasnt happy anymore. and i now realize i wasnt happt, anyway we a 22 yr son and a17 yr daughter. my son kives in own house my daughter is with me. i want to keep my married because of the kids so were all the same. shoud i keep my maiden name and then -my married name also but last
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:06am PDT
Report AbuseWe have been together for 9 years and we are in a committed relationship we are waiting to be finished with school before getting married. I am currently finishing up my BA.
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:22am PDT
Report AbuseAfter my marriage ended I went back to my maiden name as a mature woman it felt I did this for me and was leaving this marriage behind and moving on.
I enjoy my maiden name and I don't think I need to take someone else name my children at the time where 11 and 13 and are now mature adults and doing well.
But if your children are younger I can see the logic as not to put more stress on the children.
Kind Regards
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 11:43am PDT
Report AbuseI think it depends on weather you have kids or not dont you !!!
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:10pm PDT
Report AbuseI am separated and on my way toward divorce, and have been contemplating this very subject. I would take my maiden name back without pause if it wasn't for the fact that we have two kids. Also, I am young and willing to remarry in the future, so there is the possibility of changing my name yet again. There is nothing saying that I have to take my potential future husband's name, but I would hate to have one household with three different last names. I am fairly certain that I will make the decision to return to my maiden name after the divorce is final.
In your case, I do not think you are "stealing" the new wife's name. Also, I don't think you are under any obligation to correct people when they refer to you "Mrs" unless the subject specifically pertains to your marital status. I wonder though, is there something that you are holding on to that makes you reluctant to let go of his name?
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:59pm PDT
Report Abusesannaj...i thought the same exact thing you asked "is there a reason i am holding on to his name?"...and yes, we have two children together and it's far easier to reply as "ms/mrs so-and-so" because we all carry the same name. but i can only think of one reason why i might be 'holding on' to his name - it's because i HATE my maiden name. it's not as charming as my former married name. my married name rolls off your tongue, while my maiden name just kinda falls off...lol... and while it's easier to say than my former married name, people mispronounce it every time - i rarely run into someone who can say it right. maybe i keep his name because of that - it sounds better than my maiden name. silly, girl-ish reason now that i think about it...
UPDATE: my daughter just revealed to me that her step mother does not use my ex-husband's name because i still carry it...the plot thickens...HELP!!!!!
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Posted by Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:45am PDT
Report AbuseYour identity is the most important asset you own please do not minimize who you are. For me learning who I am and becoming somewhat comfortable with myself has more significance than any label. It sounds like you will work it out, so good luck and enjoy!
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Posted by Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:07pm PDT
Report AbuseI was married 18yrs and togther with my ex 20 yrs. I took back my madien name. It was easy for me. I was born with that name, and being no longer married I took back my name. I have no kid's tho. I think you should go back to Ms. so and so. For me I felt more myself when I did Best of luck to you.
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Posted by Thu Oct 1, 2009 6:04am PDT
Report AbuseKeeping your married name is your legal right. If it feels better to do it, then do it. I kept mine after my 2nd marriage ended because it's a better one than my maiden name. My children are from my 1st marriage so that wasn't a consideration. People know me as my current name & it would be confusing at work to change it.
If your ex's current wife has an issue, it's her problem.....sounds pretty petty to me. Makes me wonder if she's insecure in their marriage. Do what is best for you and don't worry so much about it.
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