Work + Money

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Do you hide purchases from your spouse?

By Nataly Kogan from Workitmom.com

Getty Images

Getty Images

I am always really interested in studies and surveys about relationships and money. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the voyeurist in me — getting a chance to peak into a private aspect of the lives of other couples, something we never talk about with our friends. So when I saw this article from Money magazine I dove right in.

The article mentions several studies that were conducted about ways married couples handled money issues. I read through the findings with my jaw dropping more and more as the article went on:

  • In one study, 50% of the couples came up with completely different numbers when asked to estimate their family’s income and net worth.
  • 1/3 of those surveyed said they’ve lied to their partner about money.

And here’s my favorite:

  • 1 in 5 admitted hiding purchases from their spouse.

Wow. I don’t get this. At all. I’ve never hidden a purchase from my husband, save for a present I was buying for him that I was hiding in the closet. We both know where our money is, what investments we have, how much we spend on food per month. I am sure if you asked us we’d be off by a bit here and there, but completely different answers? No.

I am probably more of the money manager in the family — I like to say it’s because I’ve always worked in finance but my husband would probably say it’s because I am more anal. Regardless, while I pay the bills (online, always), we have a Yodlee account which we both regularly check to see the status of our various accounts and so on. We’ve done this when we hardly made any money and at times when we were doing really well financially. I think it’s the responsible thing to do.

But I have a good friend who has a separate account from her husband and so does he. They also have a joint account into which they contribute for household expenses, like mortgage, food, etc. She told me that how she chooses to use the money in her personal account is her business entirely and he rarely knows or asks about it.

How do you handle money management in your family? Have you ever hidden purchases from your spouse or partner?

Nataly Kogan is the co-founder and CEO of Workitmom.com, an online community and helpful resource for busy moms.

Recent posts from The Work It, Mom! Blog:

Working two jobs: Necessity or pursuing your passion?

Having an only child: Why is it such a crime?
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 62
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Mon Jul 14, 2008 8:23am PDT

    We have three accounts... one mine, one his, and one shared. We always talk before purchasing anything from the shared account. That's for bills, vacations, medical, etc... it would be very rare to take money from that account for a personal purchase. It's never been a problem. I have access to his personal account and he to mone... but we don't go there. No need to. We both work and don't spend money foolishly. We are careful with credit cards.

    There's only one time there was a problem. I came home with a new car. He felt like a big purchase like that should have been discussed first. Why? I was the one driving it, buying it, and paying the insurance on it.

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  • Robin G's Avatar
    Posted by Robin G Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:33am PDT

    I wish my husband and I were better about money and communication. We each have separate accounts and, after 14 years, can hardly talk about money without fighting. It doesn't help that our relationship has been suffering for years, and we don't agree on much anyway. I'm deep in credit card debt after trying to start an internet business, which failed, and put me nearly $18K in credit card debt. My biggest mistake was not telling him I wanted a business and doing it while he worked in another state. So many mistakes and so little time to correct them. The kids are old enough now, so I am working full time to pay off the credit cards in the next 1-2 years. My husband is not happy with my decisions, obviously, so I try to tell him when I'm going to make a purchase of $100 or more now, so he doesn't question it when packages arrive at our door. It's a rough road right until I get those cards paid off. If you can talk to your spouse about money, do, because if you can't, it leads to unhappiness and mistrust.

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  • Caramel Cake's Avatar
    Posted by Caramel Cake Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:37am PDT

    Money management does not exist in my home. When we get money it immediately goes straight to a bill. I have hidden things from him in the past. He will give me money for gas or lunch, then I would go hunting for yard sales or hitting up the bargain racks at Old Navy. It doesn't happen all the time, because after the first couple of times, he eventually goes and puts the gas in the car for me, or he'll pack me a lunch or take me out to lunch.(and sometimes that can be a little pricey, unless we hit the buffett!)

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  • DeAnn's Avatar
    Posted by DeAnn Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:39am PDT

    This just shows there needs to be a "Blow" fund in everyone's budget. You sit down, figure out how much you both make and what your expenses are, then of the leftovers, decide what is savings and save some for a blow fund, money that you expect to disappear through misc. purchases. That way, you know how much of the blow fund you have to work with when you want something, and no one gets pissed off because someone used it. Keep the Blow fund in cash in an envelope. At the end of the month, deposit it as savings.

    If you spend more than you make, though, you need to cut some things, maybe downsize a car or cancel a subscription service such as cable or home security system.

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  • Mysterious Gryphon's Avatar
    Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:18am PDT

    I totally hide purchases from my partner - he would never approve of a lot of the stuff I buy. Even though it's my money, he sighs when he watches me pay $100 for a pair of shoes (which really isn't much). The other side of this is that I conceal my stash of diet pills; I know they're bad for me, but I've reached a point now at which I'll try almost anything to budge from my weight-loss plateau, and I don't need his comments about it.

    When we're married and living together, we've decided to have a joint account as well as individual accounts. As a woman, I think that this is the best way to protect myself (along with a good prenup). I plan to be with this man for the rest of my life, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

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  • mar_08's Avatar
    Posted by mar_08 Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:53am PDT

    It would depend on the value of what I am buying. For purchase of a nominal value, like a few dollars, I may not mention them. I wouldn't buy anything that might take food off the table or keep me from paying rent. The basic living expenses, like rent, utilities, car payments, food, and so forth are a top priority, and me and my husband both understand that.

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  • Erika K's Avatar
    Posted by Erika K Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:28pm PDT

    i hide them all the time lol bc he's very "careful" with money when it comes to unnecessary purchases , which are all of mine...clothes, beauty products and so on. I just don't feel like hearing it but I'm sure he knows when he see the new items anyway lol

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  • CB's Avatar
    Posted by CB Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:39pm PDT

    my ex did this ALL the time! It lead to her using money for bills for purchases that made no sense whatsoever. Thank goodness she's history...

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  • ambi's Avatar
    Posted by ambi Tue Jul 15, 2008 1:24pm PDT

    I have a different problem, my significant other doesn't ever buy anything, he just talks about it. Endlessly. Like, "I think i will buy a boad, or a big screen tv" I always say, oh really with what money? Then he thinks i am dashing his dreams. But i just want to give him a reality check. Besides if i said sure that sounds good, he would be up to his eyeballs in debt. There is always a dreamer, and a saver. We both need reality checks once in a while.

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  • adse's Avatar
    Posted by adse Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:05pm PDT

    Of course. . . .I don't really hide it. I may leave it in the car and then dump it into the room if he's not looking. I don't hide the item or box. It's there. . . just not when he's paying any type of attention. He's just given into it and nags for a minute until I say. . . I still work.

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Comments 1-10 of 62

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