I have no idea what to do and my husband isn't helping!!!!!!

OK so my husband is in the navy and everyone's mother and some of our friends say he should stay in. Neither of us care to much for that option (but it's an option none the less). They quote the retirement paycheck and medical (having experienced their medical I don't consider that a bonus, more of a 'you get what you pay for' thing). He's a nuke and they have really good reenlistment bonuses I'm talking about $80,000, half up front the rest spread over the remainder of your service. But the jobs he could get in the private sector are more than what he's making now. My jobs are crap so we couldn't live off of them so it's all on him. Problem is he can't make up his damn mind and I'm not about to tell him 'yes stay in the job that makes you miserable so we can have better financial security'. I think that's unfair. But frankly I really don't want him to stay in but he's worried about 'screwing us over cause I didn't want to deal with it for 7 more years'. He's scheduled to get out in a little less than a year and at that time he'll have 13 yrs. in. So he could stay in get the bonus pay off some of our debt and put a bunch more in savings for a down payment, we already have a house but if he stays in or not we'll be moving in a year and not planning on getting enough out of our house to have a down payment for a new one. He can take online courses and either become a vet, which is what he really wants, or do what he needs to become licensed in the private sector for nukes. I can take an online course and try and find something I would like to do like a vet tech (I'm not aiming as high as my husband in that area) or maybe a conservationist, instead of miserable customer service/sales jobs. Plus there might be two plants opening up in Georgia right when he retires out of the navy so there'll be plenty of positions open and his sister lives there so it'll be nice to get to see her more, I'm extremely lucky I love my in laws and they love me, heck my, according to my husband stingy father in law bought us everything he could buy online from one of our wedding registries! But that's off the point. On the other hand he could get out we could move to wherever there's a nuke job opening and that's pretty much all I'm positive on with that scenario. Except he won't be leaving me for months at a time and he'll have a much better chance of having kids sooner. I don't particularly want any but my husband desperately does, I figure when he can get pregnant and give birth he can have a bigger say in when and how many kids we have. But I don't want to have to try and raise kids on my own while working. I really have no idea what to do!!! Time or money? If you ask me time is more important but is that being stupid?

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Comments 1-3 of 3

Posted by IRISH Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:22pm PDT

No one can tell you what you should do. I would say go for the security,pension,medical. Yea,medical now is on base but Tricare for retired personal is not bad. I worked in a private hospital for 15 years and we accepted Tricare. Good luck and remember time has a way of passing quickly!!!

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Posted by JILUS Mon Jun 30, 2008 8:29am PDT

I can understand where you husband coming from. I believe he is tried of playing navy boy and sometime the stress he is dealing with is too much. I believe you two need to make a new plan of action. Yea, everyone will encourage your husband to stay in but remember dealing the time he has been in how did it help your marriage emotionally. Your husband is unhappy, and the stress that the service can bring on is too much for anyone to bare especially when everyone is throwing everyone responsibility on one person and the treatment he is getting. Your plans of attacks need to change for your husband. It is time to work and make it work. Meaning if one person in that marriage is not happy you are going to have to lose some of your comfort and have to allow him to get some. Not meaning, he is going to sit home, but he is going to have to leave where is at and find something else that will take place of the service. In addition, he might be qualified for some of the same benefit in another federal or government agencies and sometime the time in service might roll over to another government agencies.

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Posted by Brenna Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:21pm PDT

My dh is also Navy. been in 15 years. We aren't too thrilled with the whole process of being active duty, but looking at the bigger picture how long is 5 years really? As dh is now in the last couple of years he is taking advantage of the tuition assistance and NKO courses to make himself more marketable when he retires. I do not like the medical on base, so I see an outside doctor and pay out of pocket. As a spouse you can utilize the navy campus and take online classes. Coastline community for example is like $60 a credit and free books for spouses. My advice for you would be to stay in and ride it out. When you are pulling a retirement check large enough to pay your house note at the age of 40 it will give you the financial cushion to be able to work at jobs that you both like instead of trying to work some where you need the money to pay your bills. Is he using the bonus for the TSP program? As far as having kids, I have a 16 year old and she has been to 7 schools and lived overseas. She has friends all over the world and feels sorry for her civilian cousins who never got to see anything but the theme parks that they go to during summer vacation. Being a parent while your spouse is active duty is challenging at time but then again it is nice to see just how strong you actually are. I see that I am rambling and subject jumping so I will close this. Just remember to look at the bigger picture. I have never talked to anyone who said "I wish I would have gotten out of the military before I did my 20" I have however heard MANY people say that they wished they would have stuck it out for the 20 years so that they could have that extra retirement check. JMHO Best of luck to you both!

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