Stepping out of the work force is not a decision made lightly

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Sure as Mother's Day comes and goes every year, working moms will always want the most elusive thing there is: more time. Time to get all our work done, well, and still have all the time we want with our family. Most days, that's tough to come by, and no amount of macaroni and glue will produce it.

So it's no surprise that the Society for Human Resource Management has found two surveys that say full-time working moms would gladly take pay cuts if it means more time with their children:

43 percent of working moms would take a pay cut for more time at home
51 percent would quit their jobs if their spouse/significant other made enough money to support the family

I've been there, and made the decision to work part time and then freelance when my three kids were young. I gave up a lot of income during those years. And, no, our financial future is not fully figured out, but I wouldn't change a thing about that decision because I felt it so strongly in my gut that it's what we needed as a family. But pulling back from the work force is not a decision that should be made lightly. The pay you give up in the short term, based on family economic and care needs at that moment in yours and your family's life, has long-term consequences. The Center for Work-Life Policy, a research group founded by Sylvia Ann Hewlet (author of several great books on women and work), found that women lose an average of 18 percent of their earning power when they temporarily leave the work force. Women in business sector jobs lose 28 percent.

That adds up to big, big numbers even if you're able to work your way back to a full-time position in the same field, which only 40 percent of even "high-powered professionals" do, according to this New York Times Op-Ed piece.

So, no, I wouldn't change a thing because the path I chose landed me right here, and that's an amazing thing. But in the years since my kids were born, I've seen good friends who made the choice to pull out of the work force to be at home full time lose their husbands to all kinds of unforeseen tragedy: death, infidelity, financial mismanagement. A solid financial decision at one point in our lives can take on a whole new set of implications when life throws its worst at us. And it will.

So this is what I tell my daughters: Work. Find work you love, at least like. Find work that can be flexible when you need it to be flexible. Not an easy assignment, I know. But don't plan your life without planning to do work that you want to do for most of it. You will need it.

Don't let this discussion end here. I want to know what you think about pulling back or opting out of the work force during our (hopefully) long lives.

From the Community…

Comments 1-8 of 8

Posted by joo-hoo Mon May 12, 2008 9:29am PDT

I too struggled with this decision. In fact, I've struggled for the past five years! When my oldest child was born, I ended up going part-time working four days a week. It has been a good comprimise. Now I have two other children. Every day I wonder if I should have stayed at home. But, there are days at work too, that I'm glad I stayed in the workforce. I think you just have to find a balance that works for you!

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Posted by mustang.sallie29 Mon May 12, 2008 12:35pm PDT

know it was just Mother's Day , and we're supposed to LOVE being moms and staying home is supposed to be great. The reality is that isn't just not for everyone. I have been doing some things to make enough money to stay home, but I can't decide if I have enough Martha Stewart in me to keep it up. I kinda like escaping to work. What about you?
If you want to see the stuff I'm doing online (all free ones) go to http://www.freewebs.com/free2workathome/ . Most of it is really easy

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Posted by Catherine R Mon May 12, 2008 9:07pm PDT

I'm facing that decision right now...should I take a pay cut so that I can spend more time with my children, or should I just let things be as they are. Being a military spouse, and having my husband deployed has put an extra burden on my shoulders...but I'm still hanging in there, full-time in a management position, struggling to decide whether or not I'm going to take that final step and say enough... I choose my kids...

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Posted by Janice Silvia A Tue May 13, 2008 11:43am PDT

After working over 16 years, I quit my job two years ago. Gone were the fat paychecks. But what I gained convinces me constantly that I made the best decision in quitting. I never tire of the time I now spend with my children (ages 6 and 7). I can't even begin to describe the benefits of picking them up from school and being able to have them partake in after-school activities (vs. cramming all activities on a Sat!). We are a bit more money conscious, of course, but the memories of these years will carry me farther than the money. I remember how stressed I was in making that decision. My husband and I kept going over the pluses and minuses. Ultimately, I felt that I have my kids at this age ONCE. I just did not want to lose out on these years with them and later regret it. After I quit, I was lucky to have consulted for my company for nearly two years and I demanded I work only from home. Now that this is drawing to an end, I find myself asking, "What now?" I know without a doubt that full-time work is just not an option. I am seeking part time work or considering even to get my teaching certification so as to maintain the flexibility I am blessed to have presently. It's a pity that in this day and age companies are STILL not fully on board with offering flex time for working parents. If I found a company that allowed this, I can promise I would work my butt off to show my appreciation.

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Posted by beatlesarerightalluneedislove Tue May 13, 2008 6:26pm PDT

Its the men I feel sorry for who dont have the choices women do as they are expected to support the family.
women many in this case have the choice and so many opt for tricking men i mean you see it all the time ans men get stuck wven with child support when they are not even the fathers.
Children are the most precious gift so whne you have a child, breast feed them unless its medically a no-no and DONT PUT THEM IN DAYCARE.
Either you or dad stay with them so they dont have the morals of the people who work in the daycare

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Posted by Judy Wed May 14, 2008 8:35am PDT

I loved every minute of being at home with my first son the first four years of his life,now he is happily,intelligently enlisted in our Air Force.With second son my working full time was exhausting and I know he and I unfortunately do not have the same close bond that my first son and I share (hopefully that will improve after his rough teenage years pass).Staying home with young children is the only and best way to go!J.

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Posted by dcopp88 Thu May 15, 2008 5:12am PDT

I loved staying home with my first daughter until she went to school. Twelve years later my second daughter was born and I did not quit my job. i only work 2 hours a day and then have time for her. Next year she starts full day Kindergarten and i will be free to pursue the work from home business that I also run now. I love what I do and can't wait to be able to help in her classroom next year because of what I do from home.
any interest contact me dcopp88@yahoo.com

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Posted by findingwhatmattersdotcom Wed May 21, 2008 7:20am PDT

I love to work and I've had some great jobs. I also love motherhood, sometimes even the really thankless drudgery stuff!
When my son was a pre-schooler and I was a full-time worker, I felt exhausted all the time. I also felt as if I was doing a terrible job in both places. Having it all is a MYTH.
Working women date back to biblical times--when did we start to think that it was a bad, wrong thing?
I can say this, though--when you are hitting up against the myth, something may have to go. You only have so many hours in a day and it's that simple. So what stays and what goes? As for me, I am not right emotionally when I feel that my family has been short-changed. They are my priority. Yes, I work, but I have had to take a leap of faith and find a different kind of work that allows me some flexibility.
This doesn't mean that work doesn't matter. I'm a better employee and a better person now that I *don't* do the demanding corporate job.
~Viviana

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Comments 1-8 of 8

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