Work + Money

From the Community…

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  Posted by curiously Sun Aug 3, 2008 11:31am PDT

  Of course it is possible.

  In this world, there is an island where the woman's can have all three: the family finances, the husband and the children. The finances because a woman, on the market place: have more fun, is more agile and she have a larger heart than a man, the husband because a woman is attracted to here man and the children because a woman can do what a man can't do.

  In that country is important for a man to have right from time to time and for a woman to be beautiful all the time. In principle, to find that, you must fly to Japan.

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  Posted by lbkeem Mon Aug 4, 2008 12:27pm PDT

  in new york the respect level for women is way low, i dont think that this can work with out understanding and communication between both the man and the women now a days men lost the real respect for women so it makes it harder for men to really play that role. In the past years women have been learning to be more independent off the fact that men refuse to play the role of a house wife and for some odd reason thinks its cool to leave a women with 4 or 5 kids. lets not blame all men for this and lets take time to look at the this statement "So now we have to have men contribute equally or more" how do u go about doin this ? that is the real question how do women find that deeper connection with a man to have that kinda equality in there house hold ?

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  Posted by ladymontague02 Mon Aug 4, 2008 1:12pm PDT

  My husband fight about this alot. WE both work full time but I think his job tends to be more stressful than mine. While he doesn't expect me to be the "good little woman" I usually am the one who has to clean the house and do the errands. He is supportive in whatever I want to do and vice versa but I tend to take on the majority of the upkeep. We don't have kids yet but I have told him if he doesn't want a grouchy wife he is going to have to start pitching in. I refuse to be the one that takes care of things. We are a partnership and I think he'll have to suck it up and deal with having to do a little extra.

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  Posted by mabcosmic Mon Aug 4, 2008 3:00pm PDT

  Yep give credit where credit is due. Unfortunately the antifeminist backlash has been effective enough to re-brainwash men that women exist solely to entertain and take care of them. Until most men wake up and realize that the world doesn't have to be men vs women, domestic role vs workplace, change won't happen.

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  Posted by mom2four Mon Aug 4, 2008 7:00pm PDT

  I am definitely dealing with this issue. I work full time and have four kids aged 2 through 10. My husband does plenty of things to help out, but nowhere near what I do. And he expects me to do these things and more, "because I'm the Mom". I don't feel really appreciated, and he has no clue all I do. The working mom life is not easy. Sometimes I wish I could be supported like a traditional marriage.

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  Posted by moreoptions@rocketmail.com Tue Aug 5, 2008 7:11am PDT

  I couldn't find a job that would pay enough to cover daycare for twins, and let me have any money leftover for bills. I started looking online for stuff I could do from home and found some great places. I have made a list of places that I have used (only free ones), I know they're all legit because I don’t list them until I've been paid by them. I do have survey sites listed; only the ones that I know for sure work. The 2nd place I listed is totally different. You design and run your own jewelry web store. You don't buy inventory or anything; you make commission from the sales. In my opinion it's a win-win situation. You can see my list and details on these places at http://www.freewebs.com/free2workathome/

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  Posted by Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word Tue Aug 5, 2008 8:51am PDT

  Great article. I disagree, however, with two assertions: "You accomplished everything you did because of me" [husband's assertion]; and "Everything I have is because of you." You have your ambition, drive, tenacity, vision, hutzpah, creativity, intellect, strategic thinking ability, people skills, and interpersonal confidence because of You. Don't give away credit for those attributes. I also take issue with the statement, "I ask for you to allow me to invest money in the business, you do." I agree wholeheartedly that it is crucial for a couple to discuss money and negotiate and agree, jointly, how to spend, invest, etc. I think it's dangerous to give away our power, as wives, by feeling that we have to get *permission* to spend Our money (our, as in the money belongs to both of us, no matter who out earns the other). That being said, our husbands need to feel appreciated, valued, loved, not taken for granted--especially, so it seems, in the face of our successful ambitious endeavors. It's lovely the way you credit him, thank him, and Validate him for the contributions and support that he seems to shower on you. Give and take is so important. I have seen many women--and I've been guilty of this myself--who don't stop to thank our partners for their support. Thank you for raising this important point. Still, we as women should be careful about giving away (even if and especially if we're doing it in our own minds) our equal footing in our relationships. Back to www.WomenCanHaveItAll.com: I love your website and the fabulous content, by the way. Congratulations on your fast-track success!

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  Posted by alan Tue Aug 5, 2008 1:26pm PDT

  From a man's pt. of view, validation is so key! The ability for that input is so essential for any healthy relationship. Walking into the kitchen and receiving loving messages of appreciation, adoration or simply laying aside one's laundry list of concerns and listening attentively to the other is so reassuring and life-giving. I know now after two failed marriages and several relationships what a life-giving connection I may provide to my loving partner.

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  Posted by alan Tue Aug 5, 2008 1:26pm PDT

  From a man's pt. of view, validation is so key! The ability for that input is so essential for any healthy relationship. Walking into the kitchen and receiving loving messages of appreciation, adoration or simply laying aside one's laundry list of concerns and listening attentively to the other is so reassuring and life-giving. I know now after two failed marriages and several relationships what a life-giving connection I may provide to my loving partner.

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  Posted by Cursed Romantic Tue Aug 5, 2008 11:20pm PDT

  I definitely agree with Ambition is not a dirty word and with Alan. Men and women need to realize they have greater capabilities than their given "roles" in society, as well as taking credit for and owning the character traits to be successful. But at the same time as Alan said being validated is essential part of any relationship. If neither husband or wife feels that then likely there will be a greater disconnect in the marriage and a dramatic increase in the chance of the marriage ending in divorce.

  I think too that this is part of the reason why most women are choosing not to have kids. I know many say they just don't have that "maternal" instinct, which is likely true for most of them. But I think at the same time most are just worried that if they do get into a situation where they are pregnant they know that they won't get help from their spouses or boyfriends and will likely have to quit their career and raise the child, while their guy likely goes to work or leaves the as a single parent. I'm not saying any of this is set in stone or anything, but really with the way society is shaping up it would appear that women can't always have it all. So I think most women are sacrificing having it all for having what they can "control". Which in their view is the job and their marriage. I really do think men need to step up to the plate and realize that they have helped to make these kids so they should be man enough to "provide" for them in new ways. I mean with roles and different aspects of life changing up so much, guys should start seeing buying groceries and diapers and even changing them and what not as providing and provisions for his family as well. I'm not saying a man should be forced into house husbandry, but more should be willing to help out. Support is great on an emotional level but guys need to be there more for the family they helped to create.

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