365 Days...

(I'm over this. I know I am. Its just been a long weekend.)

Today is the one year anniversey of my break up with my psycho ex. Over the past year she's entered and left my mind at random. Its normal, I tell myself, because she was my long realtionship ever. And whenever I'm really depressed I wonder if I'm like the others in her track list. Wondering if it was all a lie.


Her name is IDS Girl. I met her online. She was a cool person to talk to and I started to develope a crush on her even though I never saw a picture of her. When I did the crush cemented. She was pretty, smart, she loved books, she wrote. Oh and she had a boyfriend. I figured that was just my luck. I mean of course she would have a boyfriend. Then I started to wonder more about the girl when she would tell about all the other boys she was dating. To this day I still don't know if I have this right but I think it was something like this.

Jeremey was her boyfriend at home. Issac was her boyfriend who used to live close by but now lived in Florida. Nick was her weird on again off again verbally abusive boyfriend that live in Georgia. Billy was her "hero" boyfriend that lived in Texas. Rich, Davie, and Cody were guys at school she flirted with on a daily basis. And then there was Peter. Peter was supposedly her "true boyfriend". She told me that she was going to get married with him but he ended up cheating on her and got the other girl pregnant.

After finding out that she had boyfriends in the double digits I gave up on my crush. I just knew it was stupid to think that I could even be with a girl like her. But ironically enough I would get her. When was back on with Nick she told me she had a crush on me. I told her I had one on her a long time ago. She asked me if I wanted to kiss her. Like I was going to step on that time bomb. But I wasn't given a choice. She kissed me and then thats when I receded into a cocoon of stupidity and emotions.

For eight months I dated IDS Girl. I tried to be the perfect boyfriend, but she made it so hard. She flirted with everybody. She teased guys at her school. I didn't want to be the type of boyfriend that was insanely jealous but what could I do. When she asked if it bothered me I told "of course it bothers me" then she asked why didn't I tell her to stop? Because I thought she had more sense than that. But I just dealt with it. She called me every night talking my ear off until late at night and then she would wake me up the crack of dawn so she could talk to me as she got ready for school.My phone bill went through the roof because of her. I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted with this girl. All the while we dated my friends told me to dump her. That she was bad for me. I just ignored them and did whatever my heart told me to do. I was in love and I guess I just expected everything would fix itself.

On the night we broke up I went to watch movies at Rick's house (we were friends then) and Luna had broken up with Fitz. Hayden was with me and helped console Luna. We started to watch the movie and IDS Girl called me and demanded to know where I was. I told her I was out with my friends and that Luna was having an emotional break down. She got angry at me and told me to call her back when she was higher on my priorities list. She kept texting through the movie and then finally I went outside and called her.

She told me she felt unloved and that I was being a terrible boyfriend. That I never called enough. That I was selfish and that I never said "I love you" anymore. I snapped after that. She was the one who told me that if she didn't say "I love you" it was only because she didn't want the words to lose meaning. For thirty minutes we talked and she told me that she developed a crush on another boy, Mark, in California. She said she was confused but she wanted to work everything out with me. I ended up dumping her. I burned all of her stuff (which was little since she liked to get gifts instead of give them). But I felt great. I told her goodbye (which to her was a big thing, meaning goodbye forever) and that I didn't want to hear from her ever again.

I haven't heard from her since that day. I got over her and then I started to like Hayden and then I fell in love with her. But there are days where I still wonder if any of it was real. The kisses, the letters, anything.

Oh well. I feel better now that I've written something. Happy Anniversey to any and all other break ups.

See you in the skies,

Icarus