Abusive relationships

Abusive relationships - the trick is not getting out I found but staying out. I got out of mine with my child's father when they were about seven months old. He was verbally and physically abusive. I was pregnant when we moved in together and he would slam me up against the wall, had me so stressed out all the time the baby would stop moving and I was so sick the whole pregnancy. He made life so miserable. He kept a gun in our house and would threaten to use it when I was not doing what he wanted in all areas of our life. 

We managed to stay away from him for years - literally he did not see us or anything for about three years. He came back into our lives in November 08' on a Holiday only basis. He had me believing that he was a changed man, that he wanted a life as a family. Well, less than a year later he has been in and out so many times I have lost count. (One of the reasons I did not let him back sooner) He is still verbally abusive and manipulative (not physically this time so far), he lies and does not understand why it does not work anymore. He is jealous of our child and wants to only talk about / do things for himself all the time. I get stuck feeling bad for him, he came from a messed up / abusive family situation. But , I know that does not mean my child has to. We do not live with him now luckily, we supposed to move in together when he had us all snowed. I found out right before he was to be with us fulltime again that it was all lies and no real progress had been made.

I still feel bad but love my child more than I feel bad. I did not create my child's fathers issues and I can not fix them. He is not mentally well and the field of counseling is failing him because even they can not see through the lies. He is very convincing , scary pathological type lying. He may love us but not in a healthy way. I always say that I may not have left him if it were not for my child. My child saved my life and I will protect theirs until the end of time. I am out again this time for good - can't do it, my child is old enough to know what is going on now. They can see and say things like "daddy makes mommy cry" and "you and daddy can't get married because you argue".

To all the woman out there in abusive relationships, get out and stay out. It is hard and takes more strength than you may feel like you have but you have to. My child has lost their father but what kind of father is he really anyway? They will heal in time better now than waiting to see what kind of abuse they get. The honeymoon period as they call it always comes to an end and the abuse rears its ugly head. Seek out support groups and have a safety plan in place - 2 key steps.