Growing up as a child I always felt like no matter how hard
I tried, no matter how much I put my heart and soul into something,
I wasn't good enough. Instead of encouragement I was given
discouragement. It seemed like everytime I tried to accomplish
a goal or be a part of something greater than myself I was met with
opposition by those who meant the most to me. Strangely I was never
told I didn't have what it takes, I was just told you can't
do this you can't do that, don't do that you should do
this. I didn't even question the source I just believed
it. I started living my life in search of approval because I
thought I needed it. I pushed myself to be the best I can be at
everything I do only to be put down. I tried to
make everything I do be perfect so that
there was no room for doubt. I just wanted my loved ones
to believe in me and my ablilities and share in my success only to
feel my world was shattered when I made a mistake because
that was when they pointed out how I am not perfect the
most. I felt like I had been held to standards that the people
criticizing me never tryed to meet themselves which caused me
to realize they are not perfect either. Sometimes I used to
think maybe that is the thorn in my side to keep me grounded. Is
approval by the people you love a form of love? Sometimes I still
feel like I need it. It's not easy being imperfect in an
imperfect world.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Being imperfect in an imperfect world
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