I've been seeing this guy for a lil over a
year now and I tell him I love him but I dont really feel like I do
anymore I know I'm just saying it to keep him from going back
to his past. I care about him tremendously, I would move heaven and
earth for him and sometimes feel like i do; I'm his full time
superwoman...but he dont act like hes my full time
superman; that hurts me. he was in a on again off again 6
year relationship with his ex and was on yet
another 'break' from the girl when he met me and we
started to go out. he kept me a secret from her until I
confronted her after a year when she came over his house
one morning trippin. he said he didnt know how to let the girl
know that he has met someone else, he didnt want to hurt her
feelings cause shes a nice girl. I feel that he wasn't caring
about my feelings when he continue to call her and see her and
carry on this facade that they was going to get back together
with her.
after me and the girl bucked up into one
another...they were having "talks" about their
relationship, its sorta stopped now but it was until
all hours of the night, and he won’t tell me what’s
the deal between them, and avoids talking about our
relationship....he just wants to carry on with me like nothing has
happened. he says I'm selfish with my feelings cause
i don’t care about how the ex feels and how he feels
(being he is in the middle). But I feel f**cking disrespected
to the max. I feel like my feelings are being tossed aside for
hers and even though I'm the only that he’s been with, and
sleeps over his house and goes lil places with I feel f**cking
betrayed. I have put no less than 100% into this and I only feel
like i'm getting 30% from him. He’s not romantic at
all cause he says he’s depressed cause he’s in a financial bind.
He’s broke 24/7 so I end up paying for everything;
which includes in prepaid cell...and his rent. I'm too nice,
just dont want to see him fall so i save him and then I feel like
he taking advantage of me cause I dont have a savings because of
him then I start cussing him out. on top of everything, he says the
most f**ked up things to me. and when I want to leave its like
he’s waiting for me to be really serious, I feel like he still has
his ex to fall back on and that was always the plan (well at least
until I met her).
so with all this and a couple other things that I'm
too tired to mention...he’s worn me down to the point where I'm
going crazy, I no longer feel like myself anymore. He’s worn
me down mentally, emotionally, physically and financially and no
matter how many times I tell him this...he’s doesn’t listen and
he never changes and I’m fed up.
i know I need to leave because he doesn’t make me completely
happy, I'm only really satisfied with half of him the
other half I wonder if he'll ever turn out to be what I
need him to be. With that said...yes, I do feel like I’m playing
the waiting game, my mind is wrapped up into this fantasy that
he'll become a lawyer like he says and I’ll miss out
because I didn’t have the patience or the tuff skin to weather the
storm.
I tried to ignore all the things thats been stressing me out, I
tried to make us a team both in a relationship and
partnership by starting a business together but I can't focus
on the team because I feel like his focus is either on himself or
his ex. So now that the team is falling apart...he's
blaming me for not loving him enough and focusing on her when i
should be focused on us. I agree, I get vex outta the blue and
pick fights with her on the topic of her, but hes not trying
to make me secure about us, enough to be like, 'whatever,
she'll soon go away.' I dont feel like he is ever going to
let her go for me.
my heart left the building a long time ago after all he has put me
through, it’s just my mind that holds me back. He’s got a real
strong mental hold on me I'm only in love with his wisdom
and what he represents to me and what we could be, I don’t feel
butterflies, I don’t feel unconditional, consuming, head over
heels, cloud 9 love. Has a man ever had a mental hold on you,
maybe to the point where you feel like a brainwashed puppet? and
even though you can see the strings attached to your legs and
arms...you feel helpless to the control and continue to let him do
so?
