Saturday, December 5, 2009

Breaking up is so hard to do...

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I've been seeing this guy for a lil over a year now and I tell him I love him but I dont really feel like I do anymore I know I'm just saying it to keep him from going back to his past. I care about him tremendously, I would move heaven and earth for him and sometimes feel like i do; I'm his full time superwoman...but he dont act like hes my full time superman; that hurts me. he was in a on again off again 6 year relationship with his ex and was on yet another 'break' from the girl when he met me and we started to go out. he kept me a secret from her until I confronted her after a year when she came over his house one morning trippin. he said he didnt know how to let the girl know that he has met someone else, he didnt want to hurt her feelings cause shes a nice girl. I feel that he wasn't caring about my feelings when he continue to call her and see her and carry on this facade that they was going to get back together with her.

after me and the girl bucked up into one another...they were having "talks" about their relationship, its sorta stopped now but it was until all hours of the night, and he won’t tell me what’s the deal between them, and avoids talking about our relationship....he just wants to carry on with me like nothing has happened. he says I'm selfish with my feelings cause i don’t care about how the ex feels and how he feels (being he is in the middle). But I feel f**cking disrespected to the max. I feel like my feelings are being tossed aside for hers and even though I'm the only that he’s been with, and sleeps over his house and goes lil places with I feel f**cking betrayed. I have put no less than 100% into this and I only feel like i'm getting 30% from him. He’s not romantic at all cause he says he’s depressed cause he’s in a financial bind. He’s broke 24/7 so I end up paying for everything; which includes in prepaid cell...and his rent. I'm too nice, just dont want to see him fall so i save him and then I feel like he taking advantage of me cause I dont have a savings because of him then I start cussing him out. on top of everything, he says the most f**ked up things to me. and when I want to leave its like he’s waiting for me to be really serious, I feel like he still has his ex to fall back on and that was always the plan (well at least until I met her).

so with all this and a couple other things that I'm too tired to mention...he’s worn me down to the point where I'm going crazy, I no longer feel like myself anymore. He’s worn me down mentally, emotionally, physically and financially and no matter how many times I tell him this...he’s doesn’t listen and he never changes and I’m fed up.

i know I need to leave because he doesn’t make me completely happy, I'm only really satisfied with half of him the other half I wonder if he'll ever turn out to be what I need him to be. With that said...yes, I do feel like I’m playing the waiting game, my mind is wrapped up into this fantasy that he'll become a lawyer like he says and I’ll miss out because I didn’t have the patience or the tuff skin to weather the storm.

I tried to ignore all the things thats been stressing me out, I tried to make us a team  both in a relationship and partnership by starting a business together but I can't focus on the team because I feel like his focus is either on himself or his ex. So now that the team is falling apart...he's blaming me for not loving him enough and focusing on her when i should be focused on us. I agree, I get vex outta the blue and pick fights with her on the topic of her, but hes not trying to make me secure about us, enough to be like, 'whatever, she'll soon go away.' I dont feel like he is ever going to let her go for me. 

my heart left the building a long time ago after all he has put me through, it’s just my mind that holds me back. He’s got a real strong mental hold on me I'm only in love with his wisdom and what he represents to me and what we could be, I don’t feel butterflies, I don’t feel unconditional, consuming, head over heels, cloud 9 love. Has a man ever had a mental hold on you, maybe to the point where you feel like a brainwashed puppet? and even though you can see the strings attached to your legs and arms...you feel helpless to the control and continue to let him do so?

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  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:21am PDT

    My dear, I was married to an emotional abuser for 22 yrs. I took all his ridicule, keeping me from my family and friends, and whatever he could throw at me verbally and physically but when he flaunted a girl friend in my face his ass hit the sidewalk faster than he could say Jack Robinson. Got my restraining order for one year, got divorced during that time and never looked back. He tried to fight the restraining order, fight the divorce and the authorities saw it all my way. I had truth on my side and the lying, sneaking skunk got skinned. My only thoughts about him today are "I hope the foreskin on his penis srangles him someday." Enough said. Move on, dear. Don't look back. You deserve better than what you are getting and only YOU can give it to YOURSELF. Be an independent woman, nothing like it. Oh, I am married now to a wonderful man who is all man and does not ever stop me from being the woman that I am. They are out there and THEY WILL FIND YOU. Let your light shine and you wil ATTRACT the right kind of man.

    Blessings to you, dear.

    Mrs. B

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