CONFUSION

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  Posted by nicagirl Fri Oct 31, 2008 1:51am PDT

  I can sympathise with you because I just went through something similar. Having a child changes a relationship so much, not all men are able to understand those changes or have the patience to do so. A lot find in other women the attention their partners would give them before the baby. IT's soo hard to get that trust back. In the end the ones most affected are the kids. People will tell you to leave him, but only you know how you guys get along. Maybe couples therapy will be useful. And in the end, if it's not meant to be you'll both realize you might not be right for each other and end things on good terms. From the bottom of my heart I wish you the best for your family, tell your husband to help you fight for something better. You both have to want it. I wish you the best.

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  Posted by *ANGEL EYES* Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:02am PDT

  HEY nicagirl,thanx for the great advice!!!!

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  Posted by curiously Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:56am PDT

  My neighbors are a styles family. They have two children: a boy and a daughter. Most of my neighbors ignore their children probably because they are only children. He's son looks pretty much the same with him and she's daughter looks pretty much the same with her.

  When they go to a restaurant, everybody salute them because they are a classy happy family, but when they go to the home, fights between them are starting.

  I am their neighbor for a while and I have seen fights... When I go to visit them, first thing I'm looking for are his naughty boy and girl. Without them everything looks fine but they parents are not single ... not even once.

  I'm not talking about confusion here but about bounds. Commitments ... what can I say ... are commitments and their bound family is strong.

  Sometimes I'm starting myself thinking that I hate to have right, but if somebody wants to visit them, they can starting to talk with them, visit them or both.

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  Posted by iron horse Fri Oct 31, 2008 4:05pm PDT

  When my wife had our son I felt she was neglecting me and things changed between us, the baby slept with us and the romance stopped. I foolishly looked elsewhere for the affection I felt I wasn't recieving from my wife. Even if it was just flirting your husband was wrong because he was being intimate with another female. That's wrong, especially while you were pregnant. Emotions run so high during those months and stress affects the baby negatively. That said what's done is done. On to the present. You are finding letters from another female in his pocket. I'm not sure what the content of those letters says but I don't think that another woman should be writing anything to your husband if it deals with things outside of work. He should not be accepting letters written from another female. A written letter suggests intimate feelings and that has tendancies to lead to other problems. Trust me, I know. Been there and almost lost my marriage because of it. I think marriage counseling will be a great idea for the two of you. One, it gives you a chance to say things that to eachother with a mediator with knowledge to help interpret those feelings in a clear and concise way that you will both be able to understand. Two, it shows a true committment to understanding the underlying issues of your marriage. A better understanding of the others feelings and thoughts or emotions will build a better and stronger marriage because he will understand what you feel when something questionable comes up....like, "I should probably tell this lady to stop writing me letters because it hurts my wifes feelings and that hurts my feelings."

  Perhaps he just doesn't see anything wrong with it and I think a third person to tell him that it is wrong because it hurts you will help him see that it's not right. I hope this helps in some way shape or form. I wish you the best of luck in your marriage.

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  Posted by DariusS Sat Nov 1, 2008 7:59pm PDT

  Well this just happened to me Im a male my wife and I have been together for 7 yrs married for 4. We have a son 4yrs old. I found out about the affair,pregnacy, and abortion by myself. I just couldent take it so I leftand moved to another state. She claims that she broke it off and wants to try to fix things but I cant trust her anymore I love her with all my heart but its time for me to decide weither I want this relationship or not its no longer up to her Its my decision the space and distance will reviel the truth.

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  Posted by pwsgirl Sun Nov 2, 2008 5:34am PST

  If you have found letters from another female, then you need to take some serious action. How recently were these letters written and discovered? You need to tell your husband that, while he claims he had no affair, that the letters prove otherwise. He has had what is known as an emotional affair. My husband had one 10 years ago with a female coworker and it almost ruined our marriage. Tell him that you love him but that you want to get counseling because this has hurt you deeply and that is the only way you can get past it and move on in a healthy relationship. If that doesn't work, then share the situation with one of his trusted family members, a parent or sibling. It may sound mean to do, but if they know what has been happening, the humiliation of that alone may be enough to straighten him up. Let him know that if you don't go to the counseling, that you will do this because you need resolution. If he loves you truly, he will be willing to do what it takes to save the marriage. Good luck!

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