Disciplining children when you’re angry at them?

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  Posted by Tender Love Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:32am PDT

  I believe that both you have stated are true.

  It is not nice to cause emotional abuse to someone who does not have anyway of protecting them from harm. I believe that the parents should stop getting pissed off!!!! and find a way to cure there issue with there child without showing them negativity.

  Maybe a walk on the beach, trail, bike-ride ... could help them to understand one another.

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  Posted by casy Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:41am PDT

  Children learn from what they live, what they see, hear and so are taught behaviors from early on. So adults act like responsible adults. Teach morals and love and kindness. Set limits along the way. Watch how and what you say and do around them. much love casy xoxoxoxo

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  Posted by t Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:05pm PDT

  I was physically disciplined as a child spanked, slapped, ect., and I didn't turn into an abusive adult. But of course I didn't likeit and refused to be like the parent that did it. Parents are going to get pissed off every ow and then, but it is how you direct that anger that matters. I myself leave if I am at home with my hubby, or if not I just sit there and and not say or do anything and the anger will just go away by itself, but I damn sure not going to take it out on an innocent child who is not old enough to comprehend the meaning of right or wrong yet. I just cool down and attempt to explain that what she did was wrong and why it was wrong. My child i only 16 mths, so there is not much I can do about her doing something she should not be doing. I know, I know there is no need for peeps to tell me she is only a child so I shouldn't get mad at the things she does, but sometimes it just happens. Nobodys perfect.

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  Posted by Mrs. Carol B Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:13pm PDT

  I grew up with the understanding that if you screwed up you got the strap across you azz and that's that. No questions asked. All 6 of us children grew up to be good people. None of us are abusers. There is a difference between abuse, discipline and punishment. Abuse is cruelty to someone either physical or verbal to make the abuser feel better about him or herself. Discipline is teaching and can come in the form of verbal instruction or having the person perform a task. Punishment is a penalty for a wrongdoing. I always TRY to set a good example for my children and grandchildren so they learn to be good citizens. But, remember everyone has free choice. You can choose to repeat abuse or break away from it and be a better person.

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  Posted by Maybeenot Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:29pm PDT

  This hits too close to home for me not to comment. I get angry and inpatient often with my kids when they do things they know they aren't supposed to or when the don't do what I've told them to do several times. I do scream at them and spank them when warrented. These episodes aren't good for them or me. I often feel guilty for being so extreme verbally and apologize later when I have calmed down trying to explain that what they do or don't do is nothing that is new to them. It's rules or chores that have existed for the past 3 years (or more) in our new house yet I have to tell them everyday, like stop running in the house or don't pee on the wall & floor in thier bathroom. It does affect them as well as myself. My blood pressure soars during the screaming fits, etc. My 3 boys, especially the 2 older ones, are my biggest source of stress. It's easy for other people to say "stay calm", "act like responsible adults", or "take a walk" but when one is in the moment and it's continuous it's hard to deal with rationally. I try not to physically punish them in the heat of anger so they won't be abused physically but I know the emotional harm may be done. I've read every parenting book there is, magazine artilce, internet post, medication for them (ADHD) & myself (antideprs/anxiety), etc. It's not as easy as some might think to cope. They are smart, sweet boys and they know that I love them. I reward the good behavior and have even tried to ignore the bad behavior. Nothing seems to work. I am very consious of the problem in our family and have not crossed the line with physical abuse, but the screaming & emotional toll has to stop, I know.

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  Posted by hanson Tue Jun 23, 2009 2:21pm PDT

  hit the nail on the head casey! Kids are smart and are under-estimated at times. What they see and hear will teach tehm a great deal in how to behave. Show respect and love and allow them to think about their actions. I ask my children to repeat what I say to them so I know they are understanding me. If they are not understanding I break it down until they do. I ask them to tell me what it is that they did wrong before I make any other comments. I don't want to tell them what they did, I want them to learn to recognize when they are doing something wrong. If i see my son jumping off the back of the couch (which he is not allowed to do)I look at him with a stern look and ask "Now what is it you are doing wrong?" And he will tell me. They know when they are misbehaving (depending on age) I tell him he needs to stop and if it is done again he will be in time out or something will be taken away whatever the punishment is. Having small "chats" with your kids helps a great deal. I do not dismiss spanking, but it is rarely used. There is a time and place for each method of discipline- the parents job is to understand when, where and how to carry out the punishment. If you are all ready in a bad mood and you yell or scream...its human...thats what we are...we can fly off the handle and make this mistake. HOpefully it isn't crossing the line of abuse. But if you do, as I have done, and have yelled out of your own stresses and annoyance...then sit your child down and learn to apologize for your behavior. Show them that when you make a mistake that you need to own up to it. I MANY times have yelled when it wasn't warranted and after I had cooled off, I sit down with whoever it was that crossed my path, and explain to them that it wasn't right for me to behave that way, explain to them that what they did was still not appropriate and tell them that I love them. I'll then use that time to talk about what it was that they did wrong. Our emotions get the better of us and sometimes our kids bare the consequence...its not right and its not an excuse, but it happens. Kids should know they are loved and if you show this daily...then when they are being punished they still know you love them.

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  Posted by Tammy Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:03am PDT

  i Think that disciplining your child will teach them right form wrong

  my parents spanked my ass when i was a kid and i turned out just fine but every time i got it ,it was much deserved. If there isn't any disciplining your child they will walk all over you.

  I don't think its inflicting fear into them so they obey your every command.

  i personally think that it's more like letting them know its a disappointment to see them make that choice. I Think it will lead to your child to make better choice's down the road.

  but to much discipline is too much

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  Posted by GRACE Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:03am PDT

  crh489, amen to that. When momma and daddy say something thats it. You can take that to the bank. I got some serious whippins as a kid, but I was a smart sneaky lil brat sometimes and deserved my punishment. I knew what i did was wrong and i got what i needed to see the err of my ways. Thats how i will raise my children. My son is two. A very bright two. My momma says "he's been here before". That is the precise reason he gets into trouble because he is aware and he just likes to test you. How else will he know what is or isnt tolerated. His new thing is spitting. So i lightly pop him on his lips and say "spit stays in your mouth" he gets it and guess what he pouts but that spit doesnt go anywhere but down his throat. He is a happy, sweet child who loves people and especially other children, and to me that says alot about my husband and I and our parenting skills.

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  Posted by Cheyenne Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:45pm PDT

  Just remember, that which gave you the ability to do as you want as in disciplining a child (something the child does not want). Is also what the child is asking for when they want to do something they want (something you do not want). To say you are more correct than the child in your desires over theirs is failing to see the real blessing of grace.

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