Fear of commitment (not just a guys game)

Okay ladies and gents, I have a few things on my mind tonight but this is just one.  Commitment what is this word to you?   Well to me it means phrases such as:  "girlfriend/boyfriend", "relationship", "marriage" and "I love you".  Anyone else freaked out by this words?  Yes you heard it right a woman that has a fear of commitment.  Now I am not saying for all those who read this go out and be afraid of commitment.  Commitment can be a wonderful thing for many and for many it is.  But I am being a bit ego-centric tonight so excuse me if you will.

Now I know it is from my past the reason I feel like this.  I also know I am afraid of putting myself out there.  But the biggest thing is: I do not want to feel trapped.  Now I am not saying I want to go out and sleep with every guy I meet.  No way, I do not do that.  What I am saying if I want to fly to Rome or Paris the next day I want to pack my bag and do that.  I have done this several times.  For example I wanted to go to Seattle for 3 months.  So I found a job, an apartment and packed my bag.  I lived out of a suitcase for 3 months and loved it.  If I am in a relationship I cannot do that.  Or at least in my mind I cannot.  

Also add onto the fear of abandonment.  I know I am a great person but once someone gets to know me long enough how do I know they will stay.  I am intense (passionate even).  How can I be certain that this man I will choose will stay?  See I know that I will not know unless I risk it all.   Thanks for the fear of abandonment dad.  It really helps when a guy wants to move to the next step.   

Thanks for reading my first rant of the new year. :)