In order to bring further clarity to the reader, with the recipient's foreknowledge, I altered this letter by combining it with a couple of other letters I wrote to other friends regarding this subject.
Just to let the reader in on what the tragedy was, as mentioned in the letter, Patricia’s friends’ son had to undergo serious brain surgery because, if I remember right, a huge cancerous mass in his brain needed to be removed. And Patricia’s 10-year-old daughter had just undergone successful massive open-heart surgery because of a serious birth defect. The seriousness of these illnesses in children (and in anyone else dealing with life-altering illness), bringing about intense sorrow and suffering, prompted me to write her about this dream I’d had in order to hopefully help bring comfort to people in those moments of deep despair. The good news is that the surgery on the boy was successful just as it had been with Bethany. God graciously answered our prayers in the affirmative. Praise Jesus!
Hope everyone enjoys.
Smiles :O),Firstsheaf
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Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, (NIV).
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Hey Patricia!!
Thanks so much for your letter. And thank
you for entrusting me with praying for your friends' son.
I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible ordeal they are going
through. But how wonderful that you, though your ordeal
with Bethany was so
utterly terrible, can now offer them comfort through their terrible
time of suffering. And I can't tell you what it means to
me to have people I write to and write to me, who have this same
illness that I have, totally understand this hardship. It
does something to a person just to have someone silently, but
big-heartedly with lots of love and comfort, listen who has been
through it without all the judgmentalist and
"know-it-all-know-nothing" advice that outsiders
have. And it so helps when one who understands, maybe, offers
a few comforting words when things are really getting
desperate. The Lord really does use our sufferings to soothe
the wounds of others. As a matter of fact, I really felt
pressed by the Lord to share this story with you this whole
week. And now I know why.
On December 23, 1999, I had a very eye-opening dream. I dreamed that an angel was sent to Jesus while He was still on Earth and was suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane (sweating profusely because He was so stressed out by the suffering He was going to have to endure and by being separated from the Father and what He thought were His friends) in order to bring Him to my time to speak with me. But the angel had a strange time-shifting mechanism or lever that he maneuvered in order to transport Jesus here. (Also Jesus was only allotted a very small amount of time to do that because He was on a very strict time table. If He didn't get back on time, He wouldn't have been crucified.) When He arrived, He stood before me with what I think was a thin layer of sweaty-blood, packing His hair against his head, looking very forlorn; but somehow He managed still to be extremely pleasant and kind and, I think, somehow embraced me. Have you ever met a person who is just pleasant all the time, no matter what? That's how He was--just so consistently lovingly pleasant though he was visibly distressed and filled with great turmoil.
Then He looked intently at me and asked me point blank, "Is it worth it? I need to know." While waiting for my reply, He kind of leaned His head to the side a little and rested Himself kind of tilted up against a wall, seated up against it with His right knee bent, shifted up a little. He had such a way of making me feel comfortable with Him... He just seemed so cool--his mannerisms, that is. I mean think of the coolest person you know and amplify His coolness by one hundred times at least. There's no other way to put it: He was just lovingly cool.
But I was so taken aback by what He asked me that I think I sort of sputtered out my reply as I pondered the enormity of His question because I knew what He was asking, somehow. He was asking if His being tortured and being separated from the Father (which had never happened before) and what He thought were His friends was going to be worth His trouble to try to save people's souls. At first, I thought how could God have misgivings? But then we read how Jesus really was a human being but without a sinful nature and was thus still needing encouragement. Resultantly, He actually asked the Father if He would find another way, if there was one, in order for all mankind to be saved. The amount of hate and persecution which was inflicted on Him up to that point was not at all encouraging in the way of His seeing that his cause of dying for us all would at all be productive. So He wanted to know if His Death would really impact people or if it was all a lost cause and, if it was a lost cause, maybe to come up with another way if that were an option.
But I tell you, the way He stared at me while
He waited for my answer made it seem as though He thought I were
the most important person to Him though I knew full-well I
wasn't and on top of that how awful and lowly a person I really
am. It's just His way to listen so intently and
quizzically, like He's hanging on our every word, that anyone
speaking with Him feels completely special. Amazing.
Moreover, I knew at the time that the only reason He came to me was
because I was from the future and could tell Him the outcome of
what He was supposed to do.
So I thought I would just tell Him what little I did know and hope, in some small way, that it would encourage Him. And somehow while I told Him, He embraced everything I said with love and deep interest. He's just so loving... Anyway, I told Him something close to this: "Yes, it most certainly is worth it for you to go through all of this. Apart from you under the law, we have no hope of ever having a relationship with the Father and You and the Holy Spirit--God. There's just no other way. None of us can meet up to the requirements of the law. Only You can. And since I'm from the future, I can tell you that millions if not, hope beyond hope, billions are saved as a result of your suffering. I know I am and wouldn't be fellowshipping with You now if You would not have suffered in my place."
He looked long and oh so intently at me. (I reiterate, there's just such a passionate intensity about Him; yet He is somehow so laid-back and pleasant.) And then I saw something kind of "click" in His Mind. And He said pleasantly but intensely, "I believe you. I'll do it." He turned to the angel and communicated to Him to take Him back to His time. And as the angel did this, I was catapulted back in time, too, with Jesus to watch His Suffering.
I stood there with Jesus and watched His whole torturous ordeal. I believe I saw Him beaten, flogged, clubbed, and made to drag part of His wooden cross. It was so brutal and hideous that there were times when I felt as though I totally understood why Peter freaked out on the one man, who was part of the group which came to arrest Jesus, and cut off his ear because Peter knew the tortures that lay ahead for Jesus. He'd seen many of the tortures inflicted on the criminals of that day. And to have this happen to such a loving, kind, innocent, and patient man, who he believed was the Messiah, was just too unbearable. Once or twice, I came very close to fighting for His release and then telling Him just to call out for help--that maybe it wasn't all worth it because the torture was so hideously brutal and vicious. But then I would remember that we would really all be eternally separated from God--die the second death--if He didn't.
He kept looking at me through the whole thing, too, as though the only reason He was doing it was because He believed me. It was the strangest thing. So I just stood there, helpless, and watched them do my Lord and God in.
The one most horrific wound that really stood out to me was a huge welt, shaped like a small baseball on the right side (I think) of His head (since someone whopped His head something fierce with a club), that stuck out--what seemed like to me--a couple of inches which really should have killed Him because I think I saw a small bit of brain matter ooze out from it though it could have been infected tissue oozing out instead. But somehow, He lived on to suffer more. And I don't recall the thorns except that maybe the thorns were so embedded in His skull that perhaps they were hardly noticeable from a distance. What else was so drilled into my mind was that they flogged Him till I could see some of His organs showing through particularly in the front upper right abdomen area; His ribs showed through also. And His face was so incredibly ripped up and bloodied that He was nearly unrecognizable. His whole ordeal was so hideous that I think the Lord has hid a lot of His suffering from my memory so that I won't be freaking out about it all the time. Because of the trauma of watching someone be awfully and brutally murdered, for three days afterward, I cried and cried and cried--done to the One I truly love more than anyone or anything.
The worst was watching them nail His hand-wrists and feet-ankles into the wood. I about jumped out of my skin when I saw the anguish on Jesus' face and thought about the pain it must be causing Him. But He somehow was still able to convey that overpowering sweet love He had for everyone present through it all. It was so incredible how He seemed to smile at me and embrace me even from His Cross, still somehow so pleasant. But the amount of Blood seemed surreal, so gruesome that I felt like vomiting. I didn't know anyone could produce so much blood. It was everywhere. And people couldn't stand nearby the base of the cross and look up at Him without tracking away massive Blood or getting some of His Blood splattered on them. After further thought, because He was immortal since He had never sinned, He could have bled on and on forever and not died. But I wonder if maybe He bled just enough before He gave up His Spirit so that every person who was to believe in Him as the Sacrifice for his/her sins was covered…
The amount of blood was so immense that I remember one man, a bald man, in particular who walked up to the cross and looked way up there at Jesus as He said something somberly to the man; afterward, the man sadly walked away, tracking Jesus' Blood after himself. I personally was standing close enough that, from time-to-time as He would excruciatingly lift His body up to breathe (because His legs were kind of scrunched up a bit toward His waist area, not straight out), some of His Blood splattered on me and in my mouth, like maybe from an open artery. I know it sounds gross, but it really wasn’t...just like when one’s parent or spouse or child’s bodily fluids would not seem gross while he/she is dying. Interest and love for the suffering one overrides anything else. His death process was just inescapably so gruesome and very, very sad. But He kept looking at me like, "I believe you." It was all just too extremely hard to take, watching this lovingly pleasant, innocent, and kind man, my God, being murdered before my very eyes because He believed me.
Finally, it was finished.
Then He somehow conveyed to me, "I believed you that it all was worth it is why I agreed to the suffering. Will you believe me as I believed you?"
I was shocked. What a question! But it was so like the Lord to turn things around on me in such a loving manner in order to help me learn since I seem to learn best through experience. To think, would I believe Him like how He believed me? He sees the future; He knows my outcome just as certainly as I did His. Though I probably won't see the results while I'm here and may even be massively persecuted even to death (perhaps because of my body giving in to illness since my spirit is so crushed because of my human frailty or perhaps because of some other reason), suffering for ministering is all worth it, He said. I just started crying because His question so pierced my heart since I had been asking Him if sharing His Word and His messages was worth it in light of my most recent persecutions and resultant illness, considering how much almost everyone I seem to minister to and love seems to so hate and persecute me and disown me for sharing His loving Word with them and others. It was just totally beyond me why I have to suffer so much, or "bear the cost," for people who hate me.
Then a couple of weeks later, He showed me something I like to call the lesson of the olive which pulled it all together for me: When an olive is really ripe, it is picked from the branch in such a way (along with the other ripe ones) that the branch will not be damaged so that it can still produce. Next, it is taken through a cleaning process to remove all the dirt and filth and leaves and other debris that don't belong in the final product. Afterward, it is taken to an area where a huge millstone crushes it until all of the liquid, its essence, is pressed out of it. Then the liquid goes through a time of separation which divides the oil from the whey or watery substance. Last, the oil is taken from the liquid and is used for many different purposes like lamp oil (to light a flame), hair tonic (grooming purposes), balm (for healing purposes), fragrance, food, etc.
What all this means is that each of us is an olive. When we are ripe for belief in His Righteousness, we are picked by His Gentle Hand so as not to disturb others from having a chance to grow ripe. He cleanses us and makes us look holy and righteous before the Father always as well as sanctifies us by having us spend time in His Presence, removing all of the debris in our lives. Then when crushing circumstances come into our lives, our fleshly desires die; and the only thing left is our spirit and the Holy Spirit. And even that is separated as people begin to despise us and we are separated from them. We even lose what little spirit we had left in spreading His Word till only the Holy Spirit, which is the oil, is remaining. And so when we are finally no more in this life, the Holy Spirit can go to work. It wasn't until after Jesus died and resurrected in the Holy Spirit's power that the Holy Spirit could come and be released from Him to us for multi-purposes. It is the same for us who follow in Jesus' footprints.
Furthermore, a couple of weeks after the Lord showed me about the olive parable, I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to do a word study on the Garden of Gethsemane. I found out that this garden is located on the slope of The Mount of Olives which was quite a relief for me because I didn't know, goofy me, both were kind of the same. And get this, Gethsemane means "Oil Press." Isn't that incredible? Remember, He showed me that tidbit of information after He shared with me about the olive oil above. It just all fit so perfectly together. And then I found out that the Garden of Gethsemane was one of His favorite places to spend time. So when we come to the "Oil Press" places on our journey of faith in this life, it is His favorite place to spend time with us. He is very active in our lives at that time and may manifest Himself in many different ways to us during those times, not just to me. He is there for all of us when we call on Him. Praise Jesus!! He is such an awesome Teacher and Comforter.
So though you went through that terrible trying
ordeal with Bethany, now the Holy Spirit's oil or balm can be shed on your
neighbors. He can utilize that experience in you to bring
them comfort through the Holy Spirit. Jesus is so ingenious
in how He turns terrible situations (that satan would want to
destroy us with) into great victories for God. Praise
Almighty God of all things!!!
In light of all this information, please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I was the angel who ministered to Jesus while He was at the Garden of Gethsemane praying. Instead, I was just given the wonderful opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about sorrow and suffering by seeing what it was like to be in the place of His ministering angel who had the great privilege of encouraging Jesus and who subsequently watched Jesus suffer for the salvation of all mankind.
Also it is important to be able to decipher between suffering for God's Word and suffering because the Lord is chastening (not wrath or punishment) us to believe only Him to be our righteousness--that His Grace is what we now live and function in so that judgment will not touch us and is put off because of the day of atonement. This chastening usually comes about through hurtful events (that more often than not we have brought on ourselves which He allows to take its full course) in our lives. This is when He is circumcising our hearts so that we will humbly come to the conclusion that we cannot stand before the Lord in our own sense of accomplishment. But if we come to the realization that it is only through His loving choice of forgiveness after we humble ourselves that we stand in Jesus’ Righteousness alone, this chastening ends immediately like with the prodigal son. And all this happens just so that God can begin to show us His true Loving Character while in fellowship with Him which we cannot see through the worldly uncircumcised eyes of our hearts.
Anyway, I hope that wasn't too long; but I just felt the need to share that with you. Hope it helps a little. And I'll be praying for your neighbor's boy when I go to the Lord tonight. Well, I'll let ya go. See ya here or in the air!! Bye!!
Smiles :O),
Firstsheaf
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Here is a Bible study for clarity regarding the
subject at hand and its validity:
Luke 22:42-44,
Matthew 26:36-44,
2 Corinthians 12:8-10,
Matthew 20:22-23,
Mark 14:32-42 (especially note verses 35 and 41),
Mark 10:36-39,
John 18:1-11 (especially note verse 11),
Luke 22:20,
1 Corinthians 11:25,
Hebrews 5:7-8,
Psalms 143:3-4,
Psalms 34:18,
Psalms 44:17-22,
Proverbs 17:22,
Isaiah 53:5,
Proverbs 15:4,
13,
John 18:22,
John 19:3,
John 19:1-30,
Luke 22:53 and
63-65,
Luke 23:26-49,
Mark 14:53-65,
Mark 15:1-43 (especially note verses
19 and
34),
Matthew 26:56-67 (note verse 67),
Matthew 27:11-56 (especially note verses
30 and
46),
Luke 22: 49-51,
John 18:10-11,
Mark 14:46-50 (especially note verse 50),
Matthew 26:50-54,
Isaiah 50:5-6,
Isaiah 52:13-15,
Isaiah 53:1-12 (especially note verse
10),
Psalms 22:1-24 (especially note verses
1 and
16),
John 6:53-69,
Acts 8:26-40 (especially note Philip’s
teleportation in
39 and 40),
Galatians 3:1-2,
2 Corinthians 12:2-4,
2 Kings 5:15-27 (especially note
26 with regard to traveling around in the Spirit or in the
Kingdom of God),
2 Kings 6:8-23 (especially note seeing into the Kingdom of God
or the spiritual realm in verse
17),
Revelation 1:1-2 and
10 (with regard to being in the Holy Spirit’s realm, the
spiritual real, the Kingdom of God),
Ezekiel 37:1,
Ezekiel 40:1-3,
Daniel 7:1-2,
Hebrews 13:8,
1 Corinthians 12:12-31,
2 Corinthians 4:18,
Ephesians 1:18-19,
1 Corinthians 26-31,
1Corinthians 2:1-16 (especially note verse
5),
Daniel 8:27,
2 Kings 13:14,
2 Kings 13:20-21,
Acts 18:9-11,
Acts 23:11,
Acts 7:54-58,
Acts 2:23,
John 20:25-27,
Hebrews 4:12,
Hebrews 9:11-28,
Psalm 31,
John 14:12,
Matthew 13:52,
Matthew 16:24-26,
Acts 14:22,
1 Peter 5:10,
Hebrews 2:9-10,
Hebrews 5:7-10,
Hebrews 13:11-14,
1 Peter 2:18-25,
Romans 5:3-4 and
9-10,
2 Thessalonians 1:4-5,
2 Timothy 1:8-10,
2 Timothy 2:8-13,
Hebrews 10:32-36,
Hebrews 11:13-16,
Hebrews 13:3,
James 5:10-11,
1 Peter 4:12-19,
Romans 8:17-18 and
28,
2 Corinthians 1:3-10,
Philippians 3:7-10,
2 Timothy 3:10-14,
Philippians 2:25-30,
Colossians 1:24.
© 12-23-1999 to 1-1-2009 Firstsheaf
