There is power in planning—you make a budget, you’ve got a map
to anywhere you want to go. But, for all the plan making and budget
creating that I encourage, the real power is in the honesty you
bring to the table.
The truth is sneaky sometimes. We think we’re speaking it. Playing
our cards. But sometimes it is deeper than we are used to playing.
How many times have you hemmed and hawed your way out of a
commitment? Do you leave sundry items off of your budget and wonder
where the money went? When you’ve overspent, what do you tell your
partner when he or she asks if you are on task, on budget? Do you
keep it to yourself and promise yourself to get on track next
month?
In personal finance, personal honesty cannot be overstated. The
broader culture is certainly feeling this truism as we spiral into
the consequences of inflated obligations and unstable loans. We are
seeing on a community level how our personal choices affect each
other. I call this effect “the Spiral Concept”: it’s the idea that
I really don’t do anything in my world that doesn’t affect someone
else.
Lighting the dark spots
Women by nature are community-aware. We radiate outward and we
notice the effects we have on our families, our relationships. I
might do something mundane, but I can see its effects on myself, my
partner, my community. The great news is that I can use this
awareness to create change. If the spiral is negative, by becoming
aware of my place in it, with complete honesty about my
contributions, I can make it a positive spiral. My actions can
create a positive affect outward.
So how do you get honest about money? Allow every last aspect of it
to surface. What follows are a couple of exercises to help you
explore where you are being honest and where you are falling short
of it. As you approach the exercises, open yourself up to your
deepest truths and fears. If you are making a budget and looking at
options, bring up the possibility of failure. List it as one of
your options. It is mortifying, but when you talk about failure in
the light of day, it becomes an option. Options are choices. When
you know all of your choices, you are empowered. You can get a
sense of how resisting some of them in silence is affecting the
rest of your abilities and actions.
Knowing is better than hiding
- Write down the general themes or your repetitive behaviors around dishonesty: I set myself on a budget every month and fall off two weeks later.
- Then write down who that behavior effects: Me, because I get down on myself; my family because I overspend, which makes me stressed, so it affects my relationship with kids; I don’t know how to answer husband when he asks if I’m on budget.
Write down actions you need to take to clean up that
agreement:
1. Create a budget that works with real numbers.
2. Enroll a mentor or my community to stay on track
3. Do my budget on Monday morning, rather than Sunday when it will
stress the family
4. Keep my husband informed as to where we are financially
5. Create a new agreement, rather than continuously falling off the
old one
6. Say I’ve fallen off if I’ve fallen off
Another process you can take is almost the reverse. Write down any
“incompletes” you have in your world. What did you say you would do
that you did not complete? What emails have you left untended? Are
the bills late?
1. Tag, highlight or make note for those that are money
related.
2. Next to that, figure out the actions you need to take to clean
up the money-related items.
3. Mark home-related items in another highlighter color, and figure
out the actions needed to cross those off of your list.
4. Highlight personal relationships in another color.
5. Categorize topic by topic in different highlighter colors, and
then go about completing each category. Organizing them in
categories makes the list less dominating, and easier to
tackle.
When listing these things, let go of shame. Being honest isn’t
about finding shame. It is about looking at your financial life
with a fresh eye. How can you stay on track with your budget or
goals if you are not honest about yourself and whom you impact?
From ruthless honesty comes a new perspective, and a roadmap out of
unknown territory.
