How do you get past insecurities in a relationship?

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  Posted by Chris Sun Nov 8, 2009 6:22pm PST

  First I would like to know how old you are. That will make a difference in how people respond to you. We all have past failed relationships and those relationships have to be viewed as "experience". If you have lost boyfriends in the past because of being insecure, then you have not learned what you need to learn as of yet. At some point, you will realize that you're making the same mistake over and over and you will figure out how to stop. In my younger days, I would cheat on my boyfriend because I thought he would cheat on me....and maybe he did or didn't....I never knew for sure. But as I got older, I realized that my behavior and paranoia created dysfunctional relationships. So I stopped being paranoid. It gets old after a while, and when I finally let go of the paranoia, I met my husband and we developed a wonderful trustworthy relationship. Ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen if your bf cheated on you? You'd break up? You'd have a fight? You'd do what.......? If you are worth having as a gf, then doesn't he deserve the best from you? Doesn't he deserve your trust? Has he done something untrustworthy to make you feel this way? If so, then he's not the "one" and you should move on. If not, then give him a chance. And give yourself a break from the paranoia. It will drive people away from you. The end.

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  Posted by Rick Sun Nov 8, 2009 6:38pm PST

  im currently going through the very same thing with my GF, her insecurities are pushing me away, it causes me not to want to come home to her. Ive been telling her for days that she needs to leave the past in the past in the last 16months i have treated her absolutely golden, yet she cant let go of the past. she is now back to checking my emails, checking my fone while im asleep there is nothing to find ever but i still feel her insecurities weighing down on me like an anchor. if you dont let the past go and get rid of your insecurities IF they are unwarranted you may drive your BF away.

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  Posted by Autumn Mon Nov 9, 2009 5:00am PST

  Omg! I am 34, You both are so right! He has never given me any reason to think that he is cheating or is going to cheat. I have done it all, check his phone, e-mails ect. I have driven him away and we are at the point where he won't even kiss me when he leaves, he has said that he doesn't feel close to me at all. He has not yet asked me to move out, I have told him that I want to change, to get past this, I do for a few days or even a week then I am right back to where I was. He says that he thinks that I can't do it. All I want is for him to be happy, and happy with me. I know in my heart that if I do check his phone, I won't find anything, and I always know where he is because he volunteers that info, I just need to know how to get past being so scared all the time. Now that we are on the verge of breaking up, I am even more scared!

  Advice please!!!!

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