How Does One Adjust From Togetherness to Aloneness?

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  Posted by Robert Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:29pm PST

  You just turn your feelings off. It's over move on, they did. Your living in the past, stop only pain lives there.

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  Posted by Trixxi Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:36pm PST

  Of course when the other person walks first it's harder, but you could've been happy before he walked out. So try to look at it like you're free, stress free, that is. Occupy your time with family and friends and maybe work to keep your mind off of him and your relationship. I was like you, always single (by choice) and my last relationahip lasted almost 2 years and I wanted out before I finally did walk. I moved back home & it did take some adjusting, but soon I got the hang of being single & carefree. No stress, no one to argue with, no one to clean up after, no one blaming you for things and no one making you unhappy. Even though you miss the company of him, is it that you really miss having someone around? I get it, but it'll pass, I promise! : )

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  Posted by Gizmo Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:38pm PST

  Were you happy being the one alwys getting blamed? You may have felt love but you also felt degraded and frustrated, I spent 8 years with one, 7 with another and now 6 months with someone and I hate the thought of being alone again, but I also hate how love tears my heart apart. Is it the wrong guy or am I the wrong girl wanting togetherness so bad that I gave up on myself?

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  Posted by Olga Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:40pm PST

  wow, i just got out of a 2 year relationship as well... and i was also the one blamed.. i admit i did skrew up but i didnt let that get to me because it was my ex's fault as well..

  im maturing, he still acts lyk a little kid.

  i went on a 2 month vacation, txted a few times with him, called 2 times (calls r expensive when u have to pay for the air time...)anywho after not seein my bf for 3 months i of course had changed...

  he still wanted to be the same, never wanting to change our outing never wanting to try something new.

  i broke things off and were friends now, its a little weird but life goes on..

  i feel lonely as well, i dont get the daily txts lyk i used to...

  i think that you get used to having someone around that u dnt care who it is, but when u have some distance put between you and time, you start to realize that your perfect relationship isnt as great as you though..

  i had a bf before i started dating this guy, and while on vacation i got to see him, i never thought that i would have feelings for him again, since i had broken up with him because i wanted to be with my now ex.

  i found that i truely love my 1st bf and that the only reason i ever dated the 2nd guy was because i was lonely, my 1st bf lives in LA and im in monterey county, so i wanted someone close, but that didnt make me love him as much as i love my 1st bf...

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  Posted by RACHEL Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:08pm PST

  ...Togetherness to Aloneness?... Strange you should ask. 4 months shy of 3 years, I got fed up and so did he. I struggled with leaving but ended up being forced out (literally). At first, I was pissed bc I thought, "How dare he do this to ME." In retrospect, I'm glad he had the courage (or cowardice). Our life together had become like the lyrics of a song by Gladys Knight.. "Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye." We were just going through the motions for the last 3-5 months or so.

  In all sincerity, I still miss the good times. I'd love to say that I miss him but reality sets in and I realize that not only had I settled for someone who wasn't worthy of me, someone that didn't want/value the same things in life that I did, I'd made myself too available to him and compromised my hopes and dreams. While yes, there was some good; it didn't outweigh the bad. Even my tween kids warned me that he was bad for me. (Sad, but true.)

  When the lonliness creeps in and I feel tempted to call, email or text, I think of the nights I cried and didn't eat; the nasty note left on the dresser; the locks that were changed to kick me out of the house; the accusations; the pain of knowing that I gave my all (the best and the rest) to someone who didn't care one way or the other. While I was wasting time with him, there was a decent guy waiting to give me what I was wasting on an ingrate: unconditional love and undivided attention.

  Know your worth. The hurt goes away, I promise. Busy yourself and it ends sooner than later. Honestly, I found refuge on Facebook and in my church. The relationships that've been fostered are much more fulfilling and drama free.

  Good luck, Sparkle

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  Posted by ms.dayandnight Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:37pm PST

  I think that it takes you aback for a minute, but you shoould always LOVE yourself more than anything in this world could ever LOVE you that is what I do so when that dude or mother or whoever leave your life you can still live. Yes it hurt but look @ it as he did you a favor or the relationship because I am not sure why he dipped, and if you know the better if not then do not harp on it just look @ it as he is a coward, but if you have a reason learn from it do better next time because we have enough men to go around count the ones across seas as well. I think that you should take time out for you get to know your likes and dislikes and brush up on how to stay wise, patient and loving for yourself and next time. Pls do not take this baggage to your next relationship.

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  Posted by Steve Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:22am PST

  My wife & i split-up 2 months ago. I should say she walked out. The hurt & lonliness is still there & mixed emotions. In my head i know the relationship got to an unhealthy point but it's the way she left that's confusing. My heart misses the togetherness, & everything that comes with being together 4 9 year's. Adjusting is taking some time. I'm staying w/a friend & miss my own home, dog's, kid's, hers by the way, i raised from the ages of 2 & 9. Anyway, it's taking time but i know in the long run it's best this way. I just have to let logic outweigh a broken heart.

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  Posted by jaygirl Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:01am PST

  i think its hard regardless who walks away because i walked away because he betrayed me but i am so heartbroken i feel like im gonna be alone forever it truely sucks but i know that im a strong person and you are to you just got to dig deep and find that strength think about the positive things of bein single not the negative good luck

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