Mike Alvear wrote a two-part series recently on how to tell a man or a woman he or she is bad in bed. For dudes, he suggests they repeatedly ask their ladies what she likes in bed in hopes she’ll get the hint and ask what he likes. He also advises bringing up the conversation casually while ready the morning paper (but not in bed and definitely not just after sex), and telling a woman what you want more of and not less of. For women, he makes the same suggestions, but advises them to have their conversation side-by-side and not face-to-face since, he says, men are intimidated by eye contact. His advice is okay, but it’s a little passive-aggressive. I get that it’s a fine line to tip-toe, but with a gentle touch, a little constructive criticism never killed a guy. After the jump, five ways to let your guy know his “skills” leave a little to be desired.
1. Tell him what you like
Forget asking what he likes and hoping he gets the hint.
There’s time to focus on his needs later — right now you need to
let him know exactly what you like. Tell him when you’re
naked/in bed/making out, whatever. Telling him over breakfast and
the morning paper only makes it seem like you’ve been thinking
about it a lot and waiting for the perfect time to broach the
subject. Telling him when you’re gettin’ physical seems like a
natural extension of foreplay — a tamer kind of dirty talk. Saying:
“I really like having neck gently kissed and sucked on” while you
seductively run your forefinger along your throat down to your
collarbone is hot — how’s a guy gonna take offense to that?
2. Show him what you like
Whenever you’re able, give him a demonstration of what you like, by
either doing it to him or doing it to yourself while he watches.
Again, using the lesson as part of foreplay might get a guy worked
up, but only in the best possible way.
3. Use “instead of” when giving direction
If you hate the way he uses his tongue like a dagger in all the
wrong places, say: “Instead of making your tongue hard, try making
it soft when you kiss me there.” It’s not exactly the same as
saying, “Don’t kiss me like that,” but it has the same effect
without sounding as critical.
4. Frame it as a game with “let’s try”
Hate the way he jackhammers you? Say: “Let’s try slowing it down
this time — I want to see if it feels any different.” It’s like a
game, see? It’s not about what he’s doing wrong to you, it’s about
the two of you trying something different for the heck of it. Sure,
you already know it’s going to feel better, but for all he knows,
you’ll be making this crazy new discovery together for the first
time.
5. Give him a shout out
When he follows your directions, reward him with some verbal cues
for a job well-done. Moaning, “yes"ing, and even yelling his
name out are the perfect yellow star for your pupil. Now don’t
forget to ask what he wants…
By Wendy Atterberry at The Frisky
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