Most of us meet or have people in our lives that we just don’t get along with – or even can’t stand to have around. These people seem like huge obstacles to our happiness. I’ve found myself thinking things like, “What is his problem?” Or, “Doesn’t she get how rude she is?” Or, some thoughts that are too harsh to share. Sometimes these people are truly harmful to me and need to be avoided. Others may be my own personal gurus.
Often the people I have the most difficulty are my next teachers. They have something to show me that I need to learn. If I avoid these people they show up again and again until I get that I have to learn to accept them. Learning to accept them means I have to change something within myself.
For example, someone who moves slowly may be the person who teaches me patience. I was exposed to several of these “patience” teachers for years – until I finally learned to relax, breathe and even talk to them. Sometimes I still need reminder teachers, such as the slow driver in front of me this morning.
Other people are irritating because they exhibit a behavior that I don’t like in myself. I still squirm when I meet demanding people. I know I’m not like them. OK. I’m just like them in some ways. There I said it, Mom.
Here are 4 steps that you can use to work with difficult people in your life:
1. Determine if the person is a teacher or “trash” (not needed in your life). Avoid the trash and honor the teacher.
2. Look at what bothers you about the person and see if you have some similar characteristics that you are not happy about within you. Learn to accept them in yourself and the other person won’t bother you.
3. Honor your judgment. The assessment of the behavior may be accurate. Next, release the criticism of the behavior and see the person objectively. Once you do this you’ll be able to have compassion and work with him from another level of understanding. You’ll then be able to communicate with him better and work with him.
Sometimes I’m surrounded by people I love and enjoy. At other times I’m forced to spend time with someone who irritates me terribly. When I meet this person I internally thank him for the lesson I’m about to learn.