Life after the company Christmas party

<p>With two different holiday parties to attend this past weekend, I got to thinking about the party I wasn’t invited to this season.</p> <p>I was sacked the week before my company held their annual holiday soiree. To be honest, my days of delighting in corporate parties -- or embarrassing myself at them -- are behind me. There’s something about not remembering how I found my way home that I’ve outgrown. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be invited.</p> <p>It’s like being the kid in the class who didn’t get invited to the cool kid’s birthday party. Even if you didn’t especially like that cool kid, no way did you want to be the one left out.</p> <p>Everyone knows school is a powerful social setting for kids and teenagers. So is work for grown-ups. We might think we work for a paycheck, or to feel a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment, but how many of us talk about the people we work with as ranking high on our workplace checklist?</p> <p>Consider that the father of humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow, identified the need for belonging, friendship and intimacy as the third rung in his hierarchy of needs. It’s hard-wired into us. Combine this with the fact that we often spend more time with the people we work with than the people we live with – especially in an industry like mine in which 9 to 5 often meant 9 to ?</p> <p>It’s natural to form friendships in the workplace, and sometimes these even become intimate (which, if not handled, uh, well, can lead to job loss in a whole different way). But even casual connections that never go beyond the workplace, connections founded only on witty banter, schmoozing or mutual gripe sessions, provide a critical role in our need to engage and feel connected.</p> <p>So, when you’re suddenly spending your days at the kitchen table instead of at a desk, or in coffee shops rather than in meeting rooms, the world can seem a tad lonely.</p> <p>It takes time to adjust to losing the built-in camaraderie that the workplace brings. It doesn’t matter whether you worked in an office, on an assembly line, as part of a film crew or walking a postal route.</p> <p>I spent my first week of joblessness pretty much holed up, licking my wounds, alternating between bouts of tears, anger, job search or just zoning out in front of bad television. My vow to have a post-election CNN detox quickly evaporated. And I didn’t talk to too many people.</p> <p>Since then I’ve made it a point to reach out to my social network, the one that remains constant outside of work. I invited family over, I met friends for coffee. And even if I didn’t feel like it when the time came, I made myself follow through, invariably feeling better afterward.</p> <p>So why care about the company Christmas party? It’s like the quintessential scene of feeling like the outsider watching the family inside their warm cozy house, a picture of domestic warmth. You imagine all those former co-workers gathering and having the kind of fun you’re not.</p> <p>And then I remind myself, I didn’t really love the Christmas parties all that much. That chummy close feeling that comes when a large group of co-workers are given access to an open bar is quite possibly over-rated. But maybe I would just like an invitation, if for no other reason than to turn it down?</p> <p><strong><br> Getting out among the living</strong></p> <p><strong>Go to a coffee shop</strong>, take a newspaper, take your laptop, or just people-watch – just being around others can take the isolation edge off.</p> <p><strong>Call friends. </strong>There’s a tendency to isolate when we feel crummy – which we need to do to a certain extent — but then it’s also exactly the time to rely on your network. Tell them you could just use some company and make a time to get together. You’d be there for them.</p> <p><strong>Go to the library (yes, they still exist)</strong>. Serves the same function as a coffee shop, minus the coffee but plus computers for job searching with human energy around you.</p> <p><strong>Browse in a bookstore.</strong> When was the last time you read a book? Now you have the time. And you may even find inspiration on the self-help shelf. Or just pick up a magazine title you haven’t read for a while.</p> <p><strong>If you’re locked into a gym membership</strong>, make yourself go in the middle of the day, and enjoy not having to knock elbows at peak times. Find a yoga class at a local community center.</p> <p><strong>Talk to your children, read them an extra book, play another game</strong>. They’re good company, too, and as masters of living in the moment, have a way of breaking through our internal dialogue.</p> <p><strong>Take your dog for walks in a beautiful setting</strong>, or just yourself if you don’t have a canine friend. Your social interaction may be limited to smiling at people you pass, but it’s a great way to get in touch with the universe on a whole different level.</p> <p><strong>If you’re thinking of avoiding family gatherings at this time of year,</strong> think carefully about what you really want. Some families can certainly exacerbate bad feelings, so I would never suggest there’s one rule for all in this situation. But if your family is a supportive one, maybe take advantage of what they have to offer.</p><p><strong> p.s. If you have a story to share about being fired or laid-off, please share it at www.firedfornow.com<br> <br> I&#39;m now collecting layoff stories -- the horrible, the funny, the torturous, the generous. Check it out and please add yours!</strong></p><p></p>