Lonely Day

(I love this song by Phantom Planet. And I can easily relate to it)

Well I got my classes taken care of and I got to meet my new niece Baily. She's so cute and quiet, not like her sisters. Also I have finally come to terms with the fact that I just can't be bad. No matter how hard I try I can not be the bad boy. Maybe grey boy but not bad. I did something I have never done before. I dyed my hair. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but I grew up in a very strict household. And since I dyed it this dark red color I nearly gave my mother a heart attack.

So I went to Luna's apartment for her birthday. We had planned on having a Rocky Horror party but her roommates would not allow this. Some how they both got off of work and then decieded to invite some of their friends over. This would have been fine but they pretty much kicked us out of the apartment and did whatever the hell they wanted to do. So we went to Seth's instead. I got my hair dyed just before we left and it looked great. But when we got to Seth's house I started to have doubts. It didn't really look the same way as it did on the box. But I figured it would be fine. After the movie I took Luna home and went back to my place. I barely dodged my mom and I was able to escape to my room.
 
In the morning I got up to take a shower. After washing my hair I could see that this had been a mistake. The dark red that I actually liked had turned into a violet red...almost pink. So I kept washing my hair in hopes that it would get better. It didn't get better. It got worse. And of course my parents saw it when it was at its worst and Mom freaked. Dad didn't really care and he just went off to get some rest before work later that day. After taking a barrage of angry words from Mom I decieded to get the color stripped. Honestly it looked like crap anyway.

After this experience I probably will never dye my hair again. Right now its brown with some redish tints to it and that's all I ever wanted. It just was too much of a hassel to get it done. And then I realized after all this had happened that I suck at being rebelious. There was that time I tried to skip school and my mom caught me just as I walked out the building, or the time I tried to sneak out of the house and I twisted my ankle crawling out the window. The only time I ever got away with it was when I skipped football practices but karma owed me then, but I digress.

I can accept the fact that I'm bookwormish and that I don't like to party. I'm ok with the fact that I'm the nice friendly guy because in the end isn't that what girls want? Sure I'm not dangerous and I'm only moderately self destructive but who cares? I'm happy with just being myself. I only wish I had this revelation back when I was in high school.

Anyway on to the main topic. Lately I've been really down because school is going to be starting soon and everyone has plans or they're busy and I just feel lonely. And even when someone offers to hang out with me I really don't feel like it. Its a strange depression. I want to be with somebody but when someone actually does want to be with me I just say I have something else to do.

I guess I'm mostly bummed because I'm going to be moving and I'm going to be taking some serious classes as well as meeting new people and going through the pain staking process of making new friends. I know its silly but I don't like a lot of change. I mean when I started college two years ago it wasn't that much change. I was still living at home, most of my friends were there with me, and my favorite teacher worked at the college too. It felt the same. Now I'm moving to a town I've been to three times, to a school thats far away from everything, only the crazy people are coming with me and I only know one professor and he kind of gives me bad vibes.

That and I'm still single after all theses years. I don't know. When I get depressed all the bad stuff settles in and thats all I focus on. By tomorrow I'll be back to normal...well...normal for me. And there's some good stuff to look forward to right? No family members harassing me, new experiences, living in a place thats almost my own, finding out what I want to do with my life, maybe getting a girlfriend. So it probably won't be so bad.

Well I feel better now that I've written something.

Floating,

Icarus