Mama Drama: It's my Kryptonite

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My preschooler has been having a bit of what I call “Mama Drama” lately, usually right before bed (when she knows I have to log on and work from home once she’s asleep) or when I drop her off at school (when she knows I’m leaving so I can go to the office). It starts with a long sad look, shoulders drooping, glancing sideways to see if I’ve noticed. If I seem not to have, she adds a snuffle and a sniffle, sometimes wiping her (dry) eyes for dramatic effect.

You know the effect Kryptonite had on Superman? Well, for this SuperMom, Mama Drama does the same thing. It kills me.

If I don’t seem sufficiently killed, though, she takes it to the next level: lip trembles, sniffles increase, and her huge brown eyes overflow while she looks like she’s heroically trying to hold back the tears. And then she starts explaining it all away — “I’m just tired,” “I feel shy,” “I was afraid you were going away.” At this point, my Fortress of Solitude is wrecked and I just want to fall apart myself, even though she doesn’t know it.

Today, it started at school, while I was taking my toddler to his daycare classroom in the same building. She came over to the door between the two classrooms, and I must not have been paying attention, what with holding a squirming 19-month-old on my hip and trying to talk to the teachers and put everything in his cubby and all, because she was already at the tears-welling-over stage and was moving into the full-on Mama Drama stage: the explanations.

“Mama?” she quavered. “I just feel too shy for school today.”

I wanted to tell her to buck up; she loves school! She loves her friends! She adores her teachers! We do the same drop-off five days a week and she’s always been fine with it! I can understand not wanting to go to bed but, hey, come on, this here place is fun!

I handed my toddler off to his teacher and turned to my little girl, but one of her teachers had gotten to her first. As I was about to explain that this was just Mama Drama — she’s fine, she’s not sick, she slept well, she scarfed down her breakfast, blah blah blah — he knelt down and looked her in the eye and gently asked her what was wrong.

“I’m just… shy… today,” she sobbed, turning away from me. I could have left then, I suppose, since she wasn’t focused on me anymore, but I was too busy being killed.

“But you were a little shy yesterday, right? And you got better, right?” he asked her, voice all soothing and rational, speaking quietly so she had to stop crying in order to hear him. My quip about Mama Drama got stuck in my throat.

“Right?” he asked again. She agreed.

“So you’ll be all better today too, right?”

She agreed again. And gave him a hug and skipped off to play.

He got up, winked at me, and went back to the kids in his classroom. And I left for work, feeling like the least patient, least compassionate, worst mother in the world, but grateful that she has such caring, calm, and kind teachers (who, thankfully, are immune to Kryptonite).

Lylah is a full-time editor, a freelance writer, and mom and step mom to five kids. She writes about juggling career and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day on Work It, Mom!, and blogs about writing at Write. Edit. Repeat.

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Comments 1-10 of 11
  • Mysterious Gryphon's Avatar
    Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:32am PDT

    Wouldn't it be easier to stay with your toddler and give her compassion and love from her mom, rather than drop her off with a stranger?

    Try being a Stay at Home Mom.

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  • ambi's Avatar
    Posted by ambi Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:42am PDT

    Hey emily jane, how about you try staying out of other people's business. Looks, like your hanging out with your kids alot between posting on here and telling other people what they need to do.

    Report Abuse
  • Billie's Avatar
    Posted by Billie Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:57am PDT

    She was dropping her daughter off at school. At that point it doesn't matter if you stay home or not...

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  • Jrabbit's Avatar
    Posted by Jrabbit Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:02am PDT

    wow such compassion here today. We all have had those times with our children when they are just not feeling their best don't we all have those? We may not feel like going to work but we have to. We need to teach our kids that some times(not all the time) we have to do things that we do not feel like doing.

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  • Lylah M. Alphonse's Avatar
    Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:40am PDT

    Thanks for the comments.

    Emily Jame K: My family lives on my income, so being a stay-at-home mom isn't an option. Unless you're willing to pay my salary and/or my bills? Thanks for your opinion, though!

    Ambi: Thank you for the support, and for leaving a comment!

    Billie: Good point... my daughter is in preschool, so the above would have happened whether I was a SAHM or not. I often wonder about how the "drop her off with a stranger" debate plays out when one is talking about older kids. If having (qualified, certified, experienced) "strangers" teach your kids is such a bad thing, why don't more people homeschool?

    Jrabbit: Thank you for your support, and for making a great point about teaching kids that we all have to do things we don't always feel like doing...

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  • Love Sponge's Avatar
    Posted by Love Sponge Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:46am PDT

    my son does the same thing with the dry tears, however, tough love and reassurance will let her know that she will be okay when she gets dropped or when its time for bed. eventually she will become independent and will be happy to be dropped off at school when she meets some new friends!

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  • Crystal's Avatar
    Posted by Crystal Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:37pm PDT

    Emily Jane, If I read your blog correctly, you do not even have children.

    Try being a parent.

    And just to avoid the argument, I'm a teacher too. It is nowhere near the same thing as being a parent.

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  • Hip_M0M's Avatar
    Posted by Hip_M0M Fri Aug 1, 2008 3:45pm PDT

    I've had several of those nights and mornings in my career as a working mom.

    My son has been in "school" full-time (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) since he was 18 months old. The educators in his life loved him and never once made me feel like I was dropping him off to strangers.

    He's grown into a very independent young man who is well-balanced and very well-behaved.

    Kudos to you, Lylah for holding your head up high with your choice of words in your responses. I don't know if I could've been so kind.

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Sun Sep 7, 2008 10:07pm PDT

    Mysterious Gryphon, we don't all have that option. Why don't you try to be less judgmental?

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  • momo's Avatar
    Posted by momo Tue Sep 30, 2008 5:42pm PDT

    When my son was 2 he used to cry when I dropped him off at daycare (yes, I had to work - don't judge). The teachers were wise to all the kids, and when one of them would make a scene, the parent would leave, and the teacher would open the blinds (unbeknownst to the child) and we would peek into the window see ours kids do a complete about face, happily greeting their little friends, and we could leave fully comfident that our kids were happy. It is always good to have a daycare/nursery school where the teachers are as considerate to the parents as they are to the child.

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Comments 1-10 of 11

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