Nothing like Vegas to make you feel insecure when your boobs are nonexistent

We ended up wasting time at Cleveland Hopkins airport for FOUR hours last Thursday, needless to say, it was a painful wait (delays, schmalays). At least we were able to hook up to our wireless plan. So what do you do, bored, at Hopkins? Why go to Oprah.com  of course! I'm reading Eckhart anyway, so why not use the time to try and become more "PRESENT"...except I didn't want to be "PRESENT" there, I wanted to be "PRESENT" in Vegas....

So we finally made there, and it was a freakin' project to get the rental.

The car rentals is in a whole other building about 10 minutes away. We got cattled into a shuttle, (yew) after waiting 45 minutes just to fill out the damn paperwork and haggle with the guy that we did not want to buy full coverage insurance....


Next morning, we were at the pool, 99 degrees and no laundry, work, grad school, or doggie to walk. B-Liss. I made a good dent in Janet Evanovich's  "12 Sharp" which my sister Justine gave me last year, but am only just now finding the time to read it. Oh I missed Lula. I think Joe Morelli should be played by Matthew McConoughy if they dye his hair black and he lost the accent a bit....Oh sorry, back to V. (But if you like to laugh please check out her books!)

We went to a couple of buffets, Hubby sat at a couple of blackjack tables....we hit the Premium Outlets 10 minutes north off of I-15, fabulous deals at French Connection and Banana....and Gap, and Lacoste, and Nike...Nighttime brought us to House of Blues at Mandalay Bay. So anyway, the b---- at House of Blues said there was an hour wait, and there really wasn't. But once we got food, it was great. The waiter kissed our ass, he knew, that we knew they they had lied to us about the wait....

Saturday,  more Stephanie and Lula adventures by the pool.

And Smirnoffs.

5 of them.

Had to sneak in an empty water bottle and pour them in since glass isn't allowed - whatever. So I had to consume them rather quickly as it was over 100 degrees and I don't think Smirnoff tastes good hot (but that could be an experiment for another day.)

We were being entertained by a family of British kids playing in the pool as we secretly drank our prohibited beverages. We were trying to figure out what the hell they were saying....a fun game if you've had a couple.... The saddest thing though. The Amercan kids - fat as hogs. Most American kids were fat in Vegas (yes, we noticed), how said is that?

We ended up at Spago's  in Caesar's listening to the couple next to us having a fight, the girl was crying the whole time and doing a TERRIBLE job at trying to hide it. Hubby and I were desperately trying to figure out what they were fighting about. In between our normal conversation and trying to hold back laughter at the scene, we'd give each other the look that said "what did they say" , then do a silent crack up ( you know, the one where it sounds like you're hocking a loogy?). Apparenlty, It was something about there being "double standards..." (wipe tears), "I don't know what I'm doing wrong (wipe more tears)"....

Later that afternoon I was determined to spend the economic stimulus check, ironically I spent it at a French store, Longchamp.  :-) Take that Bushie.

The shopgirl who sold me the purse was from Cleveland, she was wondering why someone was wearing a Browns shirt (Hubby). She was like, "nobody likes the Browns, they must be from Cleveland." Turns out her family owns the Hanna restaurant downtown Cleveland. Small world.

We headed for a buffet for dinner at the Paris since we were going to indulge in some heavy drinking later on. Hubby hit the tables for some blackjack. I walked into a candle shop and admired a gay couple who looked like they were so in love. The one guy picked up a candle, sniffed it, and then held it out for his beloved to partake in the the sniff as well. They both nodded. ....at the wine shop, a Puerto Rican lady didn't even notice that I walked in. She was pissed that she was working again and she was letting the person at the other end of the phone know about it in her Puerto Rican Spanish....I was going to buy this cool wine magnet, but I really didn't want to make her night any harder than it has to be.

We lost track of time and we had to be at the Venetian before midnight, it was 11:20 p.m. on a Saturday night in Las Vegas - you know what that means. Traffic jam from Hell on The Strip. Honking. Yelling. Car exhaust. Brakes screeching. 96 degrees.

So we hightailed it in a taxi from Paris to Venetian and made it there with 10 min. to spare.

Everybody walking into the hotel was dressed to kill.

Every girl and guy walking by, trying to look hotter than the last...nothing like Vegas to make one feel insecure when your boobs are non-existent...

Why did I pick Tao Nightclub ? Because everything I read , this is where the celebs hang out, so I was curious....Lindsay, Nick, Nicole...Up the escalators, it was mayhem. Music energy was rolling out of the club, infecting anyone who could hear it. At least 300-400 anxious-looking people snaked around in lines waiting to get in.

We walked right up to the front of the line, flashed the bouncer my pass, and he unclicked the rope to pull it back and let us through, yay!

We got some NASTY looks from chicks with bigger boobs at the front of the line. Nothing like Showing up right before midnight and look like VIP's and piss people off;-)

Inside there was female persuasion nakedness in tubs filled with rose petals as you walked in, (Hubby's trying not to look...). The restaurant was downstairs, and blaring sweet house music. It was Grey Goose and cranberry for me the rest of the night. $15 a drink (be warned, I am pretty sure they water down their drinks - take it from me an experienced Goose drinker).

Upstairs was the club, there were so many rooms I lost count. We went upstairs another level to TAO Beach, they don't allow glass, so everybody had to dump their drinks into plastic TAO cups (I'm a souvenir w---- so the cup is now in my dishwasher). We got to the top and Hubby and I were speech less. The best we could muster was "wow" with mouths open.

A beautiful pool, a couple of hundred people, it's so crowded you can't move, music cranked, beach couches with bottles and bottles and bottles of Grey Goose on every table.

One thing we did notice: I have never seen so many Asians in my life. Then again, the place is called Tao, duh.

The song with the "boots with da fur" song came on and place lost it. (yeah, yeah I used to hate that song too, but it kinda grows on you. And when iTunes in England has it as their #1 ringtone download, well, there must be something to it I guess....plus Ellen was dancing to it on her show a few weeks back...)

We weasled our way to dance, some of the beats:
Sean Paul - We be burnin'
Jay-Z - Big Pimpin'
Mary J. Blige - Just Right
Ludacris - Southern Hospitality
Timbaland - Just the way you are
Nelly Furtado - Say it right
Justin Timberlake - Rock your body
Missy Elliot - Lose Control

It's one thing to hear these on the radio, it's another to hear it like this, at a completely different level. My iPod has a new playlist :-)

I was actually hoping for house music that night, but even if you hate hip-hop and rap, you couldn't help but get into the party there that night.

Personally, I'm a David Guetta fan (FMIF), Moloko, Sophie Ellis Bextor, and that general musical direction. Living in Cleveland for six years, you warm up to "blazin' hip-hop"...

Sunday, I was hung over and could barely walk after grinding in four inch Aldo's all night, but we got up to go watch the Cavaliers at the Luxor sports book.

It was sad to watch the four sole Celtics fans cheering (Siddown!), but a Heineken in my hand fixed that and LeBron still kicks ass anyway. So There.