Usually I attempt to avoid the whole nostalgia
thing. Personally, I don't adapt to change very easily, and I
know I'm a creature of habit. I don't enjoy change. I
really do not. Sometimes I can get annoying when I say things like
"In high school I did this..." or "When I lived
here, I was..." I couldn't avoid dwelling on the past even
if I tried. Except now, I finally found a solid reason on why I
should move away from the past.
Last night I hung out with an old friend from high school.
We've had 1 roller coaster relationship. We've loved,
hated, been ok, ignored, been best friends to, and been jerks to
each other. We both have gone separate directions. Anyways, we were
both texting other people and I could tell my company was to be
very temporary. We had a good conversation for a while, but it was
cut short. Even if it wasn't his intention to make me feel that
way, I felt it anyway. So I left, and I kept wondering, "does
he not want to be close anymore?" and "well, maybe he has
better things to do..."
Then today, I was talking to Cici and she said, "I really
don't understand why you hang out with people if you get pissed
off at them." It sounds so simple, it sounds like a great
solution, to just evade all of the troubles that would get in my
way. But as I said before, I live in the past a lot. That's
when I realized I try way too hard for friendships that were shared
in the past, I try to accept my past accomplishments as enough for
the future, I try to stay the same person because I've adapted
and grown to love that one person. I complain about regrets that I
obviously can't change, and I hardly ever want anything new and
drastic to happen to me. Hell, I even stayed unhappy in a
relationship just because I didn't want a big change.
We all have chapters of our life. There's childhood, those
horrendous preteen years, the fun high school teenage life, the
wild young adult life, and then the time when you finally settle
down. Through all of those different times, when we finally
settle.. there's only 1 person (well, in my preference) to fall
in true love with, family, and the people who chose to stick by you
through it all or parts of it all. You meet people while you're
on your own journey of growing up. You gain friends and you lose
some, you date some winners and you find some total losers. You act
a certain way or wear different clothes depending on what chapter
you fall in. Everyone has their own life (at least I'd hope so)
and their own personal story. I mean, that's the only way you
can meet your best friends or whatever people you choose to date.
I've tried so hard to hold onto old friends, to keep peace with
people who I should not even care about, and to maintain the same
idealistic person I thought I was.
So what's the point to all of my rambling here? It's pretty
much that I need to embrace change and just accept life as it
happens. I highly doubt most people choose to live the way I do,
especially at this age. Which is probably the reason why some old
friends stopped responding and caring. They're going through a
constant change and just because I was there for them during some
chapter of life, doesn't necessarily mean I'll make it to
their future. I am tired of trying for something that's so out
of my hands, and I'm just ready to meet new people and gain a
new personality to fit the new chapter of life I'm falling
into.
So, to my "old friend" ...thank you for helping me
realize why our relationship has so drastically changed from the
time it actually began. To any other old friends, there's
nothing personal against the people I've fallen out of touch
with. I gave an effort, and I can't have a friendship with just
me working for it. I know I'm not the most important person, so
it's kind of expected to drift and fall. To the people who are
currently in my life and to anyone else who has even been a part of
it, I still keep fond memories, so it's not like I'm
attempting to write certain people off. To anyone in my future,
I'm ready to meet you when the time is right and to the select
ones that will make it through with me, I couldn't ask for
more.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
People, they come & go.
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Posted by Sun Nov 8, 2009 9:29pm PST
Report Abusethat last sentence sounds like a solution to your problems with flaky people!
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