If you are a Step Parent, A Divorced or Single Parent,
take a good look at your Child. Take an honest look. Take
your EGO out of it and just look at your Child or Step Child..Is
their behavior descriptiveness, angry, disrespect? Are they failing
in school? Hanging out with the wrong crowd? Gaining weight,
controlling, violent? Has their life style changed as in a divorce,
parent remarried or has died? Are you asking them to adjust into an
environment that they did not ask for or want?
Do you have a new "Mate" and can't figure out why the
Children react as they do? Has there birth order been changed due
to the blending of a new family? Is your Mate not supportive of you
and all that you are doing for your Step Child? Does your Step
Child see the way your Mate (the biological parent) responds to you
and your needs? Is your Step Child's bad behavior influencing
the other members in your household?
Problems such as these will not only break your Family apart but it
WILL break a Child. I don't care how young or old the Child is.
(Step Children who are adults have other issues). More than 80 per
cent of Families have at least 3 of the above symptoms. Some can be
blamed on the age of adjustment that age alone consistences of.
Most however are issues that are in the for-front of family
dynamics. When these issues are blown off by Parents or Step
Parents, when blame is cast instead of solutions, when walking away
is easier than the path of a positive resolution is where we fail
not only ourselves but our Children and Step Children. And what
happens to us as adults when we have issues that are life changing
and no positive resolutions are found? Where do we go as Adults?
Friends, lawyers,family? Sometimes even when we have support, it is
difficult for us as Adults to articulate what we are feeling. So
what does a Kid do? Is anyone listening?
If issues are not dealt with Children, can you guess what life
choices they will make? Will they emulate yours or the biological
parents method for dealing with life? And by that time will the
Child have lost their self respect, self worth, their pride in
themselves and for their positive accomplishments? Will they have
the skills to break the chain of handling life's bumps the way
their parents and Step Parents did? Will they have little or no
value in family, their own children, or even their own
life?
Talk to me....talk to your Mate...talk to the Children...just take
a deep breath and talk. The Step Children are being LOST! Together,
let's find away to bring them back.. No blame as to why it
happened. This is a new Day, a new Dawn! You know what is real
right now. You know how things go this far. Let us fins a new
direction for a healthy family unit. Only you can take the first
step! Be STRONG! BE PROUD! BE A STEP PARENT OR PARENT THAT WHO
GIVES A DAMM!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
STEP CHILDREN: WHY ARE THEY BECOMING THE NATIONS NUMBER ONE LOST BREED?
user
- Let’s talk: Comment (7) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
Syndication:
From the Community…
Comments 1-7 of 7
-
Posted by Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:57am PDT
Report AbuseEasier said then done. I am a step-parent that cares, but the biological parents don't care. So it's a battle I am just not willing to fight anymore.
-
-
Posted by Wed Oct 14, 2009 4:46pm PDT
Report AbuseThe biggest problem is that step-parents come in and start acting like a parent. They think they are owed respect but the thing is they aren't the kids parent.This is okay when children are young (7-) but when a child is 7+ (depending on each individual child sometimes it can happen even earlier in life) they don't want to be treat like YOUR child. Their mentality is "I may be your step child but I have a mom and a dad" (assuming it's that kind of case if the kids parent is dead then they think you can't replace them and they don't want you to try).
I say if their little kids yeah treat them like your own and your in charge. But if it's an older child it isn't right to just expect them to be all like "oh you married my mom/dad so of course you can treat me like your child." Generally they want to be treated like A child not YOUR child. This may be hard to do but consider where they're coming from. You weren't even in their lives for most of it and now you want to be the boss. Even a good child will (most of the time there are a few families that blend well) fight it if you suddenly take over their life. Even more so if they're tweeners.
-
Posted by Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:27am PDT
Report AbuseHi YogurtLover,
I read your post. WOW! May I comment on a few things? First I want to tell you that you are a very loving person..maybe too loving. You have seem to put yourself last in your own life. Love is a wonderful thing but it shouldn't be at your own expense. It is a fine line as a Step Mom to provide nurturing for your Step Kids and being taken advantage of by your Mate. He has put you and his own children on the back burner while he proceeds with his own life. I know you love him but at what expense? Sometimes in life the thing that we must do for our own survival and what the popular path is, is not an easy decision to make. Ask yourself a few heartfelt questions...Do you feel he respects what YOU want out of life? Does he support your wants and needs? Is he fully involved in his own children life such as discipline, school work, house rules, how others speak to you, (his ex and her family members)? Are you both a "team" when it comes to give and take in the dynamics of your home? His he considerate and appreciative of all you do for him and the Children? Or have you become his convenience to clean His house, watch his Kids, wash his clothes and cook for them? Is it easier for him to complain about the Children and their behavior and blame you for it? Can you talk to him about your emotions and respect them with a follow through or do you still feel "empty" when the talk is done? Are the Children acting out because of the way they see how He treats you and how he doesn't take action to solve a problem? Now ask yourself...without anger...being calm...is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Only you have the answers. If you need to talk more, please feel free to respond. I wish you success.
-
Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:08pm PDT
Report AbuseOkay well I am 20 years old. My fiance and I have a daughter together and he has a son from a previous relationship. I feel as though his parents ignore all the problems, think their son is a God, and baby him. If he loses his d.s. or games, he gets new ones. He is 8 and talks like a baby. He can't speak up for himself. He's constantly saying "I wish my mommy and daddy were together." He refuses to listen to me. He knows how to manipulate us and get what he wants. He says everything I cook is disgusting because he only wants mcdonalds. And my fiance acts like I'm the bad guy, tells me I'm petty and never makes his son listen, respect me or anything inbetween. It is a constant battle. I'm not trying to be mean to the kid but it's been three years and I just can't take it any longer.. If this kid wants candy at 7am, he gets it. He throws fits. And I mean he's a quiet, respectful child, or so it seems. But I see the manipulation and tests and the way he plays his dad and I against eachother. I just don't know what to do.. I mean.. I refuse to answer to a 7 year old. And I also refuse to allow my daughter to be raised like that. I just want the kid to know right from wrong, and that he needs to be appreciative and thankful and that he should earn his toys, candy and not just be handed them. I feel horrible because now I think I have a hatred towards this kid and I feel like such a terrible person but I know I'm right.
-
Posted by Wed Oct 21, 2009 1:35pm PDT
Report AbuseIt sounds as if you have more problems than your Step Son. Your relationship with your Mate is reflecting on your Step Son. He is picking up the way your Mate handles the family dynamics within your household, You are RIGHT. And may I also say that if problems are not resolved now your Step will be among the "The Lost Breed" If you would like more incite please feel free to e-mail me at Dawnrubinclc@yahoo.. This is exactly what my post is addressing.
Thank you for responding.
-
Posted by Sat Oct 24, 2009 10:24pm PDT
Report AbuseI divorced five years ago, have three boys from my ex, and have met a wonderful man and have a son with him. To gether for almost three years now, and we always have issues with the kids, he only has one child(our child) and we all live together and strugle to make it work. It is hardest for my oldest. It helps that step dad and he have time together and can find common ground, nut I think our biggest issue is fairness. I am the root of the problem, trying to stop a potential issue before it crops up, and in turn, alienate my hubby. But we are starting to get it, and he does love my (our) kids. He tells everyone that he sees that they are all his, so yeah, it's hard but learning to compermise is key.
Comments 1-7 of 7
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment