This is pretty much one of the first times Ive every written a
blog...well actually the second because I just wrote one a little
earlier this evening for one of those parenting communities like
myspace and facebook! And I have to admit that, this particular
site is the main reason in which I chose to speak out once again to
all of you. However this one tonight is pretty much for my
ladies because I'm getting tired of some of these women
for creating families and not doing their necessary job as a mother
and a wife. Once you take on one of those titles your duties never
cease. And not just physically...but mentally and emotionally as
well. Now Im not saying that i'm better than anyone out there!
I'm just simply saying that I handle things a lot differently
than most of you. And yes...I'm very proud to say so.Now we can
argue back and forth all night about which traits or
characteristics all of us are lacking vs. the other but that was
not my intention of this blog in the first place.
I, like many of you out there is, a mother and a wife...a wife of
8+ years with two beautiful healthy boys ages 6 and 4.
Unfortunately within the next couple of months I will be a big part
of what I feel is wrong with relationships and building healthy
relationships,but yes i will no longer be someones wife but
someones EX-WIFE! And I can honestly say than if I wasnt the person
that I am and pretty much always have been...I'd be in very bad
shape!! I am a wonderful mother in spite of what anyone could ever
think about saying. And even then thats all it would be....WORDS!
And I share the same attitude when it comes to my being a wife
because I take care of what I need to. Not just the basic means of
an everyday marriage but I mean I uphold my end of the bargain when
it comes to the "FOR BETTER OR WORST" or any other vow
you would like to throw in my direction. Now, me as an everyday
woman??? have made mistakes and will continue to make them untill
the day that I die. I just refuse to keep making the exact same
ones day in and day out! I never thought I would get married to
turn back around and be divorce not even ten years later.....but I
guess its true when they say the sooner the better. I'm fully
aware that I am only 29 and have many years left to get my life
going back into the direction I am determined for it to go.
Within the 8 years that I've been married, I have never been
untrue when it came to this marriage or my family. I always worked
hard to make sure that I took part in the building of this
foundation...however I know many of you are saying "well...if
thats the truth why are you getting a divorce?" And the honest
to god truth is just as simple as this-"All good things
eventually come to an end!!" huh!...let me tell you...the good
times are gone when it comes to him and I. (lol) I have known him
since I was 13 years old so Im hoping that not just for the sake of
the kids, but for the sake of what him and I once had, he will
embrace the friendship that we (shouldve had a long time ago)
Mr. and I are complete and total opposites of each other and faced
more challenges than I think either one of us ever thought we would
endure. Unfortunately,in the past couple of years we had lost two
of the most important components of a marriage and disappointingly
today, can not recover those precious gifts that we were both
given. Upon getting married you will hear many older people say to
you that Trust AND Communication are mandatory if you plan to on
building a lasting marriage. And I never knew how true that
statement was untill I felt something that I have never really felt
before. All throughout my life I have been told that I
should've possible been born a boy because of my attitude and
my nonchalant ways and for the most part I would have to say that I
agree with them. Me scare easy? Never that...no one can run me off!
I will leave when I damn well please ya know! (lol) But this
particular person has scared me in one of the worst ways possible
because I allowed the person that he is to remove me from my
standards and out of my complete and total element in which I stand
for. And that should never happen. See...we women have a way of
saying that we know what we want and yada yada yada...when really
you dont know what you want untill you have gone through a few
trials and tribulations within your lifetime. And when you go
through enough of them you will surely find out EXACTLY what it is
that you want and how you are going to go about getting it.
And Let me also say that its not just the male situation that gets
us all bottled up and tripping! Many of you would like to say that
it is but I beg to differ! One reason I can walk away from this
marriage with my head held high is because I broke my self down
with every situation that I needed to be brought down. Even if the
other person wasnt aware of what was going on in my mind I had to
fix some of my own dirty laundry before I could write a book about
someone elses. I know that very,very many of you are entirely more
emotional than I am when it comes to this area of life but I dont
feel that I have time to sit and be miserable yet pitty myself
because a change of plans has occured. For me this is life and out
of every good thing comes something bad! Thankfully him and I
seperating is the only bad thing that did come out of this marriage
because I was blessed to be given my boys for whom I live and
breathe for everyday! It would be bad if I had never had my boys
because I just can not imagine life without either one of them! But
hey..."He Just Wasnt That Into Me"(lol) He was more
intrigued by other women with fancy cars and a lot of money and
oh..not to mention...NO BAD CREDIT (lol..credit that only became
bad because I had to take care of the four of us by myself for the
first 6 years of our marriage) but...ANYWHO! I dont expect praise
for that because I did what I was supposed to do. Because he
was my husband,then the father of my children and no matter how
late in the game he was with a job, he was always meant to be every
strong pillar I needed to keep our foundation together. Some things
just dont work out as planned and just because you love someone it
doesnt mean that you are supposed to be with that person. I learned
that back in my late teenage years and thankfully I became aware
because this trial and tribulation that I am going through at the
present time is much...much,much,much,much much easier to get
through knowing that I can love him from afar even if the feeling
isnt mutual. I definitely wasnt perfect! Though I made every
attempt to change my situation and own personal issues to make
things better but if its only one of you working on it, THE
RELATIONSHIP WILL FAIL!!
Basically the point Im trying to get accross to some of you is that
you dont have to be dependent on a man or significant other in
order to find peace and happiness within yourself. YOU AND YOU
ONLY!! Are responsible for your happiness. Your spouse or
kids or materialistic items are only to increase the happiness in
which YOU allow yourself to feel and live...every single day of
your life. And not only that...no matter what anyone thinks about
you be sure to stay honest with your actions and words.If you cant
check you for being inconsiderate,or disrespectful or just for
doing something childish.... stuff out of spite,retaliation or
plain immaturity... you will never be happy because you will end up
alone with no man and no friends due to your pride or for a bad
case of denial you refused to believe you had/have. Quit blaming
other people for your mistakes or for things that you have allowed
them to do to you continuously. If you WANT MORE you will HAVE
MORE...its not just going to come to you. You have to be willing to
put forth every ounce of energy and every second of the day into
staying true to yourself as well as your husband and or kids. If
it's love...you shouldnt have to work that hard...because the
work comes so easy for you!
All I have left to say is...Ladies...stay true to yourself and
always keep the upper hand by being YOU and sticking to your
standards and beliefs that inspire you to be a good person. Believe
me, it pays off in the end. You will actually feel relieved when or
if a situation as this occurs because you will know with every
ounce of your being, that you were a hell of a partner and that you
are strong and MORE than capable of getting what it is you feel you
deserve out of life! I know I will!
YOU CHOOSE THE WOMAN YOU ARE!!
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