The author and his autistic son would love to come to your kid's birthday, thanks. Here's how to make everyone feel right at home.
By Paul Collins
Our friends' birthday party for their daughter Zoë was going wonderfully. The cupcakes were out, dogs romped in the yard, and all the children were blowing bubbles around the abstract bronze sculptures in the garden. All of them, that is, except my son Morgan. He'd retreated to their attic office.
"It's okay," my wife, Jennifer, explained after she came back down. "He's on Amazon, looking at guitars."
Our host took it in stride—she knows Morgan's autistic. These days, that term pops up across a whole spectrum of kids, from a bit geeky to profoundly withdrawn. Morgan, 10, has the classic midspectrum symptoms: He makes little eye contact, repeats phrases, sticks to yes-and-no answers, and is just generally in his own world. He can repeat every Gibson guitar model number but can't tell you what city he lives in. His special-ed classmates with related conditions like Asperger's syndrome can be too conversational—they'll lecture you for an hour on dinosaurs—but they share the same lifelong neurological difficulty in grasping social interaction.
Related: Understanding the Autism and Vaccines Debate
Since autism is by definition a socially awkward condition, how do you square it with that most social of activities, a kid's birthday party? As diagnoses rise—the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention now estimate 1 in 150 eight-year-olds nationwide—it's increasingly likely that your guest list will include an autistic child. Inviting us to a birthday (or any gathering) takes some extra insight and the tiniest bit of planning. But we'll thank you for it—and so will our kids, in their own way.
Our RSVP: "Yes, please."
Birthday parties are an ideal way to introduce an autistic kid and his parents to your home. A child like Morgan doesn't necessarily understand social calls or more elaborate outings, but playdates and birthday parties are things families like ours cherish. They're the stuff he finds logical: presents, cake, things to climb on. What's not to get?
Pardon our picky eater.
Autistic eating habits aren't exactly a food pyramid; they're more like a food obelisk. (Our obelisk is made of peanut butter.) Some autistic kids also have digestive difficulties that require dairy- or gluten-free diets, so ask if your guest has any favored foods. Don't worry; the parents probably won't take you up on it. And no one will expect you to whip up a gluten-free cake. But they might want to bring some treats themselves, so don't take single-serving Tupperware as an affront.
Put away the Fabergé eggs.
Autistic children have little concept of "don't touch." But they don't always beeline for the breakables. In fact, they may discover some unlikely sources of joy in your home: Morgan considers a refrigerator's in-door ice maker, for instance, to be one of humanity's great achievements.
Get 7 more tips on hosting autistic children.
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