5 Reasons I spy on my kid (and you should too)

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  Posted by Elana Fri Aug 7, 2009 10:06am PDT

  I think that possibly spying on your child is the worst idea ever. Maybe as a parent you could sit down and talk to her about the dangers of the internet. Spare no details. Let her know the risks that accompany being online. But I promise you that the minute you start looking for something she'll start hiding it. She will wonder why you're going out of your way to find something she shouldn't be doing and it will make her start hiding not only online things, but other things as well from you. My parents taught me very early about the dangers of being online, but never went through my e-mails. The fact that you're invaiding her privacy will make her think that there are things to hide. Why not start young with an open relationship that relies on talking openly, not snooping?

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  Posted by Michelle Fri Aug 7, 2009 10:32am PDT

  Outstanding!! "my no. 1 job is her safety and that I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe." Thank you for reinforcing this. We are not our children's friends! We are their parents. While they are growing up, that is our job. When our children are grown up, that is the time to nurture friendship as well as a parental relationship. Great post!

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  Posted by Ashley Fri Aug 7, 2009 11:27am PDT

  my parents do dat and TRUST ME I HIDE things from dem

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  Posted by BSFreeMama Fri Aug 7, 2009 11:36am PDT

  Michelle,

  I totally agree with you :)

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  Posted by Kristina Fri Aug 7, 2009 11:44am PDT

  I have an 11 yr old, I only allow her to use the computer for school work or an occasional game. She does not need an email address she is 11. If someone wants to send her a letter they can do it by mail. She is only allowed to use our home phone 2xs a day during the school season for 10 minutes at a time. She needs to focus on intelligence not socialism. They do not watch television during the school year read a book instead.

  If there is nothing for her to hide than she should not mind that you are checking to see where she has been. From the sound of it you need to down her computer time any way she is only 11. This is time that you could be spending together.

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  Posted by Meli Fri Aug 7, 2009 11:59am PDT

  My daughter is 13 and I don't look through her emails or texts. I'm her friend on MySpace and we IM and text eachother all the time. We talk about pretty much everything. I know she doesn't tell me EVERYTHING, I mean she's 13 years old. Kids that age will never be 100% honest with their parents but I trust her and I know what she's doing and who she's talking to. She doesn't censor her comments on MySpace either. I read what she writes to her friends and they curse but I can't reprimand her for that because if I do, she will just hide it from me anyway.

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  Posted by Ericka Fri Aug 7, 2009 12:05pm PDT

  10 minutes a day really? And she's 11.

  Just to warn you, if you keep having so many restrictions on her and not giving her as much freedom, once she gets a little of it, she's going to go wild with it.

  Parents, WAKE UP!!! kids aren't stupid! They'll find a way to do what they want, wnen they want.

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  Posted by Ashley Fri Aug 7, 2009 12:24pm PDT

  This is going to backfire on you so bad. You are not teaching your daughter anything except HOW TO LIE. "Under my roof" is just a senority complex parents have. By making her feel inferior to you and robbing her of her privacy is only going to make her hate you. It's also going to actually exasterbate exactly what you don't want to happen. If you think reading her emails and ims is going to keep you "in the loop," you're wrong. She is just going to make sure she hides it. The worse part is she probably isn't doing anything you need to be reading about anyway. The best thing you can do to get her respect is give her respect. I promise it will work. I agree with Kristina too. If she's spending countless hours on the computer at 11 years old the best you can do is get her a hobby. That will be a lot easier than proofreading all her emails. Come on, use some common sense. Give her a reason to lie....and she'll lie.

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  Posted by sixtymiler Fri Aug 7, 2009 1:05pm PDT

  Wow, you can tell on here who and kids and who doesn't. Kids have 3 rights, the right to food, water and medical attention. The right to do whatever they want, whenever they want and to whomever they want isn't on their "rights" list.

  What I have done with my teens is have them sign a contract, if the contract is broken then it reserves my responsibility as a parent to randomly view their e-mails, IM's and anything else they are doing on the computer. Make it a point to them that if they don't want their mom reading it they shouldn't be typing it!

  Our jobs as parents is to keep them safe and guide them into being productive citizens. They can have their privacy when they move out. Sure I can't control everything they do, but in my house I'm the parent, I'm the one who is liable so I sure am going to do what I can. Yes I know they will lie, but there will be consequences to that also.

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  Posted by another hockey fan Fri Aug 7, 2009 1:08pm PDT

  I agree with Kristina. 11 is too young for an email address. There is nothing wrong with sending mail the "old fashioned" way and besides, I loved (and still do) getting mail from someone.

  I don't think spying on a child or teen is ever a good thing UNLESS they have given you good cause to be concerned and/or do not respect the boundaries and rules you have set as a parent. Even more importantly is having an open and trusting relationship so that there is never a need to keep harmful, or hurtful information from a parent.

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