So I was so happy, when asked the other day about putting my kids in more child care, that I realized I didn't feel guilty.
Until I realized I felt guilty for not feeling guilty...
The other night we were going for our nightly walk, and we got lured into our favorite neighbor's kitchen, once again, for homemade cookies (kinda ruins the whole walk thing but whatever; we love her, and we can't resist her husband's cookies).
While chatting, I told her that this week, since my paid work has become full-time work, my older son Clyde would start a five days a week summer program through the YMCA and that I'd be moving our toddler Leo from three days to five days at his current preschool.
She looked at me and said, "Do you think Leo will do okay? Being away from you that much?"
Inside, I laughed. I laughed because, seriously, Leo will be fine. He already spends one of the off-school days with my mom and dad. The one other day he is home with me. So the new schedule is really only a one-day difference from what we've been doing since last October. And on that one day with mom, he always asks (and often cries) about when he's going to school. He really loves preschool. I truly believe his teachers are much better caretakers and structured fun makers than I am, especially while I'm working.
But after I laughed inside, I sank because I felt like I should feel guilty. And I didn't.
I know we are doing the best thing for our family. My kids are thriving, not suffering. They're safe and their minds and their energy-filled bodies are engaged. And best of all, I'm doing a job that I love, which also helps pay the mortgage.
Don't get me wrong. I'm glad I don't feel guilty about for signing up for the child care we need. I'm grateful we have to means to pay for it—and frankly, I have plenty of other silly, down-deep mother-guilt with which to wrestle.
However, I actually do feel guilty. For not feeling guilty.
Am I the only one? Do you ever feel guilty for not feeling guilty?
Written by Sheri Reed for
CafeMom's Toddler Buzz
