Am I alone?
I am a mom of 2 kids, one is 3 yrs old and the other 3 months old. When I was pregnant with both my sons there was overwhelming pressure to breastfeed. From my doctor's appointments to complete strangers, everyone said "You're going to breastfeed, right?" I even lied saying I would be even though I still hadn't made the decision whether to or not. I was not prepared for the difficulty of breastfeeding and went through so many emotions throughout. I had c-sections with both my sons and both times my milk took awhile to come in. I was even pumping at the hospital through the pain of surgery. My first son had a hard time latching on and wasn't gaining the proper amount of weight so I bottle-fed with expressed breast milk and supplemented with formula. I would pump every 2-3 hrs and would attempt to breastfeed. All along, I had a colic baby who wanted to be held all the time making it difficult to pump throughout the day. I was also not producing enough milk. I had one breast that produced very little. Finally, I gave up after a few weeks and just pumped exclusively. To make matters worse, my first son had reflux so he would have episodes of vomiting after he would eat. Many times I would cry when he threw up thinking about all the hard work I put in with the pumping and the stress of it all. I even got mastitis and had to take antibiotics for a little while and also went through a bought of thrush. After all this, I was able to pump for 3 months and decided to stop since I was going back to work. I have done the same with my 3 month old and am in the process of putting him on formula exclusively. He also had a hard time latching on and I have had several plugged ducts already along with cracked and bleeding nipples. These were hard decisions but I know the best decision for me. But knowing this did not take away the feelings of guilt. But why the guilt? Every mom is entitled to make this decision for themselves without being pressured. So much information is given at the doctor's office on breastfeeding but little on bottle feeding. Pediatricians and OBGYNs saying "Don't stop breastfeeding" no matter what you've been through. Dirty looks given to you by other moms when you pull out a bottle to feed your baby instead of your breast. Bottles of formula almost mocking you with labels that say "Breast milk is recommended." Commercials from formula makers saying "Breast milk is best." Even today I read an article titled "Tainted Milk: Yet Another Reason to Breastfeed" about the tainted formula given to infants in China. Being a mom is hard enough. If she chooses not to breastfeed or can't, why should she be put down?Am I alone? The pressure of breastfeeding
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 9:32am PDT
Report AbuseI know breastfeeding is not easy and there is alot of pressure to do it. I only breast fed my son til he was 5 months I couldn't do it any longer. I didn't get any sleep and had to buy special tops to make it easy access. After I started him on formula everything was so much easier. I don't blame you with all the trouble you had. Yes breast is better but you shouldn't kill yourself trying to do it either.
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 9:34am PDT
Report AbuseDon't feel guilty people always try to push what they did or believe is best on you.My friend was told to stop breast feeding because her baby wasn't gaining weight and her iron was low.Your body isn't producing the milk, your ducts are cloged your nipples are bleeding and you had to take an antibiotic.We are always told to listen to our bodies and yours is staying STOP.No one has the right to judge you. Good Luck.
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 9:37am PDT
Report AbuseDear Mom,
You are being pressured to breastfeed for one simple reason: it's what is best for your child. Breastfeeding is challenging (as you have discovered), but with patience and desire, nearly all women are capable of doing it. I think what may have happened in your case was a lack of friendly, ongoing support and encouragement. We aren't born knowing how to breastfeed, and like any skill, it takes time and patience, two things that most new mothers are sometimes short of. The benefits of breastfeeding are so important that it is worth the sacrifice, but no one can go it alone...you need a friend to take on the housework, help with your older child, leave you alone to relax and get to know your baby and your body...and not just one day, but everyday for weeks, or maybe even months.
Breastfeeding is a special and magical gift that only a woman can to give to her child: the gift of higher intelligence, better teeth, a stronger immune system, and for you, Mom, a lowered risk of many kinds of cancers. Yes, it can be painful; yes, it can leave you exhausted and feeling like a cow...but with practice and patience, things do get better, and the benefits will last your child throughout his whole life. And, in the end, we can look back and say, yes, it was hard, it was a sacrifice and sometimes I cried from frustration and pain, but it was worth it, I did the very best I could for my child.
I'm so sorry for your frustration, defensiveness and anger, and no, bottle feeding does not make you a bad mom, but both you and your baby are missing out on the most magical moments of your lives.
Please call or get in contact with La Leche League. They can help you overcome practically any breastfeeding problem.
Sorry, I'm sure you wanted to hear something else, but please understand that your frustration is blinding you to the benefits of breastfeeding. I wish I could have been there with you to be your friend and help you find the way.
We all want the best for our babies, but sometimes we just don't know how to get it.
Hugs from "CowMama"
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 12:50pm PDT
Report AbuseEventually the guilt goes away, or at least it did for me. It's taken nearly all 6 years of my little girl's life, but I no longer feel the guilt. I think in part because nobody asks anymore what she had in that first year or two and I've dealt with alllll of the internal guilt.
My daughter was early, so my breasts weren't ready. Then she had jaundice and I had the most old school pediatrician that told me that breast milk was making her more jaundiced. She got about 8 weeks of partial to mostly breast milk before I totally gave up. I felt aweful in the beginning, but it slowly fades. I know that I did my best to give my daughter the best. . . and really that's all we can ever do.
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 2:08pm PDT
Report AbuseI breastfed my daughter for a year and am planning on breastfeeding my next baby due soon. I don't look down at all on mom's who can't or choose not to. I think it's personal choice. Ironically, I got loads of rude comments from in-laws and other moms who were like WHY on earth would you do that. It worked for me, I had a lot of support and was able to stay home for a time. Additionally, my daughter took to it very well. I think so many women get frustrated with it at first and give up. I'm glad I did it, but don't let people impose their parental ideas on you. You have to do what's best for you and your baby. I think there are so many other aspects of motherhood to stress about. As long as they are eating SOMETHING I wouldn't worry
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 7:40pm PDT
Report AbuseI have two daughters, one is two the other is five, I didn't breastfeed either one of them. I got the dirty looks and overly rude comments too so I know where you are coming from. I had very little guilt over my decision though, because it was My body, My child and My choice. I kept hearing the comment that breastfed babies are smarter and healthier. That is pure BS. My nephew is breastfed and stays sick all the time, my children have been sick only a handful of times in their lives and are smarter than most children their age. So don't worry about what everyone thinks, just do what is best for you. Good luck to you.
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 8:01pm PDT
Report AbuseAs a breastfeeding mom I got tons of pressure to NOT BF because it was (and get this) "gross" and "unnatural" or because bottle feeding was easier. Nursing was SUPER tough in the beginning. It isn't easy, and yes there were lots of tears because my son was losing weight, he didn't latch, it took a while for my milk to come in... but I stuck to it because I made up my mind that I wanted to try and do it and give it the best shot I could.
I think mom's SHOULD be educated when they go to their doc appointments but I also think the most important thing is for the kid to be happy and healthy no matter how the mom chooses to feed their kid.
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Posted by Thu Oct 2, 2008 8:54pm PDT
Report AbuseDear "Am I alone?",
I am a mother of 3 boys. My oldest is 3, middle child is 2 and I also have a 4 month old. We live in a small town of 800 people and the nearest hospital is an hour away. Needless to say, the doctors are old as well as the hospital facility, and when I asked about a lactation consultant I got a blank stare.
People assume that breastfeeding comes naturally and that all women are born with nursing knowledge. In my case that was far from reality. I struggled immensely with my first child. I had little idea on how to latch him properly. My milk came in late and by the time I was producing he had sucked so hard trying to get food that I was cracked and bleeding. Of course as you know, with the cracking came infection which led to plugged ducts that caused infection.
I had people coming up to me recommending all sorts of cures from breast shields, pumping and even formula. To make matters worse my sister-in-law was an after-care nurse that had very little sympathy for my difficulties and only had things to say such as "if you would have done it right in the first place, you wouldn't have an infection right now." Needless to say, that didn't help matters any.
The thought of formula made me feel like I was forfeiting the best health for my child for my own comfort. It was heart breaking, devastating and downright the most frustrating moment in my life. I would cry each time he would latch on and I would shake in pain during his whole feeding. Isn't breastfeeding suppose to be this wonderful, bonding experience with a mother and her baby? I kept with it and after about 4 months the pain subsided enough that I began to enjoy my time nursing.
I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 5 months old. I was very pregnant and nursing. Talk about a mess of hormones. Nursing my second child was about the same experience as the first.....miserable.
By the 3rd child I had done extensive reading on breastfeeding. I had learned techniques on latching and became familiar with Lanolin. That was my saving grace. I also looked into natural ways of boosting milk production to combat my low milk supply. One thing that mothers forget is that your milk supply is directly related to your own health. Are you eating properly? Are you taking in enough fluid especially water? And a very important thing to remember is sleep. I know that it is difficult especially if you have other children, but take every moment you can to rest.
My 3rd baby is now 4 months old and I love sitting and nursing him. I wish that I had someone experienced to talk to and listen to my troubles, but instead I took the bull by the horns and learned on my own. It is a hard road and whichever choice you make I'm sure will be the right choice for you and your baby. I wish you the best.
God Bless You!
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Posted by Fri Oct 3, 2008 6:07am PDT
Report AbuseI'm sorry you had a bad experience. I loathe the extremist people (on both sides of the issue). Breastfeeding is a very personal decision for what's right for your family. I will never understand the reason why other people feel the need to interject their opinion on your parenting decisions. Keep doing what your doing and next time someone gives you a dirty look; confront them. They don't know your situation. Put them in their place for being wrong.
Good Luck!
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Posted by Fri Oct 3, 2008 6:42am PDT
Report AbuseTo Mybugsear, I read your story and I must say that I am so proud and in awe of you and what you endured and still pushed on and nursed your babies. I bottle fed my first child and seventeen years later I decided to give nursing a try with the second baby. I am so glad I did the first thing I did was look for a La Leche group and they had one at the hospital where my OBGYN was located so I joined and attended meetings throughout the pregnancy and recieved the best support a women could ever get from them. After my baby was born the director of the program stopped by my hospital room to see me and never left my side, she came to my home and prepared meals for me (had a c-section) and taught me how to put chores to the way side and focus on me and the baby for a while. I nursed until she was two years old, she is now 16 and healthy and happy and well adjusted. Me and my brother was bottlefed and we turned out just fine. I personally am not implying that women who bottle feed are not good parents thats nonsense. Its just that nursing moms feel as if they have accomplished something really, really special when they feed their OWN milk to their children and its a personal thing, for me anyway. But at the same time I don't think women who decide to bottle feed their kids should try to make nursing moms feel bad for their discision its starting to resemble jealousy and resentment and it shouldn't, I liken this to stay at home moms vs working moms, its whatever works for you and your family...period.
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