Am I alone? The pressure of breastfeeding

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  Posted by R Fri Oct 3, 2008 8:51am PDT

  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! You have tried and given as much as you can to your babies, and you should feel proud that you did that much. I know too many mom's that made up their mind not to breatfeed far before their babies were born, and never even attempted to let their babies try it. I have been on both sides, and I am here to tell you, I have yet to see any differences in any of my 3 children. I was 17 when my oldest was born, and I was only able to nurse 6 weeks before going back to school. She is a very healthy, beautiful straight A, high honor student in a private school. She started reading at 3, is in 5th grade, and doing high school work, and is looking to forward to winter math programs at our local community college. Fed formula from 6 weeks to 1 1/2 years old. My second child, a boy, was breastfed for 4 months, suffered severe lung infections in those months, and has been very ill ever since. He couldn't breatfed past 4 months, because of medications so at the DOCTORS request, I started him on formula. He is in 1st grade reading at a 3rd grade level, and is learning advanced math for his age group. He was breastfed longer, but has been more ill, and he was slower to catch onto school, and also had some social development issues.

  I am currently breastfeeding my 8 mo. old son, and as of today, he has had 2 colds. I always here that I must be doing something wrong, because breastfed babies "don't get sick" but I am doing everything by the book with this one. Sort of my own little experiment. He is completely gorgeous, as are my other two, but pretty average in everything else. Not crawling yet (maybe too lazy), he doesn't sleep on a great schedule, he is eating solids, but some milestones that were met by my other two are just not there yet with him.

  I think all of it comes down to what is good for the momma. It doesn't matter whether or not you formula or breastfeed, what matters is that you love your child, and make sure that they are taken care of. They wouldn't make formula if it wasn't a great source of nutrition for your baby, and your baby will be just fine, smart and beautiful no matter where he or she gets their milky!

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  Posted by R Fri Oct 3, 2008 8:56am PDT

  Plus I haven't even been able to get away from my 8 mo. old, because due to exclusive breatfeeding, he refuses to take a bottle. Of anything. No babysitter, no dates with my husband, no alone anything. So, there are a few little drawbacks to the whole thing. Plus, I'm exhausted, and I may never be able to have a normal looking set of boobs, unless I add silicone.

  But, nursing is free, and always ready, so I guess those are good things. And I do have to admit, I enjoy his "nursies" as much as he does. But I would probably love holding him with a bottle just as much.

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  Posted by Lisa Fri Oct 3, 2008 9:03am PDT

  Oh, I feel for you. I was hell bent on nursing my daughter. If I hadn't been, I would have given up. I will never forget the moment that she gave up. My milk was taking forever, days ( it always does) and I could not convince her to open her mouth wide. I had to take her off due to the extreme pain from her mostly closed mouth, over and over. Finally she just quit on me and wouldn't even look at me. I cried so hard. I almost let my husband give her a bottle then. Two hours later her terrible latch didn't matter. I had too much milk. After a full little belly and a real nap, we practiced and perfected nursing. I think it took six weeks for it to stop hurting in the first few minutes. Like waxing -sensitive-places pain. She nursed for 17 months, and I had to quit while I was pregnant because the pain came back and it made me throw up.

  Baby number two was an instant pro who never let go, and even she lost so much weight those first few days. Little raisin lips, so sad. I actually wanted to yell "get off me!" more than once. She was colicky and gassy and covered in hives all the time. Severe cow milk allergy. I am so glad I never gave her formula! I can't imagine what those proteins would have done to her without being filtered through me first. I changed my diet and now she's thriving.

  Reebs, you are awesome. You tried so hard. It's not too late to bring that milk back if you want to (oatmeal!). It is a rewarding relationship. Feel no guilt if you should decide to let it go. Did you know that all the immune system benefits (antibodies) are concentrated into whatever they do drink. A few ounces a day, just as much good stuff.

  WHY do we as women do this to each other. I don't understand. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Really damned if you go a day past that first birthday. We need to support each other, not judge so much.

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  Posted by Lisa Fri Oct 3, 2008 9:12am PDT

  Also I learned with my first not to wean during cold season! She got her first cold at 17 months and was really sick for weeks. Talk about feeling guilty.

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  Posted by Jenn Fri Oct 3, 2008 10:02am PDT

  don't feel guilty. so long as you feed your baby with love, no matter how you feed them, you are giving them a gift. i wanted to breast feed, but couldn't for a number of reasons. my daughter was formula fed from very early on and is a bright, healthy child. i think there are many, many good reasons to breast feed, but sometimes it's not the right fit for you and your baby. just like the argument of buying baby food vs. making your own, cloth diapers vs. disposable, or if you choose to be a stay at home mom or one that works out of the home - it's a personal choice.

  and just know, if you really want to breast feed there are a world of resources out there - right here in this community there are moms who are passionate about it. seek support and help. if you truly don't want to breast feed, just say so and go buy bottles. there are plenty of moms who can make suggestions to brands and types of formulas that their kids like(d).

  take care and very best wishes.

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  Posted by Susan Fri Oct 3, 2008 10:16am PDT

  Don't feel guilty. I tried to breastfeed for a couple of weeks but I hated it, I didn't produce enough milk, I was in constant pain, it just didn't work. As soon as I switched to formula my baby downed bottles of it and stopped crying all the time. She was crying because she was so hungry!! Formula is just fine. My baby is thriving on it. Plus I never had the bonding or attachment with breastfeeding. It felt weird and actually kind of creepy and I felt like a milk machine. I was so happy when I switched to formula! If I ever have another kid I will not even try to breastfeed. The downside is formula is expensive, but it's worth every penny to me!

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  Posted by Katharine Fri Oct 3, 2008 10:23am PDT

  My husband (now ex-husband, halleluija) was extremely unsupportive of my decision to bottle-feed out son. I am bipolar and the medication I needed is toxic to the fetus and also to the baby as it is expressed in breast milk. I had to go off that medicine cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. My doctor urged me to bottle feed Liam because I was very likely to have severe post-partum depression and would need my medication more than ever after he was born. My ex would guilt me, saying that Liam wouldn't develop properly and that I was short-changing him by not breast-feeding, and that I would just have to "suck it up" and "walk it off" if I did end up suffering with PPD. My decision was based on the fact that if I did not resume my treatment ASAP the post-partum depression would keep me from taking good care of my baby. You know best when it comes down to it. Your baby needs a happy, healthy mom more than anything.

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  Posted by mom of 3 Fri Oct 3, 2008 11:11am PDT

  it's a total catch 22 in public, if you pull out a bottle people give you dirty looks, like your a bad mom for not breast feeding, if you pull out your breast, same dirty looks from those not wanting to see you feed your child! it's a no win situation... i chose to breast feed my kids for as long as i could stand it then they went to formula and i plan to do the same with the one on the way!

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  Posted by HeatherP Fri Oct 3, 2008 11:23am PDT

  Wow, this is EXACTLY how I felt when I had my son. He was tiny (5 lbs 7 ozs) and I had very little milk to speak of. On the flip side of things, my parents wanted me to give up and feed him formula exclusively because he was so tiny, but I persevered and supplemented him for the first 6 weeks. It was the most frustrating experience of my life. I wanted to breast feed him so bad, but there were too many obstacles in the way. When we decided to switch exclusively to formula, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I felt like I was letting my son down.

  I'm going to try again when we have our second child, but I have a feeling the same thing will happen. Breastfeeding isn't an easy thing to do, and each family has to do what's best for their child. We're trying to "make it up to him" by feeding him only homemade solid foods (the logic is skewed but I still feel like I'm doing something to help him out).

  It's nice to see that there's others out there that feel the same way. Thanks for your perspective :)

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  Posted by MeLiNdA Fri Oct 3, 2008 2:08pm PDT

  As a nurse and mother of three(7, 4 1/2 and 3 years) who nursed all three for some period of time... this is my mantra. "Babies need happy, healthy mothers. Babies need peace, love and comfort. Babies need nutrition." God made women so beautifully to do all those things. Women are by nature soft, sweet smelling and comforting. Any of you who will try to see this as stereotypical, think about what you want when you are scared, hurt or sick... a big hug, right? (and if you have had difficulty in your life that prevents you from wanting that from your own mother, maybe it is your husband, your kids, a warm cozy blanket... you get the point)

  Anyway, babies DO have very specific needs as infants. We are created to provide our children with the milk they need, and it is a wonderful experience. I hesitate to agree with those who would say we aren't born knowing how to nurse. Women in generations past have figured it out on their own (or likely been coached by mothers, sisters, aunts.) I think that the key to sucessful breastfeeding is "NO PRESSURE" You are a good mother for many reasons, and what you feed your baby probably isn't one of them. Short of feeding your child poision or harmful substances, you can feel confident that formula or breastmilk, or both is good for your baby.

  I fed my children breast and bottle intermixed for 4-8 months before going to just bottle (formula). I think if you work outside the home, breastfeeding exclusively is a difficult goal. I was so very fortunate to have NO problems with any of my kids in feeding. I sympathize with those who do. But remember, if you are more worried about what you are feeding your baby than that feeling of complete joy that they bring your heart, you are missing the mark. As a new mom, rest, relax, and relish in your child. Be ready to make lots of sacrifices, but not just to say you did. Do it because it improves every aspect of your child's life.

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