Am I alone? The pressure of breastfeeding

Am I alone?

I am a mom of 2 kids, one is 3 yrs old and the other 3 months old. When I was pregnant with both my sons there was overwhelming pressure to breastfeed. From my doctor's appointments to complete strangers, everyone said "You're going to breastfeed, right?" I even lied saying I would be even though I still hadn't made the decision whether to or not. I was not prepared for the difficulty of breastfeeding and went through so many emotions throughout. I had c-sections with both my sons and both times my milk took awhile to come in. I was even pumping at the hospital through the pain of surgery. My first son had a hard time latching on and wasn't gaining the proper amount of weight so I bottle-fed with expressed breast milk and supplemented with formula. I would pump every 2-3 hrs and would attempt to breastfeed. All along, I had a colic baby who wanted to be held all the time making it difficult to pump throughout the day. I was also not producing enough milk. I had one breast that produced very little. Finally, I gave up after a few weeks and just pumped exclusively. To make matters worse, my first son had reflux so he would have episodes of vomiting after he would eat. Many times I would cry when he threw up thinking about all the hard work I put in with the pumping and the stress of it all. I even got mastitis and had to take antibiotics for a little while and also went through a bought of thrush. After all this, I was able to pump for 3 months and decided to stop since I was going back to work. I have done the same with my 3 month old and am in the process of putting him on formula exclusively. He also had a hard time latching on and I have had several plugged ducts already along with cracked and bleeding nipples. These were hard decisions but I know the best decision for me. But knowing this did not take away the feelings of guilt. But why the guilt? Every mom is entitled to make this decision for themselves without being pressured. So much information is given at the doctor's office on breastfeeding but little on bottle feeding. Pediatricians and OBGYNs saying "Don't stop breastfeeding" no matter what you've been through. Dirty looks given to you by other moms when you pull out a bottle to feed your baby instead of your breast. Bottles of formula almost mocking you with labels that say "Breast milk is recommended." Commercials from formula makers saying "Breast milk is best." Even today I read an article titled "Tainted Milk: Yet Another Reason to Breastfeed" about the tainted formula given to infants in China. Being a mom is hard enough. If she chooses not to breastfeed or can't, why should she be put down?