Parenting

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Are dads the new moms?

It's been said that perhaps men are the new women, with the male pedicures and such. A recent New York Times article takes this to the next level by describing a group of men, stay at home dads all, who get together with each other for coffee after dropping the kids off at school. One of them describes their jaunts as "like 'Sex and the City' with coffee instead of cosmos."

Here are a couple of other possible descriptions:

"Like 'Sex and the City' with more body hair."

"Like 'Sex and the City' only we don't talk about penises."

Actually, they do talk about penises! At length! (No pun intended.) The article details the dads discussing the pending bris of one of their sons; a debate about the merits of circumcision follows, with one dad defending the practice by saying, "You don’t think that with our technology you won’t be able to get a better foreskin?" (I wonder if one of the men replied, "Ooo, we're SO Carrie.")

Then there was this line: "We do more parenting than our type-A wives and feel we’re justified." That killed me, or more accurately, would get me killed by my wife if I said it in the Times. The speaker was referring to the fact that they go out for breakfast with other dads on a regular basis.

What I want to know is this: why does everything have to be a "thing"? It's not that I begrudge anyone their desire to hang out with like-minded folks. I would blame the 'Sex and the City' comparison on the author of the article, but it's a quote from one of the men.

And guys? You're not "entitled" to brunch. It's not a constitutional right. Sure, if you have time, hang out with your friends. Whatever. But "We do more parenting than our type-A wives and feel we’re justified"? How about "they go to work and you stay home so they're justified"? It's always funny to me that the non-traditional man stays at home with the kids scenario often devolves into the man not cooking or cleaning, and having time to linger over brunch. When women used to do this, it was derisively referred to as a kaffeeklatsch. But the men "feel justified."

(image: hbc.org.uk )

Read more here.
Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 33
  • c's Avatar
    Posted by c Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:54am PDT

    uhm, is it just me or does this article seem to be repeatedly plugging Sex in the City? hrmmmmmmmmm...

    Report Abuse
  • Lady_Dallas214's Avatar
    Posted by Lady_Dallas214 Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:59am PDT

    WOMP WOMP WOMP.

    HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT MORE AND MORE WOMEN ARE LEAVING THE KIDS WITH THEIR FATHERS AND THE FATHER IS BASICALLY THE FT DAD AND FT WORKER - THE SCRIPTS HAVE BEEN FLIPPED.

    Report Abuse
  • Lishker's Avatar
    Posted by Lishker Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:13am PDT

    All the "news" are starting to make me chuckle: "50 is the new 30", "30 is the new 21", "Arms are the new legs", "Dads are the new moms", "Men are the new women", "Brown is the new black", "Having 3 kids is the new having 2 kids", "Hybrids are the new SUVs", "Dark chocolate is the new red wine". Yikes! Thanks for helping me keep up! Just let me know when "Vacation is the new work", and "Broke is the new rich"! :)

    Report Abuse
  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:10am PDT

    That shows you all how sad is the reality in US. Women wanted to have a penis, meaning that they have always wanted to be the same as the men. Women want a carreer , they want a free life, they don't want to have kids any more so they can have more ME TIME. For the woman in US is all about ME, ME.So of course these guys see their families needing nurturing and dedication because in the end they are more sensible and more sensitive than their female counterpart.

    I hope American women wake up or else they will see all these guys marrying foreing women.

    Report Abuse
  • ingrid's Avatar
    Posted by ingrid Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:29am PDT

    Piko I think you're projecting your own sad perception of YOUR desires and reality on this article. No one said this is what it must be for every family, similarly the rother way around (traditional as its called) roles should be a must every family. You do what's right for you and your family. And for these men that's what's right for their family. Nowhere in the article did these men say or indicated they had to tend to their "families needing nurturing and dedication" That's what your projected on to the print. I wonder why that is?

    Report Abuse
  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:42am PDT

    So Piko, besides using the outdated Freudian penis-envy theory, do you have anything to actually back up your claim? Not every woman has a career because they're only into "Me me me". More often than not it takes a double income to support a family in this country. If the family can afford to have one parent stay home and the father chooses to be that person (for whatever reason) who are we to begrudge them a choice based on personal circumstances? Maybe the wife was making more money, maybe the father just really wanted to finger paint with the kids and coach soccer all day. Frankly I find your oversimplification of the issue offensive, ignorant, and chauvinistic.

    Also, I will rejoice the day that everyone stops making Sex in the City references constantly..

    Report Abuse
  • ambi's Avatar
    Posted by ambi Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:02am PDT

    Yeah, Piko, I can think of better things to do than breed all day and night. Besides I make more money than my man, and he is better at cleaning anyway!

    Report Abuse
  • Sew Flake's Avatar
    Posted by Sew Flake Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:12am PDT

    hahahah yeah what's up with referring to that on so many things?

    I've been noticing for years that men and women seem to be changing places in the "normal" role.

    I think if a Daddy wants to stay home with his children that's fantastic. Let them see how hard it is. My ex told me once while we were married that he didn't want me to just sit at home all day and sit around all day and do nothing (which is what he meant by staying home with our chidlren). I hardly EVER got to sit down and when I did my husband wanted something. hahahah If I ever married again I would definitely prefer to stay home with my son and have more kids or adopt more. I love children. :) I know it's a lot of work and exhausting most of the time but it's what I love to do. If the Dad is capable and willing why not let him take care of the kiddos for a while, while you work. He'll get to see that it's not just fun and games all day, it's a lot of work. :)

    And I'm surprised men haven't come up with a "meeting" thing before. They should do this for lots of things. They can set it up for truck meets and mustang meets... they should figure it out to set up meetings for talking about family/married life. It might help them out a lot to know they're not the only ones going through some things and to share things they have enjoyed with their family over the week or month or whatever.

    And you'll also realize what it feels like to HAVE to do a good job at work 'cause if you don't and you get fired your family is without food on the table. There's a lot of pressure in the things men do in a family/marriage/relationship as well. Then after you come home from working your rear end off all day and just want to relax your husband will want a break and you've got the kids to take care of for a bit. By the time the husband is ready to take them back you're ready for bed. LOL

    I think it'll make each of you respect each other more to see what the other one goes through.

    Report Abuse
  • Moodygirl's Avatar
    Posted by Moodygirl Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:00pm PDT

    Hmmm, Piko makes some interesting comments. So, esstentially, women in American want the freedom to pursue a career, want someone else to raise the kids, want more "me" time.

    Wait!

    Women want the historical role men have always played. Got it! It's not that these desires are wrong, it's just that men have traditionally been the preferred stakeholders and they really hate sharing.

    Get over it! Women aren't content to sit back and give up youth and freedom so that her husband can have his cake, eat it, while someone else cooks, cleans, and nutures! Marriage should reflect the desires and wishes of both partners. If it doesn't, it's going to fail.

    I work because my family needs to eat, not because I want "me" time (which by the way, a woman rarely gets regardless!). Piko, perhaps next time you should do your homework before getting on this blog and dicussing things you obviously don't understand, you poor sad, sad little man!

    Report Abuse
  • IRISH's Avatar
    Posted by IRISH Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:16pm PDT

    All I can say is -- what is the problem?. Marriage is a 2 partner deal and it seems to me that whatever works for them is fine. When my kids were growing up (all 6) and my husband was working 7 days and 5 nights a week (owned our own co.) the high point of the week was our coffee Mornings. 1 morning a week,2 1/2 hrs only,kids welcome ,provided coffee,donuts and cookies for the kids. We were from 62 yrs old to 23 yrs old, and nothing was out of bounds as to discussions. I swear we solved many problems and saved at least one marriage.Our best discussion was "Do you remember?? Involved a lot of laughter,some needed descriptions and there were even some tears brought on by the memories.I say tell the men ---- "enjoy and go for it--we did and had a blast"

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 33

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

parenting byte

When entrusting your child's health to a pediatrician, you are bound to have concerns about whether you are picking the right practice or doctor. Here are five questions to ask when choosing a pediatrician.