Parenting

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Are dads the new moms?

It's been said that perhaps men are the new women, with the male pedicures and such. A recent New York Times article takes this to the next level by describing a group of men, stay at home dads all, who get together with each other for coffee after dropping the kids off at school. One of them describes their jaunts as "like 'Sex and the City' with coffee instead of cosmos."

Here are a couple of other possible descriptions:

"Like 'Sex and the City' with more body hair."

"Like 'Sex and the City' only we don't talk about penises."

Actually, they do talk about penises! At length! (No pun intended.) The article details the dads discussing the pending bris of one of their sons; a debate about the merits of circumcision follows, with one dad defending the practice by saying, "You don’t think that with our technology you won’t be able to get a better foreskin?" (I wonder if one of the men replied, "Ooo, we're SO Carrie.")

Then there was this line: "We do more parenting than our type-A wives and feel we’re justified." That killed me, or more accurately, would get me killed by my wife if I said it in the Times. The speaker was referring to the fact that they go out for breakfast with other dads on a regular basis.

What I want to know is this: why does everything have to be a "thing"? It's not that I begrudge anyone their desire to hang out with like-minded folks. I would blame the 'Sex and the City' comparison on the author of the article, but it's a quote from one of the men.

And guys? You're not "entitled" to brunch. It's not a constitutional right. Sure, if you have time, hang out with your friends. Whatever. But "We do more parenting than our type-A wives and feel we’re justified"? How about "they go to work and you stay home so they're justified"? It's always funny to me that the non-traditional man stays at home with the kids scenario often devolves into the man not cooking or cleaning, and having time to linger over brunch. When women used to do this, it was derisively referred to as a kaffeeklatsch. But the men "feel justified."

(image: hbc.org.uk )

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Comments 11-20 of 33
  • Katherine K's Avatar
    Posted by Katherine K Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:11pm PDT

    ah, it will be a beautiful day when things like this--men staying home versus women staying home with the kids--don't matter anymore...

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  • lynda's Avatar
    Posted by lynda Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:56pm PDT

    Both my husband and I were in the Army but after two deployments he decided to leave after his contract was up. I'm the sole bread winner now and he stays at home with the kids and wouldn't have it any other way. The funny part is that our kids are actually from my former marriage and he has never had any problem claiming him as his. My ex husband however, has nothing to do with them so it really does depend on the man and his prerogatives. I don't know anyone that really has a problem with him staying home and in fact even my First Sergeant has said he want to be a stay at home dad after he retires! What guy wouldn't love to stay at home, take online classes at home, and play video games with the kids?

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  • Lindsey's Avatar
    Posted by Lindsey Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:18pm PDT

    Is it just me or is Sex and the the City like mentioned a lot? I understand that in modern times the roles are changing, but i dont honestly see anything wrong with the ever-changing roles. Honestly as long as the work gets done and your happy i dont see a problem with it. But hey. What do I know? Im only 14.

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  • RetroMom's Avatar
    Posted by RetroMom Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:34pm PDT

    Honestly...If this was an article on women it would never have made it past the editor's desk before it was thrown into FILE 13. Men like this make me very worried about the next generation of men. If the three guys in the graphic that accompany this article are any kind of representation of these coffee sipping, brunch having She-Men: YIKES!!!

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  • Ria's Avatar
    Posted by Ria Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:49pm PDT

    ummm...well i guess kids are the responsibility of both the parents, so if dads are taking care of their child then there is no big deal..but yea..one thing for sure Man has to go out and work and earn for the family, if a women doing so - then fine she is supporting the family as well, but when i talk about a MAN, he should be a decent nice responsible guy n should take great care of his family either way...

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  • instrumentjamlord's Avatar
    Posted by instrumentjamlord Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:10am PDT

    'How about "they go to work and you stay home so they're justified"? '

    Justified to what, exactly? Demand that their husbands not leave the house until every last chore is done? Would it fly if a man demanded that of his wife? (For that matter, was there any evidence from the article that the housework was seriously falling behind?)

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  • Gee's Avatar
    Posted by Gee Sat Jul 19, 2008 10:23am PDT

    It's about time fathers spend more or just as much time as women dowith children and family life.

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  • Cursed Romantic's Avatar
    Posted by Cursed Romantic Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:56pm PDT

    I like what Irish has said. I agree marriage is a two party deal. I don't really care who is at home with the kids, as long as they assume that responsibility and all that comes with it in a respectable, reasonable and honest manner. Same way as that of the spouse that decides to be the bread winner. I mean times are changing, for either the better or the worst. But as long as both the husband and wife are taking their roles seriously and still keep open and honest communication between the two of them about any problems they are facing and are willing to readjust so everyone is comfortable and happy again, I see nothing at all wrong with that. I just think that problems arrive when its a new couple and they go into the marriage being all romantical and idealistic, thinking the wife will stay at home or work and the guy will work from home or go out into the working field. And then they have kids, and more pressures are added, and somewhere along the way they lose the communication skills that would have held things together for their relationship. I mean the wife may be tired of working but she won't admit it, because she is suddenly afraid of losing her independence. And the husband may be tired of always picking upt he kids, but he doesn't want to seem like the unsupportive husband. So I think its more than a little important for both husband and wife to always make sure they are on the same page at all times and are honest with each other before any resentments start up.

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  • Smudge's Avatar
    Posted by Smudge Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:47pm PDT

    What I don't understand is the constant amasement at the fact that us guys can do the stay at home job at all, and do it well. I was a stay at home Dad for awhile and I constantly encountered this. The whole "well now you see how hard it is" crap. Thats right "CRAP". Stayin at home is not as hard as people want us to think. I know thats not what a lot of "Moms" want to hear. But its the truth. I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for women in whatever role they play. I'd just like a little of that same respect. Women want us to realize that they can step in to the "working" world and do just as good of a job as any man. I agree. I believe they can. But we men rarely get the same respect back. We constantly encounter the stigma that we're ill equiped to handle the "pressures" of the home-dad life. So the suprise at the fact that these guys could do the "Job" and get time for themselves smells a little of jealousy to me.

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  • Mmgirl's Avatar
    Posted by Mmgirl Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:28pm PDT

    Hahaha...I have to say that this article is ridiculous. Seriously, who cares who does what as long as it works for their family. I agree that staying at home is not as hard as people think. The hard part is that you aren't getting a break from it. Help each other out and take responsibility for the decisions that you both made.

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