Parenting

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  Posted by HotCrossBuns Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:45pm PDT

  AMEN SISTA'! I whole-heartedly agree!

  Even with my first of 3 babies, I would have felt so greedy and selfish to register for items, as if I was telling my friends and family what I expected them to buy. I had a suprise shower given by my family, and I received way more than I would have ever "expected" from friends and family. And I saved it for my next baby! No more showers for me...even when I had a boy after 2 girls.

  Now it's like you said, moms have become to expect the shower and lavish gifts for every baby. Oh no, not just a pack of diapers and some burp cloths. I see women who register for things they couldn't afford to buy for themselves nor their own girl friends if the roles were reversed. And when it's baby #2 or beyond, I'd have to wonder, what the heck happened to the first stinkin' gift I gave?

  I do have a friend who made up a baby registry just for herself, so she could keep track of what she needed. Baby3 was a bit unexpected and she had given all of her previous babies' things away. I used that to get her something I knew she really wanted and needed. That was helpful. But if invited to a baby shower, I normally don't even check the registry if there is one.

  On another note, I did throw someone a "sprinkle" for her 5th child, inviting only close friends and family with whom she saw on a daily or at least weekly basis. All of her baby basics had passed down over 4 previous babies, and it was all rather threadbare and shabby. And even though it was a suprise for her, and she didn't register for any "gimmes", she loved and appreciated (99% of) everything she was given.

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  Posted by Heather F Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:15pm PDT

  Thank God someone finally being practical. I had a baby shower for my first, and used everything for my second. When we adopted our youngest (who is over 12 years younger), I created a registry so that it could act as my own personal shopping list. No shower. A friend's daughter was pregnant with her first around the same time, and because she felt she deserved it, registered for everything, including thousands worth of nursery furniture. When her boyfriends parents gave her a travel system etc, she had a fit because it wasn't the pattern she wanted, and made them take it back. It blows me away how many people walk around with the attitude that the world owes them something. Personally, when I go to a baby shower, I give something homemade, either a quilt, or a sweater set that I made. I then always include a board book copy of "Guesse How Much I Love You", as it is my baby's favorite, and so very sweet. If they want several thousands worth of other things, someone else can give it to them.

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  Posted by trxiegirl71 Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:50pm PDT

  With my first I did register, but I was using it as a guide for us. I did tell people where I was registered, only if they asked though. I did recieve some pretty yucky gifts (a foam alarm clock.HUH?) and multiples of things (3 diaper bags, none were practical) and took them back and bought the one thing that I knew that we would need the most....DIAPERS!!!

  Someone I know recently delivered a babe and it was her second and registered out ot town at the most expensive boutique! I bought her some bath washes/lotions and diapers and wipes. That was it. I love gifting, but please. I cannot afford the handwoven organic wool swaddling cloth and the booties hand knitted by Peruvian Spinsters.

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  Posted by trxiegirl71 Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:50pm PDT

  With my first I did register, but I was using it as a guide for us. I did tell people where I was registered, only if they asked though. I did recieve some pretty yucky gifts (a foam alarm clock.HUH?) and multiples of things (3 diaper bags, none were practical) and took them back and bought the one thing that I knew that we would need the most....DIAPERS!!!

  Someone I know recently delivered a babe and it was her second and registered out ot town at the most expensive boutique! I bought her some bath washes/lotions and diapers and wipes. That was it. I love gifting, but please. I cannot afford the handwoven organic wool swaddling cloth and the booties hand knitted by Peruvian Spinsters.

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  Posted by YERI Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:34am PDT

  I agree with the fact that it makes you feel like you're almost being a brat for asking people and seems as if you don't have any manners. I'm currently pregnant and just registered the other day. HOWEVER, I made sure that I picked the obvious things like bottles, bibs, blankets, etc., instead of items that were a bit too much. Registries are optional. In my case, I decided to do one because believe it or not there are some people (especially my friends and family) that prefer to get you what you really want instead of picking something themselves; and this would be my family. My parents almost had a fit when I told them that I wasn't sure if I was going to do a registry! Also, we're keeping the gender a surprise. The registry really emphasizes to everyone that we are buying everything in unisex/neutral colors. If we were not to do this, sure enough there would be someone buying us something in pink or blue because they have a "feeling" that its a boy or girl.

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  Posted by The Young Mother Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:55am PDT

  If you don't like it, plain and simple. DON'T GO. I had a wonderful and the most exquisite baby shower I could ask for. Catered, and about 50 invites attended. It was a wonderful time and celebration that I wanted to share with everyone. No on was pressured to purchase off of the registry. With so many people invited I was bound to get repeats of everything. I got exactly what I needed for my son. I had nothing Lavish, or stupidly expensive, just things I needed. I find it helpful when someone has a registry and I know exactly what their looking for. The only I thing I find tacky in this story is you. If you don't like it, either get a gift from somewhere else or don't go. Get over it.

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  Posted by braysmom Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:05am PDT

  I think it is a good idea for first time mom's to register. But I am shocked at what some people ask for. On the other hand I am currently pregnant with my second and I can't tell you how many people have asked me were I am registered. I say I'm not registered...they all know this is my second and I am pretty much all set. But I do find it nice that people still want to get us stuff.

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  Posted by pandela28 Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:08am PDT

  I agree and then I don't.

  I know that I would feel uncomfertable submitting a registry for myself b/c I would feel like I was telling people what they had to get me.

  But then again on the other hand, my best friend just had a baby about a year ago (my god-daughter) and she filled out a registry b/c she had family, friends, and coworkers asking what they should get her. She couldn't remember what should had told some people she needed and what she hadn't. Also, by filling out a registry it your not going to get multiples of the same gift. Yes, I know if you did you could always return the extra, but it does make it a little easier.

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  Posted by jen Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:14am PDT

  Ok, I'm not a mother yet, but I strongly disagree.

  In my eyes, there's nothing wrong with registering for the things you need. After all, the people throwing you the shower are your loved ones, your friends and family. If you don't want to participate in buying a gift from the registry, then don't. Why should mommies everywhere be condemned for picking things out they 'prefer' to help those loved ones get them something they will actually like or use? I know when I'm buying a gift for someone, I'd rather get them something I know they'll use, not just something I want them to have.

  Bottom line, if you don't want to participate, don't. Just don't judge those who choose to. It's an exciting time and a baby is a blessing EVERYONE who loves that family. Frankly, if you love the person who the shower is being thrown for, why would you let something as silly as a registry get you so upset? It's a suggestion, not requirement.

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  Posted by not yet expecting Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:15am PDT

  YERI:

  It should be simple for others to tell who you're having when you're about 4 months or so into pregnancy- carrying high (closer to breast) is a boy and carrying low (closer to you know where) is a girl but that's only for a single baby inside. I do not know what it would be for multiples. I read this a long time ago somewhere and have heard that the Chinese and many other cultures predict gender this way. I also have applied this to a couple then-expectant gals several months ago and told them who they were having and I was right (so far)! So it should be no surprise that some people who see you halfway to your due date have a "feeling" of who you're having because it's (most likely) the right one!

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