Parenting

Monday, November 30, 2009

Boy missing 10 years: As the case unfolds, its no surprise

Here I am, sipping on a piping hot cup of coffee goodness after dropping my son off at school, with the news on while browsing my favorite web sites. This is a little ritual for me and the television's role is usually one of background noise. 

Today, the news has something on it that catches my attention. It's the story of that boy named Adam who went missing 10 years ago, but no one bothered to report it. I'm sure you've heard about it because its a story that makes you think "what the heck!?".  

How is it possible that a kid vanishes and it takes 10 years for the parents, family or friends to say "gee, I wonder where he is?" When my son is in our home and too quiet for five minutes, I ask myself that same question. I rarely let him out of my sight at age 7 and plan on knowing where he is at all times until he's at least 40. 

This missing boy, who would now be 21, was adopted. I adopted my cat, signing a contract that legally made me responsible for her well being. If she doesn't greet us in the morning or greet my son when he comes from school, I worry something fierce. Why? Because I don't like the idea of bad things happening to her! Apparently, I feel for my cat more than this boys adoptive family feels for him.

Beyond family and friends never bothering to look for this kid or even seriously question his dissappearance, what does it say about the community? If my kid is absent for more than a day at school, you better believe the school calls my house to check on him. Not to mention there's a social worker to check on anything that doesn't seem quite right. Even a homeschooled kid needs school district oversight. What the heck!?

I haven't even gotten to the part that caught my attention about this story yet, believe it or not. The above is just the part that confounds my motherly mind and my humanity. It makes me shudder in disbelief.

The part that caught my ears and eyes was an interview with the aunt. She stated in her interview that the last time Adam was seen was at a Superbowl party, where he was handcuffed in a bathroom as a form of punishment, which is not the outrageous part.

Let's pretend you are at party and you encounter your host punishing their child in such a method. Do you:

a) confront your host
b) leave in horror
c) call the authorities
d) all of the above
e) have a beer and watch the game

The aunt picked something resmebling choice "e".

The interviewer was awfully easy on this woman because he didn't point out the obvious- that using handcuffs to punish your child is not discipline, it's torture. Period. I forgave the television newsman for being a wuss because it was a network show. Cable news would have been less forgiving.  

The interviewer goes onto ask the aunt if she'd ever seen Adam abused in anyway. What? What about the handcuff thing? That's abuse by normal standards! The reply was scary. "No." said the aunt. The father never raised a hand to the child, though the mother did dish out some corporal punishment. Reading the print versions of the story, their was also oodles of emotional and psychological abuse.

Has this woman never seen an after-school special. She looked as though she watches a lot of television. How could she miss the whole abuse thing? What kind of person thinks that handcuffing is an acceptable part of a punishment? Is it merely a case of "we're not in Kansas anymore?"

While I'm unclear if the family member in the article is the same I saw on television, let me quote the article here and see if you can put two and two together like the boy's family could not. (I have a feeling you are a little brighter than they are):


Linda Bush, a former sister-in-law of Valerie Herrman, remembered Adam as a timid little boy. She has not seen him since he was at least 6 years old.

"He wasn't boisterous, running around making a lot of noise like other children. And he stared a lot. That was strange," Bush said. "He gave me the creeps sometimes because he would stare. But it was nothing to hate him for."

Bush said she remembered Valerie Herrman telling the boy he was stupid.

"It was the tone. It was constant. She constantly berated him and put him down, a hateful tone," Bush said. "It was constant and we couldn't figure out what that boy had ever done to make her hate him like that." [ROXANA HEGEMAN, Associated Press Writer]



Huh? How does that even make sense? Isn't it abuse and neglect, for starters, for the handcuffing? How about the missing for 10 years bit? I highly doubt that the mother give a tap on the rear when the kid displeased her.

I need this woman to go on Nancy Grace so she can be ripped a new one. I want Nancy to tell the aunt "You are not normal. You are not guilt-free. You did nothing to protect your nephew."

As aunt who has stuck up for her sister's kids' well-being in the past, I know I would have no problem calling the authorities on my sisters if they or their partners abused on of my family members.

So it leaves me wondering, if you found your niece or nephew handcuffed in a bathroom as punishment, what would you do?

Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 43
  • Rowdygirl's Avatar
    Posted by Rowdygirl Wed Jan 7, 2009 10:11am PST

    Seems to me that this couple knew that they could kill this child, and no one would notice. Obviously, they were right.

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  • superkate's Avatar
    Posted by superkate Wed Jan 7, 2009 10:19am PST

    Let them go and slap my sibiling for ever doing something like this. Then i would go to the childs room pack up there things and take them home with me until the state forcibly took them back or keep them until adoption could go thru. How someone could ever hurt a child I will never understand. I personally have friends whos parents abused them (physically, emotionally, etc) and they were adopted by other family memebers and have turned into normal functioning adults of society. If someone reacts to a situation then the problem can be addressed.

    Just out of curiosity has anyone here ever read The Boy Named It. This series is one of the best stories of someone who overcame his abuse from a treacherous mother and how he grew to become a "normal" member of society. It is truly a tearjerker

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  • CLB999's Avatar
    Posted by CLB999 Wed Jan 7, 2009 10:23am PST

    What a sad story. I cannot believe people would victimize young children in such a way. Some people are straight up heartless. I am the person who WILL call you out if I see a child handcuffed in a bathroom. I'd personally take him out of their control and report their butts to the police immediately. I dont trust the authorities would get there fast enough. I cant' stand people who don't care about other children because they are not their own.

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  • just thinking's Avatar
    Posted by just thinking Wed Jan 7, 2009 10:34am PST

    Call the authorities immediately

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  • Brianne's Avatar
    Posted by Brianne Wed Jan 7, 2009 11:08am PST

    God this artical makes me so sad and so angry at the same time! I saw the headline on Yahoo! News, but I dont have sound at work so I could'nt get further into it. Thanks for posting this so I could be clued in.

    You know, it doesnt even make a different if the child was related to me or not. I wouldnt be able to stand for it. But, if I came across my nephew handcuffed I would turn into a wild woman against my brother and sister-in-law. Obviously I would find a way to set him free and leave with him in coustody immediatly. Geeze... I feel totally heart broken even imagining the situation.

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  • Tanya's Avatar
    Posted by Tanya Wed Jan 7, 2009 11:34am PST

    I was reading the samething this morning and dropped my coffee. When my children are not seen or heard within 10 min I'm Looking for them. They are 15 years 8 years. I Know a person that would put their child in ice baths for wetting his underwear. She is now doing 3 years in prison for childabuse not enough in my mind but At least she can't hurt him anymore. It was one of the easiest phone calls I have ever made.

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  • Angela's Avatar
    Posted by Angela Wed Jan 7, 2009 11:35am PST

    Hi Care,

    I saw this story on the news last night, and it bothered me a great deal as well. I also thought, like you did, *someone else* outside of this family had to be aware of this child, particularly school officials, so why wasn't his disappearance from school reported and investigated?

    I have worked with at-risk and abused children. I can tell you now that if this child was handcuffed to a sink AT A PARTY in the presence of friends and family, much worse things were happening to him when others weren't there to see.

    The fact that someone apparently affiliated with the case stated this: "He wasn't boisterous, running around making a lot of noise like other children. And he stared a lot. That was strange," Bush said. "He gave me the creeps sometimes because he would stare. But it was nothing to hate him for." is PROOF that the boy was severely abused. Children who are this withdrawn and have no ability to participate in the world around or seek joy or comfort from others are children who have been severely harmed by those adults who have been entrusted with their care.

    One of the first trainings we did with workers at the residential facility where I worked was to recognize the above behavior and to try to intervene with the most withdrawn children as early on as possible. Our ultimate goal, of course, was to win the child's trust and show them that not all adults will harm them and teach them that they were safe in our care. However, most times, interventions were simply inviting a child to participate in "normal" kid activities, like playing a game with other children or a staff member, or joining the unti routine. Kids like this have no idea what it is to be part of a normal or safe family (obviously, if they spent their lives hand cuffed to a sink.)

    The system and the community failed this child. I wonder if he was ever enrolled in school at all? I doubt very seriously that he is still alive.

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  • HotCrossBuns's Avatar
    Posted by HotCrossBuns Wed Jan 7, 2009 1:19pm PST

    Does this not smack of the entire Caylee Anthony case? There is obviously more to the story and those people are trying to cover their butts at this point, for whatever reason. Unfortunately if the kid hasn't surfaced by now on his own, we can almost assume what might have happened to him.

    It's sickening, just sickening. When one parent (or even two) abuse a child it's a tragedy...When an entire family and community turns a blind eye it's horrifying!

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  • HotCrossBuns's Avatar
    Posted by HotCrossBuns Wed Jan 7, 2009 1:26pm PST

    Superkate, i have read that book, and its sequel. It is both horrifying and redeeming at the same time. I was in tears for most of the first part of the book and actually would have to put it down and walk away in order to ease the knots in my stomach.

    I'm glad I read through the end though. The outcome was well worth the few days of miserable reading. For such a good-hearted man to have come out of such a horrifying and twisted upbringing is truly an amazing testimony of the resiliency of the human spirit!

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  • John's Avatar
    Posted by John Thu Jan 8, 2009 2:42am PST

    Ok...your comment about handcuffing being "torture" was over the top. Child-abuse? Sure....but not torture.

    I would tell my hosts that I am leaving and will be calling DSS about their treatment of their child.

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