Parenting

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Bullying Prevention Awareness Week: 5 tips to help your kids deal with bullies

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Photo Credit: Getty Images

I've been spending some time on the radio over the past few weeks talking about schoolyard bullies. Most kids are a month into the new school year and while it seems like a short period of time, it's long enough for children to experience bullying.

This week, October 5-11, is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week. In effort to increase awareness of the prevalence and impact of bullying on all children, Yahoo! Kids has partnered with PACER Center to promote National Bullying Awareness Week. The stats on bullying are astounding. Did you know that more than 160,000 kids stay home from school each day because of bullying? And 3.2 million children are victims of bullying every year. It's not a girl thing or a boy thing. It's not just physical. It can be verbal and emotional, which can be just as painful and damaging as a punch. And it can start as early as preschool.

There's no slick trick that can stop your child from being bullied. It's a process, and sometimes requires many different approaches that are dependent on your kid's age and the level of bullying being experienced.

Here are a few things that have worked for me:

-Take it seriously. It's easy to say, "Kids will be kids" and assume it will pass. But if your child is coming home upset and is suddenly anxious about school because of the way a kid (or kids) are treating him, you should pay attention. Now, this doesn't mean you need to call the teacher right away. But ask your kid questions...lots of questions. What happened? Where? Who was involved? Has this happened before? How long? Is it happening to other kids in class? The key is to ask these questions in a way that doesn't freak your kid out and make him think he's in trouble. Remember: It's not your kid's fault.

-Drop your kid off at school or stand on the sidelines during recess. Bullying tends to occur when adult supervision is lacking, so before school or on the playground at recess. If you have a young child, pick a day and walk your kid to her classroom instead of dropping her off in car line. Or volunteer for yard duty one day. You don't even need to be near your kid. The goal is to give you a sense of the dynamics of your kid's class. And I can almost guarantee that if there's a class bully, you'll see her or him in action.

-Talk to other parents. Young kids are talkers. If you're friendly with a parent in your kid's class, ask them if their child has mentioned anything about kids being picked on at school.

-Tell the teacher. It's really important to let your child's teacher know what your kid is telling you -- especially if someone is getting hit. First, the teacher can confirm if they've been witnessing the same behavior...and let you know what they're doing about it. And second, if they haven't noticed it, they'll be on red alert and hopefully make a point of talking to the class about how they should be treating their friends. Most schools have a zero-tolerance policy on bullying. But if the it continues, you may need to take it to the next administrative level.

-Empower your children. Let your kids know that it's not their fault that they are being bullied. Teach your kids to focus on their own behavior.  I really like these videos over at Y! Kidsbecause they offer simple ways for kids to stand up against bullying. For younger kids, I dig the book Bye-Bye, Bully.  It's important to let your kids know how to avoid situations and react to teasing or bullying attempts (Walk away and ignore it.)  And while we all don't want our kids to instigate fights, it's really important that they know how to protect their bodies.

Has your child already experienced bullying during this new school year? What are you doing about it? Share your tips.
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 22
  • Straightfoward(lovely lady)'s Avatar
    Posted by Straightfoward(lovely lady) Mon Oct 6, 2008 12:26pm PDT

    Thanks for posting this. My daughter has been dealing with a bully and everyone needs to know that they have options.

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  • Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff Mon Oct 6, 2008 12:36pm PDT

    Straightforward, You are so welcome! I hope it passes quickly -- it's so tough for everyone involved.

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  • safiyyah's Avatar
    Posted by safiyyah Mon Oct 6, 2008 2:26pm PDT

    We were never late toour evening school cos its just across the street of our house as such weare the custodians of the school chalk,duster and provide drinking water to our techer.My sister and I are victims too of a group of bullies who wait to beat us up after school hours on the day everyone collect his result.Its come to n end when I also decide to become a hot bully by using our dog to sent them away and sometimes let the give them scarce on their faces or body.

    Hope my own kids wint be bullied for them not become me !

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  • melo's Avatar
    Posted by melo Mon Oct 6, 2008 7:54pm PDT

    I think a lot of the problem is many parents OVER parent. So many are willing to step in and fight their kid's battles, and making it so very hard for these children to learn to stand up on their own. Yes, there are many times when an adult should step in and stop things. BUT there are many times when a child should learn to figure these situations out for themselves. There is nothing wrong with putting a bully in his/her spot. Telling a child to Never fight, is like saying don't ever watch a cartoon again. Its goin to happen. Its better to prepare your child for this rather than tell them to always turn the other cheek, or run and get help. There will be a day when there will be no teacher or school staff member to stop such an act. We have five kids, and each of them know that if it "has" to happen, than make it worth it. Yes our kids will get in trouble for fighting, but at the same time, I rather have the piece of mind to know that my child knows when to stand up for himself/herself if the need arises. So many times when a parent gets involved, the problem becomes worse. We as the adults need to step back and allow our children to take a few hard knocks now and then. But that in no way means we still cant step in, just use your judgment.

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  • Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland, Shine staff Mon Oct 6, 2008 8:48pm PDT

    Melo -- I think your point is a good one for older kids. But for younger ones, in the preschool to early grade school stage, they really do need their parents to get involved and help lead the way. It helps set the foundation for any future experiences, don't you think? If you help empower them at a young age, they will be better equipped to handle situations in the future. My two cents...

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  • K.A.K's Avatar
    Posted by K.A.K Mon Oct 6, 2008 10:23pm PDT

    I just found out that I have a problem with a child and when I say I have a problem, as far as I'm concern when my five year old comes to me telling me that some little boy punched her in her chest (Left a red mark) OH Yeah we have a problem and as a matter of fact I'm talking with her teacher tommorow. What gets me is that her teacher never came to me about the this little boy an incident report as even been put in for this, but no one as come to me about it and this makes me even more ticked off. But I tell you what I bet the teacher will wish he had come to me as a Teacher should I mean these are 5yr olds Lord help us!!

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  • CL's Avatar
    Posted by CL Tue Oct 7, 2008 6:15am PDT

    Your advise is very good, however, if all else fails-and I don't mean weeks and months down the line-tell your kid to stand up for themselves. Teach them how and when to defend themselves, especially the girls.

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  • 2centsricher's Avatar
    Posted by 2centsricher Tue Oct 7, 2008 6:54am PDT

    Keep a keen eye on how the teacher is dealing with the problem. If your child is being bullied and the teacher is not taking the situation seriously, don't hesitate to speak to people higher up the administrative chain.

    Bullying can leave emotional scars that take all too long to heal. As a child I was bullied in elementary school, and it took years for the social anxiety and depression it caused to subside.

    At the time, the teacher was an integral part of the problem. The class was pretty disruptive in general, and she managed to get the other kids to get along better by ganging up on me. I wish I was making this up, but there really are teachers out there with such poor decision-making skills.

    I turned out ok in the long run- I now have a successful career and a generally happy life, but often I wish that more had been done to remedy that situation in my childhood.

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  • Carolina's Avatar
    Posted by Carolina Tue Oct 7, 2008 7:02am PDT

    Look for signs such frequent stomach- aches, abrupt anger, sleepyness, crying frequently. If your child present those signs and often do not want to go to school, you need to investigate immediatelly. Talk to your child, ask questions, talk to his or her teachers and mostly important take an action. If our child has always enjoyed learning, but lately seems eager to avoid school, find out why. Stomach-aches and mysterious illnesses pop up in the evening and seem to get worse as the school bus creeps closer to your street the next morning. It's possible the problem has nothing to do with how last night's dinner was digested. Your child could be worried sick over a schoolyard bully.

    Bullying happens most — and turn something simple like a ride on the bus, stop at a locker, or walk to the bathroom into a scary event that's anticipated with worry all day.

    Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies, who often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or in control. Often, they antagonize the same children repeatedly. The scars of a child been bullied can last an entire life. Do not minimize it! do not avoid the responsibility of protecting your kids, to give them the opportunity to grow healthy and to learn at the school what they need to learn to be good people when they grow up.

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  • SunShine's Avatar
    Posted by SunShine Tue Oct 7, 2008 8:24am PDT

    I have already contacted the teacher and Principal regarding my baby being picked on. I hope things will get better.

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 22

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