Happy Hour Mom has the distinct pleasure of showcasing the wise words of Carolyn Gatzke, parenting coach and educator of Engage Today.
Having trouble with my almost 3 year old at night when I want to be putting my 4 month old to bed. He doesn’t seem to understand I need to breastfeed and give some quiet time to his little brother. Dad has never felt confident about helping at night time. Part of the problem. I know….
My 4 month old is ready to start night time routine at 7pm and my older at 8pm. Please help!!
First, we will deal in reality – you know your husband isn’t going to help so we are not going to pretend that he will or build any solutions around that possibility. If your husband builds his confidence, or finds a way to contribute, that is a bonus.
In the morning frontload your three-year-old about your expectations – “I need your help. Today, let’s make a plan for what you can do while I get brother ready for bed, tonight. It needs to be something quiet so he can eat and rest his mind and go to sleep. You can sit near me, but I can’t stop nursing to help you or play. We will work together to get ready.”
Three-year-olds love cooperation (it is a trait of the age). Utilizing words like “we” and “let’s,” requesting help, making a plan, and working together adds to their sense of purpose and inspires them to participate.
Talk about the evening plan casually during the day. Problem solve with him as some of his ideas may have pitfalls you can anticipate. Laugh and be silly. Acknowledge that it is hard for him to share you. Tell him you are adjusting, too.
Try to give your older son a brief period of undivided attention prior to 7pm, even if he is helping with dishes. Remind him that you will have your special time together after baby is in his crib.
As 7pm nears, remind him of your expectation and help him get his things together. Thank him for his cooperation. Set a quiet tone in the room with silence, soft music or low TV, and dim lights. You may need to guide and remind your son with a soft voice throughout the course of the hour.
The next morning, review, together. Acknowledge successes and work on talk about anything that didn’t work well. Repeat the same process each evening until the quiet time is a habit and part of the family routine. Expect it to take three or four days.
Good luck, and keep me posted.
